Retard Island
by ELJ Stories
Summary: When 24 well known (and not-as-well-known) characters sign up for a reality TV show, things get ugly. And fast. Hosted by my OC Bill, he will make sure that all of the craziest moments are caught on camera. Who'll win? What will happen? Well, don't just sit there. Read the dang book to find out.
1. Chapter 1: Series Premiere

Retard Island by ELJ Stories

Chapter 1: Series Premiere

We begin this story on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. In the front of the island stood a dock. Standing on the dock is a man in a tuxedo. He was waiting for something. "Hey! Where's my coffee?!" said the man in the uniform. You're probably thinking 'Why the hell is this show on an island?'. Well, to tell you the truth, read the FREAKING title (which is wrongly named). Then, one of his interns came in and gave him a cup of coffee. "Thanks." he said as he took his first sip. "Oh, you're here." he said to the audience. "My name, you ask? It's Bill. And as you probably guessed, I'm the host. Now, let's move on to the rules."

"Twenty four suckers, I mean, people have signed up to be a part of this awesome show. They will be split into four teams, which are Red, Blue, Yellow, and Green (originality factor: 0). Every 7 days, the contestants will be competing in life-threatening challenges (and I mean, life-threatening). Not only will our competitors have to survive that, they also have to survive nasty food, unsanitary cabins, the wild, and, most of all, each other. When a team gets 3rd or higher, they are safe from elimination. If not, they will have to do such a thing. In these ceremonies, the losing team has to vote off one (or in rare cases, two) of their members. The person with the most votes leaves the show and NEVER returns. This process continues until twelve of them remain. At that point, the teams will merge and two contestants (a boy and a girl) get another chance to win the $1,000,000 grand prize. And another thing, only one person can be safe from elimination now. Everyone else has to face elimination. However, the contestants don't know about the two competitors returning part. This new process continues until two are left. Finally, those two will compete in one more challenge and the winner of that challenge will be our champion! Also, an award called the "Fan Favorite Award" will be given to one person. That person will earn a $50,000 bonus. The best part is that YOU get to choose who wins it."

"Damn, that was really tiring." said Bill. "But, enough about the show. Let's meet our contestants."


	2. Chapter 2: Meeting The Contestants

Chapter 2: Catching Up With The Contestants

The first boat of God knows how many came into view. On board was an average 13-year old girl with blonde hair, a European-like outfit, and a dumb hat. "I take offense to that!" she screamed at me. "Welcome, Bianca." Bill greeted. "It's a pleasure to have you on the very first season." "Aw, you." she said. "As long as I don't have to deal with Ash for the next few months, everything will be perfect."

Unfortunately, the next boat did have Ash, a young man who's also 13, who wears an outfit from Kanto (even though he lives in Unova), who's mentally retarded, and sexist. "I spoke too soon, didn't I?" Bianca asked Bill. "Yep!" he answered. Suddenly, the screen entered a transition (*Author's Note*. Every time you see this after a sentence (!), we either enter a new confessional or end a current one. Also, the text is bold.).

!

**Bianca: Wow! This is a lovely confessional booth for an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Anyways, just when things were going great, Ash had to come in and smash one of my greatest moments in life into a billion pieces. *Sigh*. F**k my life!**

!

"What the hell is that bitch doing here?!" Ash yelled. "Same goes for you, you sexist bastard!" she screamed back. This went on for several seconds until the next boat came and dropped off another contestant.

"Uh. Did I miss something?" said the new competitor. Bill went over to where the new arrival was and said, "Abso-freaking-lutely, Tails. Now, why don't you stand over there with them."

!

**Tails: When I first got on this God-forsaken island, I thought to myself, "I've only been here for 5 seconds and drama is already stirring up." This is going to be a LONG season.**

!

When Ash and Bianca finally stopped fighting, Bianca suddenly became ecstatic. "Oh… My… GOD! It's him! It's REALLY him!" Before Tails could react, he was being crushed to death from Bianca's Super Duper Ultra Amazing Bone Crushing, Liver Exploding, Head Spinning, Penis Flattening Hug of Death. "Oh God, help me!" said the poor two-tailed fox. "This girl is crushing me!" "That's what she said!" Ash said. With the little amount of strength Tails had, he gave Ash the bird and lipped, "F**k you."

Then, the next boat came into view and out came a guy in a green and blue suit. Strangely, he seemed to be looking around the place he was going to stay for the next few months. "Wait a minute. This isn't the right place." he said in a nasally Italian voice. "That's where you're wrong, Luigi. This is your destination." Bill said. "Great." Luigi sighed. "This is what I desperately needed. To be on a reality TV game show where I humiliate myself in front of millions of people. Thanks Bill." "You, sir, are welcome." Bill said sarcastically as Luigi went to join the other contestants.

Another boat came to drop off a douchy-looking man with a black shirt, blonde hair, and jeans. "Hooray. Johnny Bravo is here." Bill said sarcastically. Before Johnny could say a word, Bill interrupted him by saying, "Just go over to your competitors, please." Shockingly, Johnny did just a thing. "Ugh. Why did I even put him on this show?" Bill asked in frustration. "Because you lost the bet you made with Pidove." replied one of Bill's interns. "Did I ask you?" Bill asked. "N-No sir." answered the same intern nervously. Suddenly, three boats came into view at once. Two of them were going at dangerously-fast speeds. "YOU'RE A DEAD OTTER!" screamed the green snake on the boat to the right. "I'M SORRY!" yelled the blue otter on the boat to the left. Unfortunately, both boats crashed right into the dock. Normally, this would kill people in real life, but since this isn't real life, the worst that happens is that the dock gets completely destroyed. Afterwards, Bill runs towards where the two landed. "Oh no! If you two are dead, this isn't going to look good for my lawyers." Bill said. Fortunately, both of them were still alive. "Oh thank the Lord!" Bill said with relief. "Now that my moment of pure terror is over, let's move on to this. WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?! These boats aren't cheap, you know!" The two of them were looking at Bill with fear (well, mostly the otter). "I'm so sorry. First off, I'd like to say that IT WAS HER FAULT!" the otter said. "WHAT?! You can't blame this whole thing on me! You were the one who bumped their boat into mine for no reason." the snake said. "I told you it wasn't on purpose." the otter said. "BOTH OF YOU, SHUT THE F**K UP!" Tails yelled. Then, the bickering stopped. "Well, that's Snivy and Oshawott for you." Bill said before heading back to the now destroyed dock.

Fortunately, the contestant on the third boat was aware of the damage and just went 5 feet to the left. "Welcome, Blossom." Bill said. "We are so sorry for what two of your-" "It's okay." Blossom said. "Besides. It's not the strangest thing I've ever seen." Then, she went to the other competitors. After that, the next boat came to the same spot as Blossom's boat. "What happened here? It's like Iraq over here." said the new arrival. "Don't worry about it. It'll be fine within a few minutes. Once my damn assistant stops sitting on his lazy ass and does his job." Bill said. "On it!" his assistant said (who's identity were not going to reveal at this very chapter). Then, Silver (the newest arrival) grabbed (in his terms, used his psychic powers) his luggage. On our next boat was a very beautiful princess with blonde hair and a lovely pink dress. When Ash saw her, he grew hearts on his eyes and a boner. "So hot." Ash said. "So not going to happen." Bianca said. "What makes you say that?" Ash asked Bianca. "Uh, hello. That's Princess Peach. There are two things that are going to prevent you from ever marrying or even getting in a relationship with her. First thing, she's married, or in your terms, taken. Second, you're sexist, and Peach doesn't take that very well. So, kiss marrying her goodbye. " Bianca answered. "I don't give a damn. I'm still going to hit on her." Ash said as he ran towards Peach. "Figures." Bianca sighed. When Peach got off her boat, Bill said, "Good day to you, Princess-". Unfortunately for Bill, Ash pushed him out of Peach's way before he could finish his sentence. "Hey beautiful. You want to dump that old husband of yours and ride on MY disco stick?" Ash said as smoothly as he can. "Excuse me." she said. "You know what I'm getting at, right?" Ash asked still being as smooth as earlier. "No. And I don't want to." Peach answered. "Anyways, what I'm trying to say is this. Will you go out with me and have sex afterwards?" Ash said with the smooth side still attached to his voice. "First off, I'm married. Second, aren't you like, I don't know, 13?" Peach said in disgust. "You're never too old for sex, my pretty lady." Ash said. "EWW!" Peach screamed. "I have to deal with this pervert for several months." Bill answered with a smile, "Yes. Yes you do." Then, Peach screamed in pure frustration.

!

**Ash: Don't worry. I know she digs me. She just doesn't realize it yet.**

!

**Peach: No matter what that perverted teenage boy is telling everyone, I will never, ever be in a relationship with him.**

***Ash enters the confessional booth***

**Ash: Never say never, my future wife.**

**Peach: AHHHHHHHHH! *runs out of the booth, then slams the door***

**Ash: *laughs* She's hilarious.**

!

Then, for some reason, the next two contestants were on the same boat. Or at least, it's strange to Bill. "Hello, Billy… and Mandy? Why aren't you two on separate boats?" asked a baffled Bill. "It's because a certain someone dragged me on this boat." said the girl known as Mandy. "Hey, it's not my fault that I get lonely without you around." said the boy named Billy. "Whatever. Just go over to the others." Bill sighed. And they did such a thing. Unfortunately for Bill, the next boat did the exact same thing. "Oh *** damn it, Iris! You too?!" Bill asked in frustration. "Me too what?" asked the black girl with crazy hair. She was holding on to a leash which had a Pokemon at the end of it. "Did you also get lonely?" Bill asked again. "No, it was pure force." Iris finally answered. Axew (the Pokemon on the leash) lipped, "Help me!" Bill lipped back, "Sorry little buddy." Then, Axew gave Bill the bird as Iris dragged him towards their competitors. "Oh, Bianca! You also made it to the show?" Iris asked. "Yeah, I did." answered a happy Bianca. "So did Snivy and Oshawott." "Oh, that is go great, girlfriend." Iris replied. Then, she looked to see Ash was also on the show, who's still trying to hit on Peach with failure every single time. "Oh." said a now disappointed Iris. "He made it too." Bianca sighed, "Unfortunately, yes."

The next boat had a cool design to it because this contestant is cool (or so he thinks). "Oh, I've always wanted to say this." Bill said with a s**t ton of fake excitement. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the world's fastest hedgehog. The one, the only,-". "Oh great." Bianca said sarcastically. "-Sonic the Hedgehog!" Suddenly, the blue hedgehog jumped out of his boat and landed on the now fixed dock. "Greetings to you, Sonic. It's such a pleasure to have a celebrity on this show." Then, Luigi, Peach, Tails, and Ash said at the exact same time, "HEY! WHAT ABOUT US?!" Bill said, "Ahem. I said 'celebrity'. Not 'celebrity wannabe'. And Ash, you don't even come close to the celebrity status." Ash said, "Oh f**k you, Bill." "Thanks, man. It is great to be away from my normal life." Sonic said. "You, sir, are welcome." Bill said. Afterwards, the next boat showed up. "Speaking of celebrities, here comes the main star right now." A now jealous Sonic said, "Hold on a minute. Who's this 'main star' you mentioned?" Bill said, "See for yourself." When Sonic saw who was inside the boat, he said, "Oh hell to the no!" Inside the boat had a man with an identical suit to Luigi's, but instead of green, he has red. Also, he has an M on his hat instead of an L. Bill bowed and said, "Greetings, Mario." But before Bill could say anything else, Sonic knocked him out of Mario's sight and yelled, "OH NO YOU DON'T, YOU FAT PLUMBER! " Mario said, "Well hello to you too." Bill screamed, "Seriously! What is it with you guys and pushing me off of the dock?!" Sonic ignored Bill and continued his yelling by saying, "I DID NOT come here to be on this show just so you can take away MY spotlight!" Peach came and said, "Why don't you leave my man alone?" Suddenly, she grabbed the hedgehog and threw him towards Tails. "Oh. Hey Tails." said an injured Sonic. "Hey Sonic." Tails said back. Peach said to Mario, "Thank God you're here. Now can you do me a favor and get this perverted boy away from me?!" Ash said, "I love you too, my precious angel." Mario walked towards Ash and asked, "What is Peach talking about?" Ash lied, "Oh, nothing at all." Peach screamed, "LIAR! He's been hitting on me ever since I got here! No matter how many times I say no, he always comes back!" Mario said in a strangely calm way, "Look, buddy. I already have issues with a certain hedgehog, so I'm going to make this short and sweet." Ash said happily, "Ooh! I love short and sweet things." Mario continued, "If you come near my wife, you're a dead boy. Understand." Ash asked Peach, "Quick question. THIS GUY'S YOUR HUSBAND?!" Peach said annoyingly, "Yes. I told you like 4 times already." Ash said nervously, "Sure thing. I won't go near your wife." Mario said, "Good. I'm glad that we have reached an agreement. It was nice doing business with you." Ash said, "Same here." Then, he crossed his fingers behind his back.

!

**Mario: I still don't trust that kid, even though he made a promise. To be sure, I'll keep an eye on him to see if he does anything suspicious.**

!

"You lying bastard!" Bianca said. "I saw what you did there." Ash said confidentially, "Saw me do what?" Bianca said, "Don't pretend like you don't know. You crossed your fingers behind your back after you made that promise with Mario. Just wait until he finds out." Ash said, "Oh, I know he won't find out." Bianca asked, "What are you saying?" Ash said, "Sweet dreams, Bianca!" Bianca was about to say something when Ash knocked her out with a baseball bat he brought with him (because he loves baseball). Then, he dragged her unconscious body to the forest where she will stay until everyone else arrives to the island.

Within Bill's view came another boat. However, there seemed to be a light blue stream of light right beside the boat. "Can I please ride with you, Buttercup?" asked the girl that's causing the blue light. "No, Bubbles." Buttercup said. "Please." Bubbles said again. "No." Buttercup said again. "Please." Bubbles said for the 3rd time. "No!" Buttercup said for the 3rd time. "Please!" Bubbles said for the 4th consecutive time. "NO!" Buttercup screamed. "PLEASE!" Bubbles yelled. "Were already here." Buttercup said as they arrived. "Yay! Thanks for the ride." Bubbles said as she went to Bill. "Hi there! I'm Bubbles. And this is Buttercup." "I think he knows that." Buttercup said. Bill said, "Nice to meet you for the 2nd time. Now why don't you two adorable ladies go over to your sister and your possible new friends or enemies." Buttercup said angrily, "I am not cute." Bill said, "I so don't care. Damn that's good. Intern!" One of his interns came and said, "Yes sir." Bill replied, "Make the sentence 'I so don't care.' my catchphrase." The intern said, "On it, sir."

While everyone was getting to know each other, there was a sudden explosion coming from the ocean. Then, a pig with fire powers came soaring towards the island and made a crash landing on the dock. "Damn it, I just had that thing fixed! ASSISTANT!" Bill screamed. "Already on it." Bill's assistant said with less charisma this time around. The poor pig got his head stuck in the ground. Fortunately, Bill's assistant was strong enough to pull him out of the ground. "Thanks man." the pig said. "Uh-huh." the assistant said. "Seriously! What is it with you guys and destroying my precious property?! I need those for challenges!" Bill yelled. "Look man. I didn't mean to destroy your dock." said the pig. "Yeah. Tell that to the snake and otter." Bill said blaming Snivy and Oshawott. "Wait. Tepig's also here. Just what the world needed." Snivy said. Ash said, "Tepig!" Tepig said, "Ash!" The two of them ran until they ran into each other. Literally. "Boo-yeah!" they both said as they bounced off each other chests. As they did that, the next boat appeared. Out of the boat came a young man with glasses, a blue jacket, a white t-shirt, and black pants. "Excuse me, boat driver. This doesn't seem like the right place. The brochure says I'm supposed to be at an island with a robot in the middle of the island." Bill laughed, "Oh Cheren. You are so easy to trick." Cheren said, "I figured something was fishy about this brochure." Then he realized that all of his friends were here along with him. "Well that took a turn for the better." he said as he went to meet up with his friends once again. Afterwards, he noticed something strange. "Hold on. Where's Bianca?" Cheren asked. "Oh her. She didn't make the cut." Ash answered. Iris said, "But I could've sworn I-". Ash put his right hand across her mouth before she could finish. "Didn't make the cut. Heartbreaking, isn't it?" Cheren answered in a queered (the weird queer, not the gay queer, you dirty minded bastards) out fashion, "Right."

Next came another boat. In it was a red echidna wearing sunglasses like a douche. "S'up everyone! Knuckles is in the building!" the echidna said. Everyone was silent. "Who?" Ash asked. "Oh for God's sake! I'm Knuckles the Echidna!" he yelled. Everyone was still quiet. "Doesn't ring a bell." Cheren said. Knuckles sighed.

!

**Knuckles: Oh come on! The audience will certainly remember me. Right. Right?**

!

"Welcome to the club, buddy." Luigi said. Unexpectedly, some girly music started playing. "Oh no." Sonic said who was about to have a heart attack. "I know that music from anywhere." Tails asked, "What are you- Oh. I see why." Suddenly, Sonic was gone. "Where'd he go?" Tepig said. The next moment, Sonic was seen running towards the mountain on the other side of the island. Everyone can hear faint cries of fear. Unfortunately, Sonic tripped over Bianca's unconscious body (which was apparently in a bag) and sent Sonic skidding into the ground. In the bag, Bianca had finally awoken. "AHHHH!" she screamed. "I'm in a bag! Someone help me! Ow, my head!" But to her dismay, no one showed up. "Fine. I'll do it myself." she said. Meanwhile, the others and the new arrival found Sonic 10 feet in the ground. "Oh my God. Sonic, are you alright?" said the pink hedgehog with a red dress. "Get away from me, demon!" Sonic yelled. "Sonic, we just want to help." Tails said. "Not until that psychopath is 100 miles away from me." Sonic said. After Amy (the pink hedgehog) was at the dock, Knuckles said, "Okay, she's gone now." Sonic said with temporary relief, "Thank goodness. Okay, I'm getting out." It took several seconds, but Sonic was finally out of the hole. "I f**king hate your guts, Bill." he said the second he got out. "Aw, that's so nice of you, Sonic." Bill said. Then, Amy came running and screamed, "Sonic!" However, Sonic couldn't get away this time, and Amy ran into him and started kissing him. "Eww! Amy Cooties!" he screamed.

!

**Sonic: *wiping off the lipstick on his face*. I swear. One of these days, Bill is going to get it hard. And I'm going to laugh my ass off. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! No, I'm not evil. I'm just thirsty for revenge.**

!

The semifinal boat kicked off (literally) a kid that's fat, light purple, wears a dark purple hat and outfit, and is a mix of a bear, cat, and bunny (according to my knowledge, since no one knows what he is). He was seen eating a cheeseburger with fries. "Where did you get the food?" Bill said. "Oh this. I got it from the McDonald's across this island." the chubby kid said. "But my interns fed you like- Oh right. You're a really hungry kid all day, every day. Stupid! Come on, Chowder. Let's introduce you to your opponents." Bill said. "Wait. Is this a game where I have to be physical?" Chowder asked. "Yeah? Didn't you read the brochure?" Bill said. Suddenly, Chowder was seen running back to the dock. "GET ME OUT OF HERE!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Well, I hope you're a good swimmer, because your boat just went out of town." Bill said as the boat left. "Fine, I'll stay." Chowder grunted as he walked back to his opponents.

!

**Chowder: I know a certain chef who's butt is going to get kicked once I return home. And to everyone else watching, uh, hi! I'm on TV!**

!

Finally, after a ton of waiting (or in your case, after a ton of reading), the final boat came within Bill's eyesight. "Land ho!" yelled the 16-year old boy in the boat. He had brown hair, a green jacket with a black stripe in the middle, jeans, and an odd looking watch on his left wrist. "What's up, Ben?" Bill said. But Ben ignored him and went straight to the ladies. "Hey there." But none of them responded except Snivy, who of which said, "Go away, you loser." Ben sighed in shame. "Well. Now that everyone is here, let's take a photo for the presses. Follow me!" Bill said as the competitors followed him to the dock. When everyone made it to the dock, Bill seemed concerned about something. "Wait just a moment. One of you guys is missing." A few seconds later, Bianca finally arrived. "Here I am." said an exhausted Bianca. "Bianca? What are you doing here?" Cheren asked. "What do you mean? I'm competing just like the rest of you." she answered. Cheren gave Ash a mean look and said, "Didn't make the cut, huh?!" Ash said nervously, "Uh! Whoopsies." Cheren sighed, "Never mind." Bill said, "Okay, everyone say 'One Direction sucks'." At the same time, everyone said, "One Direction su-AHHHH!" Unfortunately, due to the limited amount of weight a damaged dock can carry, the contestants were dropped straight into the ocean. Double unfortunately, the camera flashed 3 seconds after they fell into the water. "That's a keeper." Bill said.

*Author's Note*

To avoid confusion on who's who, let me give you a basic rundown of each of our 24 competitors.

Bianca: The Average Teenage Girl

Ash: The Sexist Retard

Tails: The Smartass

Luigi: The Ignored One

Johnny Bravo: The Poser

Snivy: The Tough Girl

Oshawott: The Multi-Talented Guy

Blossom: The Clean Freak

Silver: The Loser with Psychic Powers

Peach: The Princess (but not the bitchy kind, thank God)

Billy: The Unfortunate Moron

Mandy: The Carefree Girl

Iris: The Fame Hungry Black Girl

Axew: The Nice Guy

Sonic: The Cool Guy

Mario: The Easy Going Plumber

Bubbles: The Stereotypical Blonde Gal

Buttercup: The Other Tough Girl

Tepig: The Drooling Idiot

Cheren: The Nerd

Knuckles: The Pervert

Amy: The Girl with ADHD

Chowder: The Endless Garbage Can

Ben: The Internet Memer


	3. Chapter 3: Welcome To Your New Home

Chapter 3: This Is Where You'll Be Staying For The Next Few Months

Once everyone was done drying off and got a new set of clothing, they went down to the ceremonial (which looked like a campfire with a dozen logs right by it). "Alright, my fellow contestants." Bill said cheerfully. "Now that you're all here, let me explain the rules to you." Since you've already heard this in Chapter 1, we'll skip to the part where Bill announces the teams. "Seriously, that IS a mouthful!" Bill said like he did in Chapter 1. "Moving on. The following members per team are as follows." Bill presented the contestants with a huge piece of cardboard that told them of the teams each and every one of them would be in. On it said:

**Red: Axew, Tails, Amy, Bianca, and Chowder**

**Blue: Luigi, Snivy, Iris, Buttercup, Silver, and Ben**

**Yellow: Bubbles, Tepig, Cheren, Mario, Sonic, and Billy**

**Green: Knuckles, Oshawott, Ash, Peach, Mandy, and Blossom**

"Hold on a minute! Where am I?" Johnny said. "Oops! Let me fix that." Bill said as he wrote Johnny's name in the Red team section. "Problem solved." Sonic said in frustration as he finished reading the board, "First you invite Mario to this show, then you put him in the same team as me!" Bill replied, "Hey, just be lucky I didn't put Amy with you." Sonic said, "Fair enough."

After everyone had found out about what teams they were going to be in, Bill told them to head off to their cabins until it was time for dinner. "And also, try to get along with each other." Bill said sarcastically. "Have fun with getting to know your competitors better!"

!

**Bill: This is going to be the greatest thing ever!**

!

The minute the Red team stepped foot into their cabin, Tails said in disgust, "Oh my God, what is that God-forsaken smell?!" Then they soon found out that a rabbit has been dead in their cabin for 3 straight weeks. "That's disgusting!" Bianca screeched.

!

**Bianca: Can't Bill at least have the decency to clean up the cabin BEFORE we enter it for the first time?**

!

**Bill: No way! Otherwise, this episode wouldn't get as many views as it is right now.**

!

"Oh boy! Dead rabbit!" Chowder said in excitement as he ate the thing whole. His teammates' faces instantly turned green at the sight of Chowder eating a 3-week old dead rabbit. "Can someone give me a barf bag?" Axew asked in desperation. "You're on your own, little guy!" Tails said as he threw up in Johnny's hairdo. "That was just wrong." Johnny said.

Meanwhile, the Blue team weren't having as many issues as the Red team. Sadly, that doesn't mean everything was all fine and dandy. "I called it first, jackass!" Ben yelled. "No way! I was on here WAY before you even got to this cabin!" Silver yelled back. "Well since you went to use the facilities, I automatically get it." Ben said. "How the hell is that fair?! I got here first and you know it!" Silver yelled. "LADIES!" Snivy screamed. "For the love of God, shut the f**k up! Here's your solution. I sleep here, and you two sissies stop fighting. Happy now?" Both Ben and Silver said, "No." Snivy replied with, "Well I don't give a damn. I'm sleeping here, and this conversation is over." Ben said, "But-" "OVER!" Snivy interrupted.

!

**Snivy: Jesus, I haven't been here for an hour and I'm already annoyed. I really hope it's not like this the entire time I'm here.**

**Bill: *enters the confessional*. Oh it's only just begun.**

**Snivy: Get out of here!**

!

With the Yellow team, they immediately notice something strange. "What the heck is that on the bed?" Sonic asked. Cheren looked at it for several seconds before answering with fear, "Th-That's a… cobra!" Bubbles yelled, "A COBRA?! AHHHHHHHHH!" Unfortunately, the cobra woke up when Bubbles screamed. Double unfortunately, the cobra ran right into Sonic and started crushing him. "Help me!" said a crushed Sonic. His teammates (Bubbles excluded) tried to pull the cobra off of him. Despite their efforts, they couldn't do it. But then, Cheren had an idea. "Look! A dead rabbit!" Cheren said. Fortunately, the cobra left the cabin and let go of Sonic. "Thanks man." Sonic panted.

Lastly, the Green team entered their cabin with no issues. Well, until they were done setting up their cabin. As Blossom was finishing up her cleaning, Knuckles threw an empty Coke can at her. "Hey! Ever heard of a trash can? Use it!" said an angry Blossom. Knuckles said, "Yeah. Like I'm going to listen to a little girl." Blossom yelled, "Are you trying to stir up trouble?! Cause I'm not going to take that lightly!" Knuckles asked, "Why do you care?" Blossom answered, "I care because I'm not a disgusting slob like you." Knuckles screamed, "What did you just call me?!" Blossom replied in a smartass way, "You heard me." Before they could lay a fist upon one another, Peach broke up the fight. "Come on guys. Please stop fighting." she said in the most polite way possible. "Yeah. Stop acting like those bitches on The Real Housewives and suck the penis you both want to suck." Ash said. "Not helping." Peach whispered to Ash. Then, Blossom and Knuckles said, "Fine." Peach thought, "_Never mind."_

!

**Blossom: This isn't over! You hear me, audience?!**

!

A few hours later, it was time for dinner. "Alright, you brats! It is time for dinner!" said a dove with the most stereotypical black guy voice in the history of black beings. "This is where you will eat 3 times a day. And if you're late, well, looks like you'll just starve until the next meal. That also goes for something you don't like. Understand!" All of the contestants said, "Sir, yes sir!" The black dove said (who's name is Pidove, by the way), "Good. Now come and get your food!"

That night's dinner was pretty damn disgusting. It looked like puke mixed with diarrhea that had pieces of corn in it. Bill said that it's supposed to be a Sloppy Joe, but the contestants thought otherwise. "Well this is one gross-looking Sloppy Joe." Mario said. Most of the contestants ended up starving that night (Can you guess who didn't? Cause honestly, it's not that hard.).


	4. Chapter 4: The First Challenge

Chapter 4: The First Challenge

The next morning, after breakfast, our competitors were at the entrance of the forest. "Why are we at the forest?" asked a nervous Luigi. Ben asked, "Dude, what's up with you? You're acting like you've seen a ghost." Luigi screamed, "A GHOST! WHERE!?" Ben replied, "Relax, there's not a ghost within sight. What I mean is this. The minute we arrived here you started getting all scared and stuff. What's up with that?" Luigi answered nervously, "Oh that. It's nothing important. Just forget about it." Ben said in a confused way, "Okay?"

!

**Ben: I may be stupid, but I'm not that stupid. It's clear that Luigi has issues with forests. And I'm going to get to the bottom of this.**

**Bill: *enters confessional*. Hey Ben.**

**Ben: What do you want? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?**

**Bill: You know that Basic Character Description part mentioned in Chapter 2.**

**Ben: What about it?**

**Bill: You see, the thing is, you aren't really acting like oh, I don't know, AN INTERNET MEMER! So I'd get started if I were you. *leaves confessional*.**

**Ben: Jeez. What a douche bag.**

!

"Well Luigi." Bill answered. "We are here for your very first challenge." Ash said excitedly, "Ooh! I wonder what it is." Bill said, "Your first challenge is called Paintball Deer Hunting." There was silence for a few seconds. Then, Tails had the balls to say, "Gee, that's REALLY original. It's not like I've never heard of this before." Ash said while agreeing with Tails, "Yeah. This was a challenge in that one episode of Total Drama Island. Man, that was the worst episode ever." Tepig asked, "Why? Because Cody got eliminated." Ash answered, "No, because that bitch didn't leave." (*Author's Note*. If you want to know what TDI is, don't ask me, Google it you lazy pricks!).

Bill said angrily, "Okay smartass! Since you know ALL about this challenge, why don't YOU explain it to the other contestants?! Go on, DO IT! Do it now!" Tails said, "Okay. Sure man."

!

**Tails: Remind me not to piss off Bill, okay audience. *starts giggling, which quickly turns into laughter*. Who am I kidding? Of course I'm not going to stop. This guy's an a**hole.**

!

Tails spoke aloud while doing a poorly-done impersonation of Bill, "What is Paintball Deer Hunting, you ask? Well it goes like this."

"Each and every contestant is either a deer or a hunter. The hunters are the ones that are doing the actual shooting. You have unlimited ammo, so you never have to worry about running out of ammo. On the other hand, the deer are the ones being shot at. Your goal is to get as much paint on your opponents within a 15-minute time limit. The team with the most amount of paint on them loses the challenge and WILL be facing elimination. Meanwhile, the winning team WILL not only receive immunity, but they'll also win a reward."

"Understand." Tails said without the God-awful impersonation. Everyone nodded their heads up and down. "Good." Tails said. "So, how was that Bill?" Bill had his mouth wide open due to Tails' amazing speaking skills. "Lose the accent, and we're good. But I'm explaining the rules from now on. And also, how the hell did you know that I was going to give out a reward for the winning team?" Bill said. Tails replied with, "A smart one never reveals his secrets."

!

**Tails: Right, Blaze?**

!

Bill cleared his throat and said, "Anyways, it's time to announce our hunters and our deer. For the Red team, our hunters are Axew, Bianca, and Johnny Bravo. As for Tails, Amy, and Chowder, you guys are the deer."

!

**Tails: I think after what I said before the challenge, Bill made a vendetta against me. Damn. My dad was right. I should've learned on how to shut my mouth up when necessary.**

!

"On the Blue team, our hunters are Iris, Buttercup, and Silver. And for Luigi, Snivy, and Ben, a pair of antlers, a tail, and a big red nose." Bill continued. Snivy said, "This is a light bulb with red paint on it." Bill said, "Oh that's not paint. That's dried blood." Luigi took a look at his light bulb and instantly fainted. "Are you f**king kidding me, Luigi? Get up, you pussy!" Snivy yelled as she smacked the crap out of Luigi.

!

**Snivy: So after 1 day, I've finally figured out my entire team. One of them is a complete pansy, two of them are losers, and the other two are the only ones I can bear to deal with. Great. That's just f**king great!**

!

Bill continued on by telling the Yellow team, "The official hunters for the Yellow team are Bubbles, Tepig, and Mario. Sadly, that makes Cheren, Sonic, and Billy the deer."

!

**Sonic: SERIOUSLY! Bill hates my guts! I swear!**

!

Finally, Bill finished off the explanation by saying to the Green team, "On the Green team, the hunters are Knuckles, Mandy, and Blossom. Unfortunately, Oshawott, Ash, and Peach will be the deer." Ash asked, "Wait. Isn't Bianca a hunter?" Bianca loaded her paintball gun and lipped to Ash with an evil smile, "You're dead, you sexist son of a bitch!" Ash gulped.

!

**Ash: And to think me and Bill would have a lovely relationship. But no, he ruined it by making me a deer and Bianca a hunter. Well here you go Bill! *flips the bird*. I hope you're happy, you backstabber!**

!

After everyone got into their outfits, it was time for the challenge to begin. Lucky for the deer, they got a 1-minute head start. "Hunters, are you ready to shoot down some deer that isn't your own?" Bill asked. The hunters answered, "Yeah!" Bill said, "Good. Now move out!" All of the hunters started searching down the deer the second the air horn went off.

When the first two minutes went by, no one had shot anything. And Bianca wasn't taking that very well. "Damn it. I've been searching for two minutes and I still can't find him." she said as she was walking beside her hunting teammates. Johnny asked Bianca, "By the way. Why do you hate this 'Ash' kid you keep mentioning?" Bianca answered, "If I told you that, you'd kill him." She thought about it for a minute and continued by saying, "Fine, I'll tell you. He has said so many horrible things to me ever since we met." Johnny said, "Meaning." Bianca said, "What I'm saying is that he is the most sexist boy I have ever laid eyes on." Johnny said in shock, "Good God! Someone should teach him a lesson!" Bianca said in shame, "Even if you try, he'll still be the women-hating bastard he is right now." Suddenly, there was someone running through the bushes. "What was that?!" Axew asked in fear. Then for the second time in a row, it happened again. "Seriously! This isn't funny." Axew said with more fear than before. Finally, for the third time, it came by again. "That's it!" Axew yelled as he shot his first paintball. Due to dumb luck, Axew managed to get a perfect shot. And by perfect, I mean in all the wrong places. "AHHHH! *** damn it!" Sonic said in agonizing pain. "That was in the balls!" Bianca and Johnny looked at Axew with disappointment. "What?" the little dragon asked. "Dude, seriously?" Johnny asked. "WHAT?! What did I do?!" Axew asked in pure desperation. Bianca answered while still disappointed, "You shot him in the balls." Axew said, "So." Bianca replied, "So! Axew, you don't do that! It makes you look bad." Axew said shamefully, "I'm sorry, okay." Sonic said sounding like a little girl before falling face first to the ground, "Well sorry isn't going to get me a new scrotum." Axew sighed.

Meanwhile, Ash was still hiding from Bianca. Lucky for him, she was miles away from him. "Oh thank God. Now that I lost her, I'm going to search for Tepig." Ash said as he searched for his little buddy. It took him three minutes, but he finally found him. Unfortunately for Ash, Tepig saw his suit and started shooting paintballs like there was no tomorrow. "Tepig! Stop, it's me!" Ash screamed. "Me who?" Tepig asked. Ash answered, "Ash Gotta Ketchum." Tepig stopped shooting and said, "Oh, what a relief." He put his gun down and asked, "So, how's life with your team?" Ash replied with, "Oh that. They aren't that bad. Knuckles is cool, Oshawott is, well, Oshawott, Peach is HOT, Mandy is too quiet, and Blossom is too much for me to handle." Tepig asked, "What do you mean by that?" Ash replied with, "What I'm saying is that she's almost as annoying as someone who takes religion way too seriously." Tepig said, "Oh, that kind of annoying. Well I hope you survive living with her." Ash said, "I hope so t-." Before he could finish his sentence, Bianca had shot him in the back of his head, knocking him out in the process. "Gotcha!" she said as she ran off.

Three minutes earlier, on the other side of the island, Cheren was still running. He panted, "Man, I really need to work out on something other than my brain." Unexpectedly, he was yanked into the bushes right beside him. "DON'T SHOOT!" he screamed. The one who pulled Cheren into the bushes said, "Why? I don't even have a gun." Cheren said in relief, "Oh. It's just you, Sonic. And… Billy. Why are you guys hiding in the same bush?" Billy answered, "We were coming up with a plan when you showed up." Cheren asked, "A plan? Like what? Dump paint on the hunters." Sonic replied happily, "Hey, that's not bad at all. But how do we get paint?" Lucky for Billy, when he turned around for some dumb reason, he saw a dozen cans of unused paint. "Hey guys! I found some!" he yelled. "No freaking way." Sonic said with doubt. But when he saw the paint, he lost doubt and believed Billy. "Seems legit. Okay guys, here's the plan." But before Sonic could explain his master plan, Cheren was already setting things up. "Damn, you work fast." Sonic said with astonishment. Cheren said, "Thanks. It's in my blood." After only a minute, Cheren was already done building. "It's finished." he said. "Now we just wait until someone steps on the invisible string."

Five minutes later, the three Yellow deer were still waiting for someone to step on it. "Boring! I'm going to get me a sandwich." Billy said. Cheren saw where Billy was walking and screamed, "No! Not there!" Billy asked, "Why not?" Unfortunately, due to pure stupidity, he stepped on the invisible string and the paint started to pour. "NO!" Cheren yelled as he ran to push Billy out of the danger zone. Sadly, he didn't make it in time and the both of them got splattered with a dozen cans of red, blue, yellow, and green paint. Everything was silent until Sonic grabbed his iPhone 5 and snapped a picture. "Really? At a time like this?" asked the covered-in-paint Cheren. Sonic said, "What? It's good Facebook material."

!

**Cheren: *sigh*. Sometimes, I think Sonic doesn't take things like serious situations too critically. He's the equivalent to The Onion.**

!

Several feet behind where Ash's unconscious body was, Knuckles was searching for the other teams' deer. Then, he tripped on Ash's body and said, "What the hell?" Knuckles turned around to see Ash lying face first on the ground. "Holy s**t! Are you okay, man?!" he asked while yelling and shaking Ash back and forth. When he woke up, he said, "Ow, my aching head. I feel like that guy who got the tattoo in The Hangover Part 2." Knuckles said with relief, "Oh thank the Lord that you're still alive!" Ash asked, "What happened to me?" Knuckles checked behind Ash's head to see a splatter of red paint. "It seems like one of the Reds got you." Knuckles answered. Things became silent for some time. Then, Ash screamed, "MOTHER F**KER! That bitch got me with my guard down!" Knuckles asked with a concerned tone in his voice, "Do you happen to be talking about that girl with the dumb hat?"

!

**Bianca: SERIOUSLY!? My hat isn't stupid at all! Everyone's just jealous.**

!

Ash said sarcastically, "Who did you think I was talking about? Sarah Jessica Parker?" Knuckles said, "No." Ash said happily, "Oh, good. Now let's get revenge. But first, let's get some ice cream." Knuckles asked happily while acting like a moron, "From where?" Ash answered, "CherryBerry, of course!" The both of them started running in a stupid fashion. "Yay!" they both said stupidly.

!

**Ash: Man, me and Knuckles have SO much in common. This looks like the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Wait, I didn't mean to make that sound gay. *tries to cover up the camera*. Turn it off!**

!

Ten minutes have passed, and Bill turned on the speaker. "Contestants!" he said. "You guys only have 5 minutes left to cover up your opponents with paint. So get to it!" On top of the only mountain on the island, Iris yelled, "Five minutes! But I still haven't found a *** damn deer!" Silver said, "Maybe it's because you've only been searching for deer on the top of this mountain." Iris told Silver, "Shut up, marijuana-head." She ignored Silver's idea and still searched for deer. Thirty seconds later, she found one. "Found you." she whispered to herself. Iris grabbed a paint grenade and threw it down to where the deer was. Unfortunately, it turned out to be Ben and the grenade went off and splattered blue paint all over him. "Aw s**t!" he screamed. Then, Iris realized it was Ben and said, "Whoops." When Ben looked up, he saw Iris sitting up there. "ARE YOU F**KING RETARDED!?" he screamed so loud Iris could hear him. "Sorry!" she yelled back. Silver said sarcastically, "Smooth move, dumbass." Iris said, "Go f**k yourself."

!

**Silver: Well if we end up losing, at least we know who to vote off.**

!

The cameras start following Ben after that little incident. "Stupid black girl. Thinking that throwing a paint grenade at me would be funny." he said. Suddenly, a nasally voice asked from 5 feet away, "You do realize that it was an accident, right?" Ben said in shock, "Luigi?! So that's the place you've been at this entire time." Luigi asked, "Why do you sound like you've realized something?" Ben answered, "Oh, actually, the thing is, I've wanted to talk to you about a certain something." Luigi asked again, "Like?" Ben replied, "Like, um, you freaking out at the entrance of the forest." Luigi screamed in his mind, "_Oh no! He wants to know!"_ Then, he told Ben, "I already told you that it's not something we should be concerned about." Ben begged, "Aw come on man, will you please tell me, your fellow teammate?" He went on with the puppy look. This went on for several more seconds until Luigi said, "Okay, I'll talk!" Unfortunately for you, the editors cut out this part, so you will never know why Luigi hates forests (or not this very chapter, at least). "Zoh my God! That explains everything!" Ben said after Luigi finished. "I know. It's embarrassing." Luigi said in shame. "Hey Ben." Ben said, "Yeah." Luigi asked, "Can you do me a favor and not tell anyone else this story?" Ben answered, "Sure thing. Your secret is safe with me." They shook each other's hands and went on separate paths.

Near the dock, underwater, Chowder had surprisingly managed to avoid getting shot by anyone. "Huh. Only 5 minutes left. This'll be easier than that food eating competition I entered." But just like a game of Mario Party, his luck had vanished when Bubbles found him. "I got you!" she yelled. But when she tried to shoot, nothing came out. "What the?" Bubbles said in confusion. It turns out when she was trying to shoot Snivy (which happened off-screen), she used up all of her 'unlimited' ammo. "Hey! I thought we had unlimited ammo?!" Bubbles said in complete anger. Bill said through the speaker, "Yeah, we did. But after the 10-minute mark, we realized it was expensive, so we turned it off." Bubbles yelled, "You cheapskates! I'm going to get you for this!" Then, she went straight to the forest entrance, leaving Chowder behind. "Phew." he said. "That was a close one."

Then, time was up. "Okay everyone. Get your asses back here and let's see the results." said Bill. When everyone came back to where they started from, Bill took a look at everyone. "Boy, oh boy. Was this an exciting game? But, in the end, we must reveal a winner and a loser." he said when he finished analyzing the competitors. "Our loser of the week is…" There was silence. "… the Yellow team." Bill continued. All of the Yellow team sighed in disappointment. "On the other hand, our winner of the week is…" Once again, everything turned quiet. "… the Red team." he finished. The entire Red team cheered with such joy. "And your prize is… an Icee machine until the merge." Again, the Red team cheered on. Bill continued with, "Yellow team. What can I say? It sucks to be you. I will see your sorry asses later on tonight. And as for the rest of you, get out of here and enjoy a week without any worries of being voted off." Everyone went back to their cabins.

Later on that night, the Yellow team were heading towards the elimination ceremony. At that time, Cheren and Billy had managed to wash off most of the paint that was spilled all over them. "Welcome, losers." Bill said. "Can it, Bill." said a pissed off Sonic.

!

**Sonic: I can't believe this. My team lost the VERY first challenge! This isn't looking good for my future.**

!

Bill said, "Okay, Mr. No-Fun-At-All. Now, do you all know why you're here instead of your cabin?" Tepig said, "Just get to the point." Bill said, "Fine, I will."

"You all know of these marshmallows, right?" Bill asked. They all replied, "Yeah." Bill said, "Well, these aren't your average marshmallows. These fluffy things full of deliciousness represent your life in this very game. Each of you who is safe will receive one. The one person who doesn't get one will be forced to walk down the dock and take the boat ride home. And never come back." Tepig gulped. "So, let's get to it." Bill said. "The first one goes to… Mario." Bill threw the marshmallow to Mario, who caught it with no effort. "Sonic." Bill threw the next marshmallow towards Sonic, but it landed on the ground. "Douche." Sonic said. Bill ignored Sonic's statement and said, "Cheren." As Bill threw the next marshmallow to Cheren, he said, "Oh, what a relief?" Bill continued on by saying, "Bubbles." Bill threw the semifinal marshmallow towards her, which she caught with her mouth. "Mm. Delicious." she said happily.

And now, it was down to Tepig and Billy. Bill said, "And so, I only have one marshmallow left. Who will it go to? Tepig or Billy? The results are here. The last marshmallow of the night goes to…" Both of them were pretty nervous that night. Tepig was biting his nails while Billy was shaking. "… Tepig." When Tepig heard his name, he ran to Bill and took his marshmallow. "What?" Billy said in shock. Bill said, "Ooh, sorry Billy. You were so close, but yet so far. It's time to pack your bags and get on out of here." Billy said while still in shock, "Why? Why was I voted off?" Bill said, "Isn't it obvious? You-" But before Bill could finish, Billy said, "Screw you guys." Then, he ran off to his boat ride home. "Well you guys be glad it wasn't you who was sent home. Head on back to your cabin. You're safe. For now." Bill said as the Yellow team headed back to their cabin. Then, Bill said, "And we're done. Our first contestant has left the building. Who will leave next? What will the next challenge be? And when is my damn coffee going to get to my hand?" Pidove said, "Sorry sir." Bill finished the episode by saying, "Tune in next time for another episode of… Retard… Island!"


	5. Chapter 5: World of Warcraft Rocks!

Chapter 5: Wizards, Warriors, and Explosions (But Mostly Explosions)

One week later, the Yellow team were still taking the loss seriously. Well, mostly Sonic, but you know what I'm getting at.

!

**Sonic: God, this is bulls**t! I expected more from these guys. That's what I get for having high expectations.**

!

Sonic was shown laying on his bed for the 7th day in a row. "Come on, Sonic. That was a week ago. You need to get over it." Mario said. Sonic said, "Like in Hell will I take advice from you." Mario gave up by saying, "Okay, that tears it. All of us have been trying to get last week's moment out of your head. But all you do is whine about it like a spoiled brat who doesn't get their way. Have fun being miserable for the rest of your time here."

!

**Mario: Talking to an upset Sonic is like talking to a girl from New Jersey. It's unbearable!**

!

Meanwhile, the Red team were having a party for a straight week. And it just ended. "Oh my God, that was such a great party." said a drunk Tails. Bianca said, "Tails. Did you have one too many Icee drinks?" Tails said, "Maybe." Unexpectedly, Tails fell onto the ground. Five minutes later, he woke up with one of the worst hangovers in the history of hangovers. "S**t. Why does my head hurt so bad?" he asked. Amy said, "You had too many Icees, you danced like a homo, you were a stripper, you broke everything, and you f**ked Snooki." Snooki came out of the cabin and said, "I'll see you later, Tails." The fox asked, "I f**ked Snooki?!" Axew said, "And you made her give you a blowjob." Then, Tails grabbed a mallet and knocked himself out.

Later on that day, everyone was having lunch when Bill showed up. Pidove was blowing on a trumpet with horrible results. "All hail King Bill." the bird said. Bill walked off of his lovely chair to announce the next challenge. "What the hell do you want, Bill?" asked a still pissed off Sonic. Bill said, "That's King Bill to you, peasant. Anyways, I'm here to give you news of the next challenge." Sonic asked, "Which is?" Bill answered, "A fight to the death to keep your castle safe!" Everyone was like, "Okay." Bill continued on with, "The rules are simple."

"Everyone is split into three different classes. A warrior, a wizard, and a meat shield. Warriors are pretty simple to understand. You just fight in hand-to-hand combat with only a sword and a shield. Of course, you will be wearing a knight suit to protect yourself. Wizards are the ones who get to have a blast. They have all sorts of magical powers and can pretty much do anything they damn please. You will wear a wizard suit, white beard, and hold on to a staff to identify that you are a wizard. Lastly, meat shields are pretty self-explanatory. Your duty is to protect your castle from harm with no weapons but your bare fists and feet. All you wear is a chest plate. The goal of the game is to destroy your opponents' castles before they destroy yours. The team with their castle still up wins a reward. However, the first team to lose their castle will face elimination."

"Any questions?" Bill asked after he finished explaining the rules. No one raised their hand. "Good. Now head out to the dome." Ash asked, "We have a dome?" Bill answered, "Well DUH! It's kind of hard to miss." Ash said, "Well that's nice to know."

!

**Ash: Bill can be such a dick from time to time. Like yesterday, when I was just minding my own business, he ran up to me and smacked me in the face.**

**Bill: *enters the confessional just to smack Ash upside the face*.**

**Ash: Ow! See what I mean?!**

!

Once everyone showed up to the dome (found near the dock, by the way), it was time for Bill to announce who is who. "Okay. Now that everyone is here, let's see who is a warrior, a wizard, or a meat shield." said an excited Bill. "The warriors are Bianca, Johnny, Luigi, Silver, Mario, Sonic, Ash, and Blossom. The wizards are Amy, Chowder, Snivy, Iris, Bubbles, Cheren, Peach, and Mandy. Everyone else is a meat shield." Tails said, "Seriously." Cheren said, "But wait a minute. Tepig is our only meat shield. Don't we get another?" Bill said, "No." Sonic asked, "Why?!" Bill answered, "Well maybe you shouldn't have lost the first challenge." Sonic thought, "_Don't remind me." _Bill said, "Alrighty then. Competitors, spread out." Everyone got into their positions. "Are we ready?" Bill asked. They all nodded their heads. "3, 2, 1... Go!" Bill yelled.

The warriors and wizards were running like there was a sale going on at Wal-Mart. Meanwhile, the meat shields stood right by their home castle. Bianca was seen running straight towards Ash.

!

**Bianca: Finally! God has given me an opportunity to get revenge on Ash for every sexist thing he has ever said to me. This'll be a blast!**

!

"So, you came. I knew you would." said a cocky Ash. Bianca said, "Don't get too confident, little boy. Cause I'm going to kick your ass." She ran to strike Ash. But, he dodged the blow at the last second. "So that's how you want to play it? Okay then. I'll play that way." said a still cocky Ash. He charged for an attack on Bianca, which she dodges flawlessly. Then, the two warriors started swinging their swords like they were never going to use them ever again.

Meanwhile, Axew and Tails were sitting around waiting for opposing warriors and wizards to approach their castle. "This is a lot of fun." Tails said sarcastically. "Yeah. Not only is it the most painful thing to get, it's also the most boring to get." agreed an equally bored Axew. They sat there for a few more seconds when Tails remembered something. He grabbed something out of his pocket. Axew asked Tails, "You have pockets?" Tails answered, "Of course. I have so much fur that I can make my own pockets with it." After he said that, he pulled out a deck of cards. "I knew bringing these was a great idea."

!

**Tails: Right, Blaze?**

!

On the Yellow team, Cheren was checking out everything his staff had to offer. "Wow! Bill put a lot of magical powers in this staff. Fire, ice, TNT. Could this get any better?" he said happily. Suddenly, Johnny came towards Cheren to attack. Luckily, Cheren had managed to blast Johnny with the TNT setting turned on. Unfortunately, Johnny was sent flying off of the island and landed 50 miles away. All the way there, poor Johnny said, "Well. This blows." Then, he started swimming back to the island.

!

**Johnny Bravo: What happened to me was really embarrassing. I hope this doesn't ruin any chances I have with the ladies.**

**Bill: *laughing loudly from outside of the confessional***

!

Still on the Yellow team, Mario and Sonic were coming up with a strategy (surprisingly). "Alright, plumber. Any ideas?" Sonic asked. Mario thought about it for a minute before answering. "Okay. Bear with me on this, alright?" he asked. Sonic said, "Okay." Mario said, "Here's the plan I have in mind."

Mario explains to Sonic that they shouldn't attack the 3 castles head on (because he said that it really wouldn't work out in the end), but instead that they should attack from behind. There, they could tell Bubbles to set her staff to TNT mode to blow up the wall. Afterwards, they enter the castles to tear them apart with attachable bombs. And finally, they get the hell out of there before the bombs blow the castles into a million pieces. Surprisingly, Sonic agreed with the plan and started heading for the Red team's castle. Unfortunately, Tails and Axew were playing cards behind the castle (because Axew wanted to go to the nearest shade). "Damn it! They knew about our plan." Sonic said. But the two meat shields didn't know what Sonic was talking about. "What plan?" they both asked. Sonic answered nervously, "Uh! Did I say plan? I meant to say pear." Tails said sarcastically, "Really?" Fortunately, Mario saw this and told Bubbles to make grenades instead. And like making the perfect headshot in Call of Duty, the Red team's castle blew up like it was cracked glass. Bill noticed and said, "The Red team's castle has blown up! Literally. Red team, you guys will be facing elimination tonight." Bianca was still fighting Ash when she heard the news. "What? Already?" she said in disappointment. Ash said, "Ha! Take that, bitch!" Unfortunately for him, he got punched right in the kiwis (the only part that didn't have any armor). "Ow!" he screamed in pain. In fact, it was so bad that Knuckles had to drag Ash back to their castle. "Come on." Knuckles said as he dragged Ash.

When the two of them got back to their castle, Knuckles let go of Ash. Unfortunately, Ash didn't take the fall very well. "Couldn't you have been a little more gentle?" asked a still in pain Ash. Knuckles answered, "You'll be fine." Ash mumbled under his breath.

!

**Ash: A**hole.**

!

"So what we do now, huh? That plan REALLY worked out in the end." Blossom asked while being sarcastic. "Why don't you just shut up for a few minutes so I can come up with another plan." answered a ticked off Knuckles. The Green team thought about this for a while when Ash (who's still hurt in the no-no zone, but he doesn't have that high-pitched voice anymore) finally came up with one. He pretty much stole Mario's idea, but none of his teammates realized it. "Wow. That's surprisingly well thought out (for a retard)." said an amazed Oshawott. Ash said, "Don't thank me. Thank the Yellow team." Mandy asked, "What's that supposed to mean?" Ash answered, "Oh that. Well, here's the thing. While I was fighting Bianca, I overheard Mario giving out a plan to his teammates. I heard it all and thought, 'Hmm. That sounds like a good plan to steal.' And luckily, I just remembered about it. So, shall we get started?" His teammates nodded their heads. "Okay then. Let's get going." Ash said with his grin from when he fought with Bianca.

However, once Ash, Peach, Mandy, and Blossom got to the back of the Blue team's castle, they saw that Buttercup and Ben were sitting there. "Shouldn't you be guarding the front of the castle?" asked a baffled Ash. Ben tried to answer, but Buttercup stopped him from doing such a thing. "OW!" Ben screamed. "What the hell, man?" Buttercup ignored Ash's question and said, "That isn't any of your business." Ash said, "Look, little girl. I was trying to be nice, but you just sealed the deal."

!

**Ash: *laughs*. That rhymed.**

!

"Don't you dare call me a little girl!" Buttercup yelled in rage. Then, she flew straight towards Ash and beat the living crap out of him. Literally. After Buttercup was done with Ash, the poor kid said, "I think I crapped my pants." His teammates were disgusted at the sight of Ash's s**t-covered pants. They all left Ash behind for this reason alone. "A**holes!" he yelled. But then he was grabbed by his shirt and dragged into the Blue team's castle. When Ash arrived to the team's underground dungeon (I mean, what is a castle without a dungeon), he was thrown into a cell. "You can't do this to me! Bill wouldn't allow it!" he screamed.

!

**Bill: Actually, I can. And I will.**

!

Ten minutes later, Buttercup came back with a whip. "Why do you have that whip?" Ash asked nervously. Buttercup answered, "It's your punishment for trying to destroy our castle." She went to whip him for the first time. The first whip was so bad that Ash screamed to where people halfway across the world from the island can hear him (it's faint, but they can still hear him).

Meanwhile, Ash's teammates were still running back to their castle when they heard his screams of pain and torture. "That sounds horrible." said a scared Oshawott. Ash surprisingly heard this and cried, "Oh, you think!" But then he got whipped again after saying that. A few seconds later, the remaining Green team members were coming up with a new plan (and one that's original (or at least somewhat original)). "Okay. That plan Ash stole didn't work out, but we can still win this challenge." Knuckles said to his teammates. Unfortunately, before they could come up with just the first step, Cheren had set his staff to TNT mode and blew up the entrance of the Green team's castle. "It worked." he said before he fell face-first to the ground. Then, Bubbles, Mario, and Sonic came rushing into the castle and started heading down to their dungeon. "Don't let them make it to the self-destruct button!" demanded a worried Knuckles.

!

**Knuckles: Self-destruct button? Really, Bill? Just really?**

!

**Bill: Well I thought it was a good idea.**

!

All five of the Green team members ran as fast as they could to reach the bottom of the dungeon. But like the ever-so frustrating moment in a really hard video game, they were so close, but yet so far. The moment Bubbles pushed that button, the Green team's castle blew up here, there, and everywhere. "Pidove! Get the umbrella!" Bill demanded. Pidove said as he got the umbrella, "On it!" Pieces of the castle fell into the ocean, onto the roofs of every building on the island, and one had knocked poor Johnny in the head (who was 10 miles away from shore). "Ow!" he said in pain. "Where did this come from?" After all of the debris fell, Bill announced, "Contestants! The Green team has been eliminated!" Ash (who was still being whipped by Buttercup) cried, "*** damn it!" When the Blue team realized this, they decided to step up their game. But since Ash was still tied up, he was left behind. "Are you going to untie me?" he asked Buttercup. She answered, "Nah." Afterwards, all of the Blue team had gathered up to discuss about how they were going to take down the Yellow team.

Ironically, the Yellow team were doing the exact same thing. Both teams had discussed this for several minutes before both teams had come up with a decent plan. Tepig went up to the second floor and pulled out a machine that shoots arrows. Cheren, Bubbles, Mario, and Sonic got ready to do battle. On the Blue team, Buttercup was at the front of the castle while Ben was at the back of the castle. Luigi, Snivy, Iris, and Silver were standing 10 feet in front of their castle entrance, all of which are also ready to fight. There was silence. Then, after 10 seconds, the remaining warriors and wizards charged at each other like it was World War III. However, it wasn't as bloody and gruesome.

The warriors fought each other like two women fighting over the last pair of jeans. The wizards were also attacking, but from a distance. The ground was exploding, the island was shaking, and sparks were flying all over the battlefield. Sadly, for the Yellow team, the Blue team's forces were just too strong. They all had to run back to the castle for safety. "What are you guys doing?!" asked a concerned Tepig. "They're just too powerful! We can't fight them like this! We have to try something else!" answered an exhausted Sonic. Up ahead, the warriors and wizards from the Blue team grew closer to the Yellow team's castle. "Get in!" Tepig commanded. The Yellow warriors and wizards ran into their castle to set up for the upcoming attack. Everyone set up bombs, shotguns, more arrow-shooting machines, and better protection. Finally, the moment of truth showed it's ugly face.

"Come closer, and I'll blow your f**king heads off!" Tepig cried. The Blue team ignored his request and headed towards the entrance. "Oh, so that's how you want to play it?" Tepig said in a cocky fashion. Once the warriors and the wizards from the Blue team reached the entrance, they started tearing it down like it was paper. Unfortunately, after they destroyed the door, another one was there to take it's place. "Damn, they're good." said an astounded Iris. Ben yelled, "Let's destroy it anyways!" And so they did. Again, another door showed up when they tore down the second door. "How many freaking doors are there?!" asked an upset Silver. Then, they went on to destroy the 3rd door. But, as expected, another door appeared. "Guys! This isn't getting us anywhere." Snivy said. "They obviously set this up as a trap. Let's just go over here." And so, they followed Snivy to the right side of the castle and started destroying from there. Cheren noticed this and warned his teammates with, "They're attacking the wall!" Sonic yelled, "Not while Lara Croft's boobs are still unrealistically big!" He shot at the Blue team, missing them every single time. "Give me that damn thing." Mario said as he snatched the gun from Sonic. Unlike Sonic, Mario was actually doing something. He managed to shoot Ben in the foot. "Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow!" he yelled. Iris noticed and demanded, "Let's get out of here!" The Blue team (except Ben) ran to the back of the castle. Unexpectedly, Bubbles flew down to light the bombs. "Bubbles!" Mario cried. "What?" she asked. "I told you to put the bombs 20 feet away from the castle." Mario said to Bubbles. "Oh. I thought you meant right by the castle. My bad." she said.

!

**Bubbles: I honestly can't tell the difference.**

!

However, before Bubbles could burn out the fuses, the bombs went off like a nuke. It also left a gaping hole in the back of the castle. "Charge!" Snivy cried. The Blue team ran straight to the dungeon. When they reached the self-destruct button, Cheren was waiting for them. "I knew you would be here." he said. Buttercup asked with a grin, "Ha! What are you going to do about it?" Cheren answered, "This." He charged an attack that he was going to send straight to the Blue team. Unfortunately, the energy-filled attack poked at the self-destruct, which was enough to send the castle sky high. Everyone (along with the castle) were sent straight to outer space. Afterwards, they all fell miles after miles before they landed on the ground pretty dang hard. When the dust cleared, it was easy to tell on who won. "It's official." Bill said. "The winning team is… the Blue team!" Everyone in the Blue team cheered (although they were all in pain). "As a reward, you get a trip to the hospital and a 5-day trip to… Hawaii." Bill announced. The Blue team cheered once again as they were transported to the hospital. "Unfortunately, where there's a winner, there is a loser. Red team, I'll be seeing you at tonight's elimination ceremony. Everyone else, you are safe for another week." After Bill said that, Johnny had finally made it to shore. He panted, "Finally, I thought I'd never get here." Tails asked, "Where the hell have you been?" Johnny answered while still panting, "I've been out for a swim. A LONG swim."

Later on that day, the Red team were at their cabin. They were trying to decide on who should leave. "Man, this is so difficult." Axew said in frustration. "Who the heck are we supposed to get rid of?" Johnny said, "Well I think it should either be you or the fox? From what I heard, you two did a s**tty job at trying to protect the castle." Axew said shamefully, "I guess you have a point." Tails said, "Wait a minute. I'm concerned about something." Bianca asked, "About what?" Tails answered, "About where Johnny was the whole challenge." Johnny said, "I already told you. I was out on a long swim." Tails noticed something on Johnny's face. It was a mark made by Cheren's staff. "Were you hit by a staff that sent you miles away from the island?" Tails asked. Johnny nervously asked, "H-How did you know that?!" Tails answered his own question by saying, "I think I know what happened. He was hit by one of the opposing teams' wizards and was sent sky high. And he ended up landing in the ocean several miles away from here." In his mind, Johnny screamed, _"Oh s**t! He knows everything!" _Tails said, "Well I've made my decision. Axew?" He nodded his head in agreement. Then, the two went elsewhere. And everyone else but Johnny soon followed. But then, Johnny ran to get Amy and Bianca's attention. "Excuse me, lovely young ladies. You want to join me in something?" he asked the two girls. Amy asked, "Like what?" He whispered into their ears, "Like, an alliance." Amy and Bianca were shocked to hear Johnny telling this to just the two of them.

!

**Bianca: At the time, I didn't know what that man was up to, but I decided to pay attention.**

!

"You want us to be in an alliance with you? But why just us?" Bianca asked. Johnny answered, "Because those boys seemed untrustworthy to me. So, what do you say?" Amy and Bianca thought about it for a minute and then said, "Yes. We would love to." They shook hands with Johnny.

!

**Amy: I don't like him at all. He says that Axew, Tails, and Chowder aren't trustworthy whatsoever. Tails may be an a**hole, but he is trustworthy. And the other two look like they wouldn't hurt a fly.**

!

It was finally the time to decide on who was going to be the 2nd contestant eliminated from Retard Island. "Welcome losers." Bill said. All of them gave him an evil eye. "Fine. I'll just cut to the chase. The first marshmallow goes to Amy." He threw the marshmallow to Amy, who caught it with her hammer. "Bianca." Bill said. She caught the marshmallow with her dumb hat. "I still take offense to that." she said to me. "Chowder." Bill announced. He caught the fluffy treat with his mouth. "Yummy." Chowder said happily. "Axew." Bill said. The little guy caught the marshmallow while he sighed in relief. "And so, we are down to two. Tails and Johnny. Who will leave? Who will stay? And so, the last marshmallow goes to…" Bill said. Tails just sat there with a grin on his face while Johnny was too. "… Tails." He took the marshmallow and said, "I knew I'd stay." Johnny said to his 'alliance members', "But we had a deal." Amy lied, "What deal?" Johnny said, "You know. That we were in an alliance." Axew, Tails, and Chowder were shocked to hear the news. "Is this true?" Chowder asked. Both girls lied, "We don't know what he's talking about. The only deal we made was to keep our mouths shut about what he said about the three of you." The three dudes were shocked again. In his mind, Johnny said, _"Damn those girls." _Bill broke up the drama by showing them the tape on who voted for who. But before it began, Tails said, "All of us voted for Johnny, so there's no point in showing the tape." Bill said in a frustrated fashion, "Good job. You just earned the award for 'Best Spoiler.' What do you have to say?" Tails didn't say anything. "That's what I thought." Bill said as he took Johnny to his boat ride home. After Johnny boarded the boat, Bill said happily, "Finally! He's gone! Everyone else, you can head back to your cabin! You're safe for another week." The remainder of the Red team headed back to their cabin. "And that ends another exciting episode of Retard Island. What will happen next week? Tune in next week to find out." Bill said as the screen faded to black.


	6. Chapter 6: Musicals Suck

Chapter 6: Musicals Suck Worse Than Kristen Stewart's Acting

It has been one week since Johnny left, and the Red team were kind of getting along a little better. Well, kind of. "Oh yeah! Well screw you too!" yelled an angry Tails as he slammed Chowder's bedroom door. Bianca heard this and asked, "What's your problem?" Tails answered, "I just figured out that Chowder had brought along a huge stash of food with him. And even worse, he's not sharing any of it." Bianca said, "You know. He doesn't have to share any of it if he doesn't want to. After all, he was smart enough to bring something he needed." Tails said sarcastically, "Gee, thanks for the advice." He mumbles something vulgar under his breath as he leaves to go to the bathroom.

!

**Tails: Hasn't anyone taught that fat kid about sharing? Apparently not.**

!

**Bianca: One of these days, that attitude of Tails' is going to get him eliminated.**

!

When Tails left the cabin, Bianca secretly knocked on Chowder's door. Unexpectedly, he came running out with a frying pan. "DON'T HIT ME!" Bianca screamed. Chowder asked, "Why should I trust you?" Bianca answered, "Because it's me, Bianca." The little guy threw his pan to the ground and said, "Okay then. Sorry I almost knocked you out." Bianca said, "Oh, it's fine. I've dealt with worse things." Then, she noticed an unopened Butterfinger on top of Chowder's stash. "May I please have that Butterfinger?" she asked. Chowder answered, "Sure thing." And so the two of them split the bar into two pieces and ate it.

Meanwhile, Bill and Pidove were setting up the stage (that was located in the middle of the forest) for that week's challenge. "Damn it. I can't think of the last line for the last song." said an aggravated Pidove. Bill took the main script from Pidove and said, "How about 'This is the end of the musical.'" Pidove liked the idea and wrote it down. "Alrighty then. Let's gather up my 22 favorite people as of right now." Bill said happily. He grabbed his megaphone and told everyone to come to the stage. A few minutes later, everyone had arrived. Bubbles took one look and said, "Ooh! Are we watching a musical?" Bill replied, "Even better. You are going to be IN a musical." The minute Tails heard that, he started to walk away. "Where do you think your going?" Bill asked. Tails answered, "I'm not doing this challenge. Musicals are for little girls, people with no lives, and homosexuals."

!

**Tails: Right, Blaze?!**

!

"I knew you were going to say that. So, I'll tell you this." Bill said. Tails asked, "Tell me what?" Bill replied, "If you don't compete in today's challenge, you and your team will automatically lose the challenge and face elimination. And then your teammates will hate you enough to get rid of your sorry ass." Tails' teammates gave him a bad look. He thought about it and said, "Fine, I'll do the dumb challenge." His teammates cheered in happiness. "But remind me to kill myself afterwards." he demanded.

Then, it was time to announce who would play which character. "You guys ready to see what you ended up with?" Bill asked. Most of them raised their shoulders. "Good. Now before we get to that, let's get to the plot."

"The story is about a 7-year old boy named Randy Leisurely. He falls in love with a new girl in his school named Sherry McIsoPretty (who's 6, by the way). However, this bully named Brandon Jerkface (who's 8) keeps getting in Randy's way when all he wants to do is go on a play date with Sherry. Many things happen before he finally marries her and has sex at the age of 8."

"Understand." Bill finished. Most of the contestants were shocked due to the sex at 8-years old part. "Good. Now here are the parts. Playing Randy is… Sonic." Sonic cheered sarcastically. "The part for Sherry is…" Bill continued. In his mind, Sonic said, _"Don't say Amy. Don't say Amy. Don't say Amy." _Unfortunately for Sonic, Bill said, "… Amy." Sonic screamed in pure frustration. On the other hand, Amy squealed as high as her lungs can take her. Bill went on with, "The role of Brandon is… Mario." He raised his shoulders. "Everyone else is either a minor character or a background dancer." Bill finished. The background dancers sighed in relief (mostly because they only had to memorize song lyrics and dance routines). Afterwards, when everyone got suited up, it was time for the cameras to roll.

Right from the get go, things weren't going as hot as Bill expected. The minute Sonic laid his eyes on the first song, he was like, "We are just starting this stupid musical and you already want me to sing? What kind of BS is that?!" Bill said, "Look hedgehog. Answer me this. Why do people watch musicals?" Sonic answered, "To torture themselves?" Bill said, "No. They see them because they have songs in them. I went on Google and saw that many musicals don't start with a song. To some, that ruins the entire thing. So I decided to do a song right off the bat. Now do you understand?" Sonic replied, "Sort of." Bill said, "Good. Now, a one, and a two, and a one two three GO!" The first song's (which is called "I Mother F**king Hate School, by the way) beat started playing. And after a few seconds, Sonic started singing. But, it turned out that the blue hedgehog wasn't the world's best singer. He sang horribly, "Oh, it's a lovely morning. A lovely morning to go back to sleep. Because I mother f**king hate school. Why? Because all the girls look like Sarah Jessica Parker." Suddenly, Sonic stops singing and says, "Man, I can't do this. My voice sounds like Ke$ha's voice when she's sober." Bill said, "Don't worry. I can fix that with auto tune. Now get back to work." Sonic sighed heavily. Despite the fact that he didn't want to sing, he did it anyway.

Then, problems rose once again when Oshawott realized who his character was. "Pardon me Bill. Why am I playing a homo?" the little otter asked. Bill replied with, "Because I felt like it. Now cut it with the interruptions and get back to work." But even after Oshawott went back to the musical, more problems showed their ugly faces. Most of the background dancers couldn't get the choreography right, the singers complained that the lyrics didn't rhyme (can you guess who?), and Knuckles ended up spraining his ankle while trying to perfect the dance routine. "Jesus, this hurts like a mother f**ker! Ow." he yelled in pain. Ash said, "Well that's just great. Good going Knuckles. You just had to sprain your ankle." Knuckles yelled, "Hey! This isn't my *** damn fault!" Ash said sarcastically, "Uh huh." Knuckles just looked at Ash with a dirty look before Pidove took him to the infirmary.

!

**Peach: Ash just gave me another reason to hate him. How many does that make? Three? Yeah, it is three. I really hope we get rid of his good-for-nothing ass soon.**

!

Afterwards, they continued with shooting the musical. But, Peach didn't even bother with the production. She walked towards Bill and said, "We are done." Bill asked, "With what?" Peach answered, "This entire challenge. Knuckles sprained his ankle, and Ash is being a selfish a**hole. Please Bill." Bill thought about it for a couple of seconds. Then, he replied, "You got it. Green team!" All of the uninjured Green team members walked to where Bill was. "You guys are disqualified from the challenge and will be facing elimination tonight." The Green team were shocked to hear the news. After that, they went back to their cabins.

When they got to their cabin, Blossom asked, "What's up with you? You better have a good reason for all of this." Peach answered, "I do. But first. Ash." He said, "Yeah." Peach said, "Can you do me a favor and get me some banana pudding?" Ash replied, "Anything for you, princess." He walked out of the cabin to go get some pudding. At least, that's what he wanted his team to think. Ash walked towards the kitchen. And when he wasn't in his teammates' sight, he secretly walked past the kitchen and into the woods until he found his cabin. Very carefully, he laid his right ear right next to the side of the cabin. Inside, Peach told her teammates, "I have had it with Ash. He's extremely annoying, he's sexist, and he doesn't give a damn about anyone. I think it's time to vote him off." Blossom said, "You do have a point. Okay. We'll do it." Ash said to himself quietly, "Oh my God."

!

**Ash: That bitch! She's just as bad as Bianca. I knew it was too good to be true. {sighs heavily}. No matter. If I can't have her, no one can!**

!

Quietly, Ash crawled back to the door. When there, he opened the door and told Peach, "Sorry Peach. They didn't have any banana pudding." Peach lied, "Oh. That's a shame." A few minutes later, Ash was in his room coming up with a plan to eliminate Peach. It took him a while to come up with a good plan. He decided to write fake love letters, give one to Mario and Peach, meet Peach at the dock, pretend that Mario did terrible things to him, and finally kiss Peach in front of Mario and make it look like Peach was cheating on Mario. "This plan is destined to work." Ash said to himself happily. "After all, it worked on Total Drama. But, I can't do this alone."

Back at the challenge, the production for the musical came to a close. "Good job. That's a wrap." Bill said with much charisma. "Ready to know who won?" The three remaining teams were ready to hear the news. Bill said, "Good. The winning team is… the Red team!" The Red team cheered. "And your prize is a trip to Broadway." Everyone except Tails cheered some more. Tails said unhappily, "All of that trouble for a lousy trip to Broadway?! What a waste." He walked back to his team's cabin. Chowder said, "Grouch."

At the Yellow team's cabin, Ash was impatiently waiting for Tepig. "Where in God's name is he? He should've been here by now." he said impatiently. Several moments later, the Yellow team showed up. Then, Ash secretly snatched Tepig and told him to relax. "Oh. Hi Ash." Tepig said with relief. Ash asked, "Hey, uh, Tepig. Can you help me with something?" Tepig replied, "Absolutely. What do I have to do?"

A few minutes later, after Ash gave the "love letters" to Mario and Peach, Tepig was seen at the top of some tree near the dock. "What do I have to do again?" Tepig asked for the 5th time in a row. Ash sighed and answered, "Look, it's really easy. All you have to do is keep a lookout for Mario. And when he's near the dock, you give me the signal. Got it?" Tepig replied with, "I guess I do." Finally, Ash pinched himself hard enough to produce tears. Then, he started "crying." When Peach arrived, she asked, "What's wrong with you?" Ash answered, "Oh, it's nothing. I'm crying because of what… No. I really shouldn't." Peach asked, "What? What are you trying to tell me?" Ash said, "You don't deserve to know the truth." Peach asked again, "Damn it, Ash! Please tell me." He hesitated for a few moments before he finally answered with, "It's Mario. I went over to the Yellow team's cabin to say hello to my little buddy. You know, Tepig. But then, Mario showed up and then forced me to leave the cabin. I tried to tell him that I just wanted to see Tepig, but he still wouldn't let me. And then, that's when I discovered that he was cheating on you with Bubbles." Peach didn't believe a word Ash was saying, but she let him go on regardless. "Then, I went over here to think about how I should tell you. But, it was difficult and I got upset. And that's about it." Again, Peach was ignoring everything Ash told her. She knew that the sexist retard was lying to her. But then, Tepig made a bird noise, signaling Ash that Mario was nearby. Unexpectedly (well, to Peach at least), Ash grabbed Peach by her shoulders and kissed her. Ash immediately got a boner from kissing Peach, but to him, it was worth it. Unfortunately, Mario saw Ash smooching on his lady. However, Mario reacted differently than Ash thought. "YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, KETCHUM! A DEAD MAN!" Mario screamed so loud that the whole island can hear him. Ash pretended to be innocent and said, "M-Mario! I-It's not w-what it looks like." Mario yelled, "Can it, Ketchum! You made a promise and you broke it! And now, you're dead!" He ran straight towards Ash with a fireball in his hand. But, before Mario could throw it, Ash begged, "Please, Mario. You have to listen to me. This is important." Being the nice guy he is, Mario put the fireball out and said, "Go on." Ash lied, "I was just walking on the beach, minding my own business when Peach showed up. She was trying to seduce me, but I told her that you would murder me if you found out. Sadly, she didn't listen to me. She said that she didn't love you anymore and that she wanted someone who was younger and more handsome. I still told her no, but she still ignored me. Then, she grabbed me by my shoulders and started making love to me. Finally, you showed up and she made me put my hands on her shoulders to make it look like that I did it. And that's what happened. Honest!" This lie certainly got his teammates' attention (especially Peach). "Mario! You don't believe any of this, do you?" Peach asked desperately. Mario looked at her with complete distaste. "And to think, I thought that you were different. Boy, was I wrong." he said with much anger. Peach said, "Mario!" Mario yelled, "We are through!" He walked towards Ash and apologizes to him. "Don't be. Peach is the one who needs to be sorry." Ash said to Mario. Peach gave Ash the evil eye. If looks could kill, Ash would be dead faster than an aborted embryo.

Later on that night, at the elimination ceremony, the Green team were waiting for Bill to finish with counting up the votes. "Oh man! Today was a bad day for you guys (some worse than others), and a good day for me." Bill said. All of the Green team looked at him unhappily. Bill continued with, "Anyways, it's time to pass out the marshmallows. The first one goes to… Oshawott." He caught the marshmallow with his tail. "Blossom." She flew over to Bill and ate her marshmallow. "Mandy." She walked to Bill and grabbed her marshmallow before putting it in her pocket (she planned to save it for later). "Knuckles." Unfortunately, Bill threw the marshmallow low enough to hit Knuckles in his broken ankle. "Ow!" he screamed. Bill said, "And so, we are left with two people. Ash and Peach. Who will leave? I have the answers right in this box. The final marshmallow belongs to…" Ash was happily laying back while Peach was chewing her fingernails. "… Ash." He went up to Bill and said, "Thank you." Peach was upset at what just happened. "Well Peach. It's sad. I agree with Mario. I thought you were better than that." Bill said with disappointment. Ash said, "That's what we all thought. So sad. So very, very sad." Peach yelled, "Oh, shut your f**king mouth, you backstabbing son of a bitch! You were the one that caused all of this and you know it!" Ash said, "Oh, poor Peach. You just don't understand anything about the real world. But, that's expected from blonde-haired girls. I'll miss you, babe." He blew her a kiss, but she whacked it away like it was a bug. Peach walked to the dock to get on her boat ride home. "Alrighty then. The rest of you are safe (for now). You can go back to your cabin." Bill said. The Green team headed back to their cabin. Along the way, Ash went to the bathroom. Unexpectedly, he bumped into Bianca. "Watch it, you dumb bitch." said an angry Ash. Bianca said, "I know everything." Ash said, "Know what?" Bianca said, "The selfishness, the quitting, and the plan to get rid of Peach. I know it all. But, no matter. That's fine with me." Ash asked, "What're you saying?" Bianca answered, "I'm saying that you just sealed your own fate. One of these days, your ass is going to be sent home. And I will be laughing until I can't breathe. Bye Ash. It's been nice competing with you." She headed back to her cabin as Ash looked at her and said, "Not if I do anything about it." Back at the dock, Bill said, "Well that wraps up another episode. Three down, twenty more to go. Who's butt is going to be sent home next week? Is Ash's game over just like Bianca said? Or is Bianca's game over? Tune in next time for the next episode of… Retard… Island!"


	7. Chapter 7: No-Laughing Contests Are Hard

Chapter 7: Make Sure You Don't Laugh, Or You Will Be Launched 1,000 Feet In The Air

Even though Mario broke up with Peach, he was still upset. It has been a week since the Green team voted off Peach, but the problems were still left unsolved. Not only did Mario moan for a straight week, some of the Green team were not happy about getting rid of Peach. At the Yellow team's cabin, it was Sonic's turn to comfort Mario. "Man, do I have to?" the blue hedgehog asked unhappily. Cheren answered, "Yes. We have to try to make Mario feel better." Sonic sighed heavily before entering Mario's room. "Hey plumber." said a still unhappy Sonic. Mario asked, "Oh, so now you want to make me feel better?" Sonic said, "Trust me. I don't want to do it either, but I'm not really given a choice. How are you doing?" Mario answered, "As bad as ever. Nothing unusual."

On the other hand, the Green team suffered from the loss of Peach. Ash lost the girl he had a crush on (despite being the one responsible for her elimination), Blossom lost a friend (which has been happening off-screen), and everyone else lost a valuable teammate.

!

**Ash: I know what everyone's thinking. "Do I regret that thing I did to Peach last week?" they ask. A little bit. But, I only did it to keep myself in the game.**

!

"I know she was a whore, but for some reason, I didn't want to vote her off. It's weird. Don't you think?" Ash said to Blossom. Blossom said, "Yeah. It is weird." Then, the bell that told the contestants it was time for lunch rang.

However, once everyone got to the dining room, something seemed different about the place. Instead of tables and chairs, they just found chairs. "Hey, what gives? Where did all of the tables go?" asked a concerned Chowder. Bill showed up out of thin air and answered, "That's a very interesting question Chowder. Where are the tables? Well, they're in the kitchen, but that isn't relevant to this challenge." Tails asked, "Which is?" Bill replied, "Nothing complex. Just a simple no-laughing contest. But, to those of you who don't know what I am saying, I'll tell you."

"In this challenge, you will learn about several secrets that'll definitely bring a smile to your face. You also get bonus points for revealing the secret's owner. The goal is to avoid laughing. If you laugh, your sorry butt will be launched 1,000 feet in the air. The remaining team wins the challenge. Any questions?" said an eager Bill. Ash rose his hand, but Bill ignored it and said, "Good. Now let's get started. Also, the Blue team has to let one player sit out for this challenge. Blue team, it's time to decide." They talked about it for a couple seconds before deciding to sit out Ben. "Okay then. Let's get going."

Bill started this challenge with telling the competitors about someone who shoves cherry-flavored popsicles up their butt. This made Tails, Iris, Tepig, Sonic, Knuckles, and Ash laugh into tears (which also caused them all to be launched). "Wow. I only told the first secret and more than a ¼ of them are already out. This'll be interesting." said an interested Bill. Later, it was revealed (by Snivy) that Oshawott does that, which grossed out all of the remaining ladies. "That's just gross!" Blossom said with disgust. Oshawott said, "Go f**k yourself! It's soothing to my buttocks."

The challenge continued with Bill mentioning a secret where one contestant eats toe jam with tweezers. However, that just made everyone (except Ash and Tepig) throw up. So, Bill went on by telling something else (which is someone who in a relationship with a spoon). Sadly, this little secret eliminated Chowder, Buttercup, Silver, Bubbles, Oshawott, and Blossom. Then, it was revealed that Ash was in love with a spoon. "You are pathetic." Bianca said. Ash flipped her the bird. Then, Bill said, "Okay, let's see the results so far. In the Red team, we have Axew, Amy, and Bianca. In the Blue team, we have Luigi and Snivy. In the Yellow team, we have Cheren and Mario. And lastly, in the Green team, we just have Mandy. I wouldn't laugh if I were you, Mandy."

This test of laughter patrolled on with the next secret being someone who is afraid of… how do I say this… Xbox 360's. Right off the bat, Axew, Amy, Luigi, and Cheren (who tried really hard to keep it in, but couldn't do it in the end) were sent flying sky high. Afterwards, Bill announced that this secret belonged to Sonic. "What? Those things are money stealers, I swear!" said the blue hedgehog.

And finally, the last secret told was someone who does all of the previously mentioned secrets, but that they also have herpes. Shockingly, Mandy was laughing her ass off, which caused her to be launched in the air. Then, it was Snivy who succumbed to laughter. Lastly, after much effort, Bianca soon followed Mandy and Snivy's fate. "It's over! The Yellow team won today's challenge!" Bill yelled in excitement. The entire Yellow team (except Mario, who was still upset over divorcing Peach) cheered happily. "And your reward… an all-access trip to my comedy club in Sacramento!" The Yellow team cheered on with even more happiness. Bill said, "Green team, what is wrong with you guys? Two elimination ceremonies in a row. That's never a good thing. I will see you guys at tonight's elimination. Everyone else, you are safe (for this week)." The four teams went to their cabins.

At the Green team's cabin, they were talking about the upcoming ceremony. "Okay guys, who do you think we should get rid of tonight?" said a concerned Knuckles. Ash said, "Isn't it obvious? It's Mandy who deserves it. She made us lose the challenge in the first place." Blossom said, "That may be true, but she IS a useful player in challenges. So, getting rid of her isn't a good idea." Ash said, "Says you. Regardless of what any of you say, I'm voting for Mandy whether you like it or not." He immediately went out of the cabin to use the facilities. "Ugh. I'm so sick of his f**king ass." said a pissed off Blossom. Oshawott said, "Get used to it. It only gets worse."

Meanwhile, at the facilities, Ash was talking to Tepig about something important. "Ash, that's extremely dangerous! Well, to our games at least, but it's still unsafe. What if someone saw us?" said a nervous Tepig. Ash replied, "Don't worry about anything. I'm 100% positive that this plan is bulletproof." He sees Ben within eyesight and tells Tepig to hide. "Phew. That was close." said a relieved Tepig. "Can we just get on with your plan?" Ash answered, "Sure thing. Come on, follow me." The two best friends sneaked past the facilities to avoid being caught. Unfortunately, Blossom saw everything they did.

When Ash returned to his cabin, Blossom asked, "You sure have been gone for a long time. Where were you?" Ash lied, "Nowhere. I just used the facilities. That's it." Blossom asked, "Then why were you gone for 2 hours? And why do you have that trash bag?" Ash lied, "I had diarrhea and I was pretending to be Santa Claus. You know, for when Christmas comes around because on Christmas, I get a job as a mall Santa." Blossom said, "Nice try Ash, but I know what's going on here." Ash asked nervously, "What do you mean?" Blossom answered, "You were trying to frame someone because you know that if you don't do something, it's you that's leaving. It's not going to go that way this week. Your game is through!" Suddenly, the other Green team members walked out of their bedrooms. "What the hell is going on in here?" Knuckles asked once he got out of his bedroom. Within a split second, Ash shoved the bag (which is full of each and every one of the Green team's personal belongings) towards Blossom. "I just came back from using the restroom when this girl was stealing all of our stuff." said a dishonest Ash. Knuckles said, "How do you know?" Ash said, "Go check your rooms for your personal belongings." That's just what they did. It turns out that their personal belongings have been stolen. "What's in the bag, missy?" asked an angry Knuckles. Blossom opened the bag to find everyone's personal belongings. Blossom thought to herself, "_Oh s**t!_" Then, Knuckles got even more pissed off. "YOU! YOU ARE OUT!" he screamed in rage. Everyone else took what was rightfully theirs and headed to the elimination ceremony. Blossom gave Ash a death stare and said, "You son of a bitch! You're not going to get away with this!" Ash evilly said, "Oh, I just did. And it's been nice knowing you."

Once everyone had voted, they took their seats. Bill kicked off the ceremony with, "Welcome back, Green team. How does it feel to be losers again?" None of them said a word. "Okay then. Let's cut to the chase. The first marshmallow goes to (once again) Oshawott. And to save time (or in the reader's case, text), I'll just give the next two marshmallows go to Knuckles and Mandy." Ash wasn't expecting to be on the chopping block again. In his mind, he started to get bad thoughts. "And so, we are left with two contestants once again. This time on the chopping block, we have Ash and Blossom. Who'll leave? Who'll stay? Well, this little marshmallow determines it. And it goes to…" said an eager Bill. In his mind, Ash was yelling, "_Don't be Blossom, don't be Blossom, don't be Blossom, don't be Blossom, don't be Blossom!_" In her mind, Blossom was yelling, "_Don't be Ash, don't be Ash, don't be Ash, don't be Ash, don't be Ash!_" Bill announced, "… Ash." Ash cheered while Blossom screamed, "DAMN IT!" Ash happily walked to Bill to obtain his second marshmallow of the season. When he took it from Bill's hand, Ash said to Blossom in a mocking fashion, "In your face, you thieving son of a bitch! That'll teach you to take our stuff for no reason." Blossom gave him the "I-know-what-you-did-you-lying-son-of-a-bitch stare." Then, she walked towards the dock to take the boat ride home. "Well, that ends another thrilling elimination ceremony. You guys can head back to your cabin. You are safe (for this week)." Bill said to what was left of the Green team as they headed back to their cabin.

Earlier that day, Ash told Tepig, "Okay Tepig. The plan is complete." Tepig said, "Thank God. Well, I will see you later." The little pig headed back to the Yellow team's cabin. Along the way, Sonic was waiting for him. "Where were you?" he asked Tepig. Tepig immediately got nervous. "Uh… Uh…" Sonic said, "Well." Tepig continued stuttering with, "Uh… the bathroom." Sonic asked, "And why were you with a Green?" Tepig asked, "What are you talking about?" Sonic said, "I knew it. I knew you were trouble the minute you entered this game show. And by the way, what does he have planned next?" Tepig lied, "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't hang out with any of the Green team. At all!" Sonic grabbed the lying pig and shoved him to the cabin wall. "I know what's going on here! Lie to me again, and your ass is going to be bacon in 5 seconds!" threatened the blue hedgehog. Tepig finally confessed by saying, "OKAY! I'LL TALK! Last week, it wasn't Bubbles that ate your sandwich, it was me!" Sonic let go of the poor pig. "I freaking knew it was you! You owe me a sandwich!" he said as he went back into the cabin. Tepig sat there for several more seconds before walking into the cabin with Sonic.

Then, the screen transited back to the aftermath of the elimination ceremony. "This episode sure was hilarious. And dramatic. Who will be eliminated next week? Find out next time on… Retard… Island!" said a happy Bill as the screen faded to black.


	8. Chapter 8: The Obstacle Course From Hell

Chapter 8: The Obstacle Course From Hell

If you thought the previous chapter had issues, you don't have a clue about what's in store for this chapter. With the Green team, everyone started to suspect each other. Due to the last two weeks, they've completely lost trust in one another. Meanwhile, with the Yellow team, Mario was still upset (though not as upset as the last chapter) about what happened two weeks ago, and Sonic was starting to not trust Tepig at all. Yep, things are not going well with these teams.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the forest, Bill and Pidove were putting the last touches in today's difficult challenge. "Oh, I can't wait for today. This is going to rock!" Bill said with much glee. "You said it." agreed an equally happy Pidove. Bill reached into his pocket to grab his megaphone. Then, he pushed the button (but not before putting on earplugs). Finally, he yelled, "Contestants! It's time for the next challenge! Meet me at this part of the forest!"

When everyone got there, Bill began explaining today's challenge. "Welcome to today's challenge! This time, it's an obstacle course." The moment Chowder heard those last two words, he started running for the hills screaming, "NOOOOOOOOO!" Tails sighed, "*** damn it." Then, he headed to where the fat kid was running to. Bill thought, "_Okay._" Then, he went on to say, "Well it looks like those two aren't competing. It's a shame. But, no matter. Let me explain the rules."

"In this challenge, you have to run through the most difficult obstacle course in the world (according to my knowledge). The goal is to get across this 10-part course in the fastest time possible. Also, all of your times will be combined into one. Red team, since Tails and Chowder aren't competing, you guys get 5 minutes added to your total time. The team with the lowest time wins today's challenge. If it's the other way around, you will be sent to the elimination ceremony. And one more thing, the Blue team has to sit one player out."

While the Blue team decided to sit out Ben, Bill said, "Any questions?" No one had their hand up. "Good. Now let's get this started with the Red team. Who's going first?" The Red team talked it over. Several seconds later, Bianca walked up to the starting position and said, "I'll go first."

!

**Ash: She won't get past the 1****st**** part. I guarantee it.**

!

"Alrighty then. You start in 3, 2, 1, 0.5. Go!" Bill said before Bianca started running through the course. The first part of the course was pretty simple. All she had to do was swing on a rope over a pile of mud. Three times. Lucky for Bianca, all of those rope swinging classes got her through the first part in only 10 seconds. "Piece of cake." she said with a lot of cockiness.

!

**Ash: Okay. Where the hell did that come from?!**

!

**Bianca: Wow! Those classes paid off really well. And Ash said that was a bad class to take. Shows him right.**

!

The second part was seen as a little bit harder. She had to climb up a wall full of needles sticking out of the wall. Although she pricked her hands a few times, she managed to get to the top in only 25 seconds. "Oh heck yeah!" she cheered as she jumped off of the other side. The third part was harder than the last. Bianca had to slide under turned-on flamethrowers while jumping over pits of acid.

!

**Bianca: Seriously, Bill? I swear, this man is trying to kill us.**

!

**Bill: What? No way. I couldn't do that. Why? Because I would be put in jail for that.**

!

Quickly, Bianca tried to get out of this part. She easily slid under the flames and jumped over the acid pits. She burned her hat a little, but she made it out in 15 seconds. "Phew!" she said. But, she would be saying that a lot more in the next 7 parts. This next part of the course had a balancing board right above a river full of piranhas (who spit poison). "Oh come on!" Bianca said with frustration. She took her first step on the board. Carefully, she walked over the river below her. In 45 seconds, she made it to the other side. Then, she went on to the fifth part. This part had a small pond full of dangerous sea animals. "You expect me to swim in that!" Bianca yelled at Bill. The host grabbed his megaphone and said, "Yes." Bianca sighed heavily as she began to swim. Once she got to the other side of the pond, she came out with a torn up shirt and skirt. She ignored it and headed to part six.

Part six was the most deadly by far. On this part, Bianca had to get past ninjas, knights, venomous snakes, and archers without being detected. Right off the bat, Bianca headed to the first tree she saw. Then, when the time was right, she headed for the nearest tree. She did this multiple times until she made it to the exit (and without a scratch). The seventh part just got deadlier. Bianca had to take a jar of honey from a grizzly bear. "_Oh f**k me!_" she thought to herself. Very carefully, she sneaked towards the bear. Unfortunately, she tripped over a twig and made a noise. Double unfortunately, the bear woke up and saw her. Bianca thought, "_Oh s**t!_" Then, she saw the jar of honey. "Excuse me." Bianca said to the bear. "I'll give you… a…" She looked around for something to give to the bear. Unexpectedly, she found a fish. "Fish! Yeah, a fish." she said. Luckily, the bear actually took it. Bianca thought, "_Huh. That was easier than I thought._"

!

**Ash: Oh for the love of God! You have GOT to be kidding me!**

!

When part eight showed it's ugly face, it revealed a cave full of bats. "Well. Here goes nothing." Bianca said as she ran into the cave. Inside, you can hear her screaming. On the other side, she got out with a couple of scratches. But, she pretended that they weren't there and went to the beginning of the ninth part. At this part, there was a 20-floor building that had a bomb and a parachute. Bianca started going up the stairs. It took her 2 minutes, but she finally made it to the top. The bomb only had 1 minute left. She immediately put the parachute on her back, grabbed the bomb, and jumped off of the building. Then, she grabbed the shovel that was at the bottom and started digging. Once she dug low enough, she got out of the hole and threw the bomb down there and it exploded. "Hell yeah!" Bianca said happily.

Finally, she made it to the final part, where she had to save a falling dummy while avoiding crooks, snipers, and other deadly stuff. "Let's do this." Bianca said before getting started. She got past the crooks easily, but she had some issues with the snipers. Several times in a row, she almost got shot in the foot. In the end, she managed to pull through and save the dummy. "I did it!" Bianca cheered. Bill got his megaphone and said, "Good job. Your total time is 7 and a half minutes. Pretty good, for an average girl." Then, it was Amy's turn. While she wasn't as fast as Bianca on the first part, she still did fairly good with a time of 20 seconds. She scaled past the wall in 15 seconds, made it through the flamethrowers and acid pits in 30, the river of poisonous piranhas in 15, the pond in 25, the ninjas/archers/snakes/knights in 35, the bear at 10, the cave in 5, the building in 1 and a half minutes, and the crooks/snipers/other deadly stuff in 45, making her total time 4 minutes and 50 seconds. "Damn, you are quick." said an awestruck Bianca. Amy giggled, "Thanks."

Okay, to save time (and text), I'll just tell you what everyone got. Here's the results:

Axew: 5 minutes exactly.

Luigi: 9 minutes and 10 seconds (mostly due to the bear).

Snivy: 2 minutes and 45 seconds.

Iris: 4 minutes and 55 seconds.

Buttercup: 4 minutes exactly.

Silver: 7 minutes and 20 seconds (due to having crappy balance without his powers).

Bubbles: 12 minutes exactly (due to not wanting to get her hair messed up).

Tepig: 10 minutes and 55 seconds (due to the swimming part).

Cheren: 6 minutes exactly (due to the wall of needles).

Mario: 9 and a half minutes (due to still being upset over Peach).

Sonic: 1 minute and 20 seconds.

Knuckles: Same as Bianca.

Oshawott: 5 and a half minutes.

Ash: 8 minutes and 25 seconds (due to the rope swing).

Mandy: Same as Mario (due to her not really caring).

After adding up the times into four separate times, Bill announced, "We have a winner. Today's winner, with a total of 22 minutes and 20 seconds, is… the Red team!" Axew, Amy, and Bianca cheered happily. At that moment, Tails had finally arrived after he caught Chowder. "What's with all the cheeriness?" Tails asked his teammates. His teammates told him that they won without him and Chowder. "Well that's nice to hear." Then, he pulled Chowder closer to him and whispered, "You got lucky, you little brat. If this happens again, and we lose, you are leaving. Do you hear me?" Chowder whispered in fear, "Y-Yes Tails." Tails whispered, "Good." Finally, he let go of the poor kid.

Bill continued telling the results of the challenge. "In 2nd place, with a time of 28 minutes and 10 seconds, is… the Blue team." Luigi sighed in relief (knowing that he wasn't leaving today). "And last of all, in 3rd place, with a time of 29 minutes and 55 seconds, is… the Green team." They cheered happily (knowing that don't have to go back to the elimination ceremony for the 3rd time in a row). "Yellow team, I'm sorry to say that you lost today's challenge. I will be seeing you later." Everyone except Sonic looked at Bubbles. "Why are you guys staring at me?" she asked.

At the elimination ceremony, everyone just got through with voting. "Welcome back, Yellow team. How's life been since Billy left?" Bill said while pretending to not know the events after Billy's elimination. But, Sonic didn't buy it. "You already know, Bill." he said. Bill gave Sonic a look. "Anyways." Bill said to the losing team. "You all made a decision. And I have the results. The first marshmallow of the night goes to Sonic." Sonic walked to Bill to receive his marshmallow. "Mario." Although Mario was upset, he had enough strength to walk to Bill, take his marshmallow, and sit back down. "Cheren." Right by Cheren was a stick. He grabbed it, pushed the marshmallow into his stick, cooked it, and made s'mores with it. Now, only Tepig and Bubbles were without marshmallows. "And so, it comes down to this. It's Tepig vs. Bubbles. Who'll leave? Who'll stay? I will tell you all right now. The last marshmallow goes to…" Tepig was really nervous (seeing that this was his second time on the chopping block), but Bubbles was just brushing her hair. "… Tepig." Once again, Tepig was relieved that it wasn't him that left. He happily went to obtain his rightfully-claimed marshmallow. Bill said, "Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming. You DID do a s**tty job at today's challenge. Bye Bubbles. It's been nice knowing you." She started to get tears in her eyes. Then, she flew off to the boat and finally left the island. Then, Bill said, "That's all tonight is going to bring us. The rest can go back to your cabin now. You guys are safe (for now)." The remaining four members of the Yellow team left for their cabin. "And that concludes another episode. Now we have 5 people in the town of Loserville. Who will move into Loserville next week? Find out on another episode of… Retard… Island!"


	9. Chapter 9: So You Think You Can Dance?

Chapter 9: So You Think You Can Dance? In Duos?! Ha! I Doubt It!

Minutes after Bubbles' elimination, Sonic wanted a word with Tepig alone. Once the fiery pig reached Sonic's bedroom, Sonic began asking questions. "You're hiding something from all of us. And I want to know what it is. What are you hiding?!" the blue hedgehog asked with a ton of force. Tepig stuttered. "Well. Are you going to answer me?" Sonic asked once again. Tepig kept on stuttering. Then, he sucked up his fear and answered, "I admit it. When you said that I'm working with Ash, you are right. I helped him with getting rid of Peach and Blossom. But please don't tell the others! I beg of you!" Sonic asked, "Oh. And why should I keep it a secret?" Tepig replied, "Because if you do, I will do whatever you want me to do." Sonic asked, "Anything?" Tepig replied, "Anything." Sonic thought about what Tepig said for some time.

!

**Sonic: At first, agreeing to keep this alliance thing of his a secret seemed like a bad idea for my game. But then the pig said that he would do anything for me. So, I decided that I would go with it.**

!

"Okay. You got a deal." the blue hedgehog said as he shook Tepig's hand in agreement. "But don't do anything fishy. Gotcha!" Tepig said, "You got it."

One week later, Tepig was giving Sonic a chili dog. "Thank you." Sonic said happily. At this point, Tepig was getting used to his new life. He said, "You're welcome."

!

**Tepig: Being someone's slave is kind of a pain in the ass. But, if it helps with keeping me away from Loserville, then it's not as bad as I thought it would be.**

!

In Ash's bedroom, Ash saw Tepig and Sonic from his window. "What gives? Why is Tepig doing stuff for Sonic?" he asked Oshawott. Oshawott answered, "Maybe he lost a bet." Ash said, "Yeah. Maybe." Then, the speaker turned on and a voice (Bill's) announced that it was time for the next challenge.

The contestants arrived at the stage. "Ugh. Do we have to do another musical?" Tails asked in frustration. Bill replied, "No Tails. We don't. Instead, we are doing a dance competition." Tails said, "That's even worse than musicals! Like I said with musicals, dancing is for little girls, people with no lives, and gay people. Only difference is that it's also for fat f**ks like Chowder."

!

**Tails: Blaze. You know what I'm talking about.**

!

Bill explained, "Now let's move on to the rules. You guys will be dancing in teams of two. Red and Blue teams, since both of you have at least one extra person in your team, you're going to have to sit someone out. Your goal is to be the best dancing duo in this competition. The duo that does the best wins the challenge for not only themselves, but for their team too. Understand?" No one rose their hand. "Good." Bill continued. "Now Red and Blue teams. Who are you going to sit out?"

The Red team chose Axew while the Blue team chose Buttercup and Ben. "Aw come on guys. I want to do a challenge for once." Ben said as he was selected. Snivy said, "Forget about it. You'll just-" Then, she interrupted herself and thought, "_Then again. If we lose, at least we can finally get rid of his useless ass._" You see, off-screen, Ben kind of annoys the living crap out of his teammates with his constant use of internet memes. Every single time he's hungry, he begs to be carried to the cafeteria. Also, if he sprains his ankle, he acts like someone shot him in that spot. And lastly, if he has to use the facilities, he constantly tells Silver, "Don't take my bedroom!" (even though he never does). After much thinking, Snivy said, "Okay. You can participate." Ben cheered happily. Iris went to Snivy and whispered, "What are you doing?" Snivy whispered back, "I have an idea." Then, she whispered more quietly while telling Iris her plan to get rid of Ben once and for all. "You evil son of a bitch. I like you." Iris said as she gave Snivy a high five. Then, the Blue team decided to make Silver sit this one out.

Once Bill told the duos he randomly selected, he announced that Tails and Chowder would be going first. In only a second, Tails told Chowder, "I don't care what you do. Just do it, okay." Chowder said, "Okay." The two reached the center of the stage. Once the song began, they started dancing. Unexpectedly, Chowder was doing all kinds of funky moves. He was spinning on his head, he was doing flips, and he was doing other cool things. Tails stopped "dancing" and saw what Chowder was doing.

!

**Tails: Where the HELL did that come from?!**

!

When their turn was done, Bill gave them a nine out of ten (since Tails' performance was not as great as Chowder's). Then, it was time for Luigi and Ben to hit the dance floor. Luigi was doing all sorts of weird moves while Ben was just flailing his arms like a retard. "Stop!" Bill yelled. The two stopped dancing. "You get a five out of ten. Ben, what was that?" Ben said, "Dancing." Bill said, "No. I saw you flailing your arms like there was no tomorrow." After that, Ben cursed, "Damn you Ubisoft!" Then, he went back to his cabin in tears.

!

**Luigi: What a baby.**

!

Next up was Tepig and Sonic. But then, a spotlight came on. "Where did that come from?" Bill asked. The spotlight pointed to Sonic and Tepig. They started dancing as soon as the music began. Pretty much, they were doing a more "masculine" version of the salsa (so it doesn't look gay). After they were done, Bill gave them an eight out of ten. "It's good." Bill explained. "But personally, it's not my thing." Sonic and Tepig didn't care, so they went to sit with the rest of the Yellow team. Once there, Knuckles and Mandy took the stage. However, they didn't do anything complex like Chowder or Sonic and Tepig. They just did the chicken dance. When it was done, Bill gave them a seven out of ten. "Great dance, but there really isn't any originality in the dance." Bill told to Knuckles and Mandy. But they just walked off the stage without a care in the world. Then, it was time for Amy and Bianca to dance. The two ladies did some ballet at first, but then it quickly turned into a stereotypical rap song. They turned their booties to the camera and started twerking (yes, twerking). Suddenly, the song started screwing up before the speaker blew up. "Jesus!" Bill yelled. Quickly, he looked up to see if it was safe. It was, so he yelled to Pidove, "Clean up this mess!" Pidove said, "On it."

While Pidove was fixing the stage, Bill told Amy and Bianca that they got a seven and a half out of ten. One hour later, Pidove finished with fixing the stage. "Okay. We had some technical difficulties, but we got through them in the end. So, who's next? Oh yeah. Snivy and Iris! You two are up next." Snivy and Iris headed to the new and improved stage. Iris turned on the beat box (since they didn't have anymore speakers) and started dancing like Chowder, but with even crazier moves. Snivy took out her guns and started "shooting" Iris. Shot after shot, Iris dodged all of them like they weren't anything dangerous. Then, it was over. Bill was awestruck at the sight of their dance. "Holy s**t! That was amazing. For that, you get a perfect ten out of ten." Snivy and Iris gave each other a high five for their victory. "Up next is Mario and Cheren." Bill said.

As Bill said that, Mario and Cheren were at the center of the stage. Within a second, Mario started flaming up his hands. With a lot of bravery, Cheren did a front flip over Mario's huge ball of fire. Things got serious when Cheren started doing flips while running backwards. Unfortunately, while Cheren was heading for the fire one last time, he tripped and fell into the fire. "AAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed as his skin was getting burned faster than a ginger outside on a summer day. "IT BURNS!" Thankfully, Bill had a fire extinguisher and started spraying down the poor nerd. Cheren panted, "Thank… you… Bill." Bill said, "No problem. And for that, you two get a seven out of ten." Cheren sighed in relief as he was being transported to the infirmary. "And without further ado, let's get to our final duo. Oshawott and Ash!"

Oshawott and Ash went through the stage curtains as they heard their names. Then, some classic music was turned on and they started tap dancing. The duo were doing all kinds of tricks. But, in the end, Bill only gave them an eight out of ten. Finally, after much waiting, it was time for the results. "The winner and loser is… the Blue team." Bill announced. The Blue team were both happy and upset. "That's right. Not only will you win a reward, but you will also have to get rid of a fellow teammate. See you later." Bill said to the Blue team.

The camera shows that Snivy, Iris, Buttercup, and Silver have already obtained their marshmallows. "You four have managed to avoid elimination. But there's still Luigi and Ben to take care of. And so, this last marshmallow goes to…" Bill said. Luigi was shaking like crazy while Ben was chewing his fingernails. "… Luigi." Luigi sighed in relief as he went to obtain his marshmallow. "Sorry Ben. Your time here is up. Go get your bags and head to your boat ride home." Bill told Ben in fake sadness. Ben walked all of the way to his boat with his head down in shame. "Uh, Ben. You forgot your-" Luigi reminded Ben. "I don't care." interrupted a pissed off Ben. He reached his boat and headed back home. "Okay. We are done. The rest of you can head back to your cabin. You're safe (for this week)." Bill told the remaining Blues as they went back to their cabin. "And with that, we are done. With Ben eliminated, we are down to 18 competitors. What's going to happen next? Tune in next week to find out." Bill said as the screen went to pitch black.


	10. Chapter 10: A Commercial For Something

Chapter 10: A Commercial For… Something

Three days after Ben was booted, Tepig was sneaking to the bathroom late at night. "_I hope that Ash has a plan to eliminate Sonic._" he thought to himself. He quietly entered the shower room and found Ash standing there. "Hey Tepig. You made it." Ash said to Tepig. Tepig replied, "I sure did. Anyways, do you have a plan?" Ash asked in a confused fashion, "Plan? What plan?" Tepig reminded himself with, "Oh yeah. You don't know. Well, the thing is, Sonic…" The poor pig was too scared to tell Ash. "What is it? What is Sonic doing?" Ash asked. Tepig was even more nervous at this point. "Uh. Uh, Sonic knows… about…" Tepig said nervously. "Yes." Ash said. Tepig stopped for a minute and held his breath before saying out loud, "He knows about you and me! He knows that we are the reason why Peach and Blossom got eliminated!" Ash yelled, "WHAT?! How did he know?!" Tepig cried, "I accidentally spilled the beans. Please Ash, you MUST have a plan for getting rid of Sonic! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DO!" The pig was shaking Ash like crazy. "Well. I was saving this for Bianca, but I guess I'll use it now." Ash told Tepig. Tepig said, "Oh thank God! You're a life saver! What is it?" Ash whispered his idea to Tepig. Afterwards, Tepig happily agreed and decided to do it when it was time for the next challenge.

Four days later, the last of the needed supplies for this challenge was delivered to Bill. "That's the last of the cameras. Now then, let's tell the others." Bill said as he reached for his megaphone. He turned it on and told the contestants that it was time for the next challenge.

Everyone arrived to the dining room. There were cameras, a green screen, and other things that movies need. "What's going on here?" Silver asked Bill. Bill answered, "Why, it's only the set of where this challenge is going to take place. By the way, today's challenge requires you to be a good actor or someone who's good with cameras and special effects. Or in simple terms, this is a commercial-making challenge." Some were excited while others were not too thrilled. "But, before I tell you guys your parts (which was randomly selected), the Red and Blue teams have to sit one member from this challenge." Bill explained. In a heartbeat, Tails and Buttercup were out of there. "Peace out." Tails said on the way out. His team gave him a look.

!

**Bianca: My God, that guy is LAZY. Even Chowder is better than that.**

!

"So, our actors are Axew/Chowder, Luigi/Iris, Tepig/Mario, and Knuckles/Ash. Meanwhile, our creators are Amy/Bianca, Snivy/Silver, Cheren/Sonic, and Oshawott/Mandy. Now, get to it." Bill explained.

Once the challenge began, the two ladies of the Red team already had a couple ideas in mind. "How about we do a commercial for a brand of perfume." Amy told Bianca. "No that's not good enough. Ooh, I know! How about we do cell phones." Bianca told Amy. "Wow! That's even better! Come on, let's get the script ready." Amy said happily. Bianca was writing down the script at a really fast pace. Axew and Chowder saw this and they both sighed in relief. "Thank God. I was expecting some arguments for a minute there." Chowder said to Axew. "Same here." Axew said to Chowder in total agreement.

Meanwhile, the Blue team were having some issues. Even though they got rid of Ben in the last chapter, they still have problems. Snivy and Silver did agree on an idea, but it was Iris who was causing all of this. "What the f**king hell?! You expect ME to say these lines?! Like in hell!" the black girl asked with nothing but rage. "Look, if you don't do this, your ass is going straight to Loserville!" threatened an aggravated Snivy. "And we don't want that, do we?" Iris answered, "I don't give two f**ks about the challenge! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is worth saying these lines in front of a recording camera! Not even my chances of winning the game!"

!

**Iris: And to think that me and Snivy were friends. Well I guess I was DEAD WRONG! *** f**king damn it! {slams her fist through the wall of the confessional}.**

**Bill: {yells from the outside}. HEY! That isn't cheap you know!**

!

While Iris refused to do her part in the challenge, the Yellow team had other issues. Cheren and Sonic couldn't even agree on an idea. "I know! We should- No, that wouldn't work. Ooh, how about- No, that doesn't work either. Maybe we could- No, that isn't original at all. Well, I'm out of ideas. Do you have any?" Cheren said. "Not one." Sonic replied in a disappointed fashion. "Darn it! How are we going to win without an idea?" Cheren yelled while pounding the desktop. Under the desktop was Tepig. He was waiting for the right time to launch Ash's latest plan. "_Come on. Hurry up already!_" he thought to himself.

!

**Tepig: So while I was under that desktop, I thought I was under there for hours. I got hungry, and I really needed to take a number 2. So, yeah, it was a bad experience for me.**

!

The camera went back to Cheren and Sonic. "Excuse me, Sonic. I have to go to the bathroom." Cheren told Sonic. "Man, so do I." Sonic told Cheren back. The two left to use the restroom. Now that Tepig was alone, he secretly put a stick of TNT into a box of supplies. Unfortunately, Tepig put the TNT into Cheren's box. Then, the pig was out of there. Half an hour later, both Cheren and Sonic had returned. While in the facilities, they thought of an idea. The two grabbed their boxes and headed for the others. "Hey guys. After much thinking, we finally have an idea." Sonic happily told his team members. Tepig said, "Uh guys. I have to use the confessional." Sonic replied, "Hurry up. We got to start filming our commercial soon." Tepig headed towards the confessional booth. However, along the way, he hid behind the booth and pushed the button to blow up the stick of dynamite. Though not very loud, the explosion could be heard from across the island. "AAAAAHHHHH!" Cheren screamed. At the Yellow team's set, Cheren's box full of needed supplies were destroyed. "Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!" Cheren said in a worried fashion. He tried to fix the supplies, but they were too broken to be fixed. "I thought you checked everything in the box!" Sonic yelled to Cheren. "I did!" Cheren yelled. "Someone must've put a bomb in my box when I wasn't looking. Oh, this is bad. This is SO bad!" Bill arrived to the scene. "What's going on here?" he asked the Yellow team. Cheren tried to answer, but Bill interrupted him. "Don't answer. Whatever happened here was one of the COOLEST moments this season." All of the Yellow team gave him the "Really? Just, really?" look. Bill ignored it and headed back to his office. "Well. We're f**ked." Sonic said.

Back with the Red team, Amy and Bianca just got done with the script. "Whew. It took us 45 minutes, but we are done." Bianca said. The ladies headed to where Axew and Chowder were at. They showed the two lads the final script for the advertisement. Axew read the whole thing out loud. Once finished, he said, "This looks good. I approve of this." Amy and Bianca gave each other a high five. Then, Bianca went to get the cameras. She started recording a couple of seconds later.

Finally, after much debate, the Blue team managed to convince Iris to say the lines featured in the script. Sadly, they only had 5 minutes to record the ad.

!

**Silver: Dear God, Iris was such a pain in today's challenge. But, like I said back in the first challenge, at least we know the results of tonight's elimination (that is, if we lose).**

!

Unfortunately, time was up before they could actually finish recording. Bill arrived to take what was recorded. "But we aren't done yet." Luigi said. "I so don't care." Bill told Luigi.

After collecting all of the tapes, Bill and Pidove reviewed all three tapes (since the Yellow team couldn't get anything done). Afterwards, Bill gathered up the contestants and told them the results. "So, me and Pidove took a look at your ads. And, the winner is…" Bill explained. The Yellow team were positive that they were going to lose. But, something unexpected saved them. "… the Yellow team!" Both the Red and Yellow teams were shocked. "That's right. This week was a reverse challenge. And because of that, the Yellow team's s**tty performance made them this week's winner. Sadly, that makes the Red team our loser. I'll see you 5 suckers later on tonight." Most of the Yellow team were happy about this. But, in Tepig's mind, he was anything but happy.

!

**Tepig: Damn it! Just when I thought we were going to lose, Bill pulled a fast one. That no good son of a bitch.**

!

When the Yellow team reached their cabin, Mario noticed Tepig's disappointment. "What's wrong? We didn't have to go to the elimination ceremony, but something is still bugging you." the plumber asked Tepig. "Oh that. I just feel bad for the Red team. I mean, what Bill did there was just unfair. You know what I'm saying, right?" Tepig lied. Mario answered, "True. But look at the bright side. At least we're still here." Sadly, that only made Tepig feel worse. But, he pretended to get over it by saying, "Yeah, you're right." Mario went back to his bedroom. Tepig sat where he was. He was thinking hard about something. Then, he decided to do what he believed was right.

!

**Tepig: I thought about what Mario said to me. And that made me think about why I'm still here. I thought, "I don't deserve to be here." So, Bill, if you are watching this, show this to Ash after I forfeit the game. And if Ash sees this, I'm sorry that I'm leaving you, but it has to be done. I committed a reality show crime, and I must pay for it! Please forgive me! {sheds a tear in his eye}.**

!

At the elimination ceremony, the Red team were sitting there impatiently. "Welcome to tonight's ceremony." Bill said as he showed up. "You are a f**king a**hole, Bill." said an angry Tails. Bill said, "I know. I get that a lot. Anyways, it's time to announce the results. Our first marshmallow goes to Axew." He went to get his marshmallow. "Bianca." She went to get her marshmallow. "Amy." She happily walked over to Bill. "Three down, one more to go. Who's going to leave? Tails or Chowder?" Bill said. Tails didn't have any worries while Chowder was gripping onto his hat. "The final marshmallow goes to…" Bill said with suspense. He paused for a moment. Then, he said, "Ch-" "STOP!" yelled a mysterious voice. The Red team turned around to see that the voice belonged to Tepig. "I can't allow this to go on any further! Bill, I'm forfeiting." Tepig said to Bill. The Red team all said at the same time, "WHAT?!" Axew asked, "But why?" Tepig answered, "I must confess something I've been hiding. Me and Ash are responsible for Peach and Blossom's eliminations." Everyone except Bill gasped at what Tepig revealed. Then, Tepig realized that he said that Ash was responsible too. "Oops! You weren't supposed to here the Ash part." he said in an embarrassed fashion. "Okay Bill. Take me home now." Bill said, "You can walk over there. God, you guys are so lazy." Tepig headed to the dock. He went on the boat and left the island.

Later that night, Bill knocked on the Green team's door. Knuckles opened the door and asked, "What do you want?" Bill asked, "May I see Ash for a few minutes?" Knuckles replied, "Fine. ASH! Bill wants to see you!" Ash arrived to the door and asked, "What do you want to show me?" Bill said, "Follow me, and I will show you." Once they arrived to Bill's office, Bill showed Ash the last confession that Tepig made and also showed what occurred at the elimination ceremony.

!

**Ash: I couldn't believe it. Not only did Tepig abandon me, but he also backstabbed me. WHY?! Why did he do that?! {slams his fist to the wall}. *** f**king damn it!**

!

"You brought me all the way here just to see me tear up, didn't you?" Ash asked despite knowing the answer. "Exactly." Bill replied. Ash sniffed, "Well. It worked, you heartless son of a bitch!" He ran out of Bill's office in tears. "See you later." Bill said to Ash. "F**k you!" Ash yelled in the distance.

Meanwhile, the Red team were at their cabin. Most of them were pretty pissed. "Hey. Why are we upset?" Chowder asked Bianca (who is slowly becoming a friend of Chowder's). "Because we were THIS close to eliminating Tails." Bianca answered. "But Ash's stupid friend had to get in the way." Then, she realized something.

!

**Bianca: Despite the fact that Tails didn't leave, Tepig did do something right. He just sealed Ash's fate in this game.**

!

"Hey Chowder. Do you remember what Tepig said at the elimination ceremony?" Bianca asked Chowder. "Kind of. He accidentally told us that the guy named Ash was also responsible for those two girls' eliminations." Chowder answered. "Think about it." Bianca said. "This means that Ash could be leaving soon. And that brings us a step closer to the $1,000,000 prize." Chowder thought about it for a few seconds. "Yeah. That's true." The two happily gave one another a high five.

In Tails' bedroom, he was lying on his bed with a look full of anger.

!

**Tails: Back at the elimination ceremony, before Tepig quit the game, Bill almost said that Chowder got the last marshmallow. My teammates were trying to boot me! No matter. If that's how they're going to treat me, then I'll do the same. Look out Red team! Mr. Nice Tails just left the building.**

!

"Oh boy. Stuff surely went down today. A contestant quit, that same contestant stabbed another contestant in the back, and one more contestant is going to become a future villain. This is exciting." Bill said outside of the Red team's cabin. "But, with every great episode comes a greater ending. Next week, drama is going to stir up even more. But until then, see you again on… Retard… Island!"


	11. Chapter 11: A Quiz Show That Backstabs U

Chapter 11: A Quiz Show That Backstabs You

After the last elimination ceremony, the Yellow team were starting to get concerned about something. "Jeez. Tepig's been gone for a while." Mario said. Then, someone knocked on their front door. It was Bill. "Oh no. What do you want?" Sonic said. Bill replied, "I have bad news and even worse news." The three members didn't like the sound of that. "Let's get the worst out of the way first." Mario said. "The worst news is that Tepig pulled himself from the game." Bill explained. They were shocked to hear that Tepig quit the game. "And the bad news?" Sonic asked. "The bad news is that… well, there isn't any. That is all." Bill explained. He left the cabin to head back to his office. "Well, the little bastard had it coming." Sonic said. Mario and Cheren yelled, "Sonic!" The hedgehog asked, "What? He did."

!

**Sonic: Thank God! He was trouble the minute he stepped foot onto this island. Now we can actually win challenges.**

!

One day later, the Red team decided to tell everyone about Ash's bad deeds. But they still haven't decided on who should do it. "I say Axew. Because everyone will listen to him. Especially Iris." Bianca said. Most of them agreed with her idea. "Tails." Bianca said to Tails while giving him a look. To make it short, he did. Then, Axew headed out to tell everyone the news. It took him a few minutes, but he told everyone.

!

**Ash: Oh no! Now everyone knows! If I don't do something fast, I'll be out of here faster than Tepig.**

!

Six days later, it was time for the next challenge. This challenge was a quiz show that told of all of the bad stuff that everyone had done so far. One person per team was selected to be competing. And they were Amy, Snivy, Cheren, and Ash. "Okay. First question." Bill said. "Who knocked out Bianca in the very first episode? A, Tails. B, Johnny. C, Ash. Or, D, Billy." Everyone selected C. "Correct!" Bill said. Everyone gave Ash a meaner look than before. Ash was laughing nervously. "It was an accident." Ash said nervously. "You'd wish that it was an accident!" Bianca yelled from the audience. "SHUT UP!" Ash screamed. Bill said, "Next question. Who ate a dead rabbit whole? A, Chowder. B, Billy. C, Cheren. Or, D, Bubbles." Everyone selected A. "Correct!" Bill said. Amy said, "I still have nightmares about it." The Blue, Yellow, and Green teams grabbed a barf bag and threw up. "Next question. Who spilled paint all over himself and Cheren? A, Sonic. B, Ash. C, Mario. Or, D, Billy." Everyone selected D. "Correct!" Bill said. Sonic said, "But, in the end, he paid the ultimate price for it." Cheren said, "Please don't talk about paint. I don't want to talk about it." Bill continued the game with, "Next question."

A montage came on once the next question was shown. It showed Snivy and Cheren getting the right answer every single time. Amy had the occasional screw up. And Ash screwed up a bunch of times. Once it was over, it was time for the 15th (and final) question. "Okay. This game is certainly getting intense. In the lead with 1,400 points is Snivy and Cheren. In 3rd place with 1,100 points is Amy. And in last place with 600 points is Ash. This last question is worth 1,000 points. So, whoever gets it right in the fastest time wins the game. So, let's get to the final question. Other than Ash, who is becoming a villain? A, Sonic. B, Tails. C, Chowder. Or, D, Snivy." Everyone started to get nervous. None of them were positive, so Amy and Cheren chose A while Snivy chose C. Ash selected B. "And with that, we have a winner. The winner is…" Bill said. Everyone was on the edge of their seats (or for the contestants competing, on the edge of their stands). "… Ash!" Bill said. The audience yelled, "What?!" Amy, Snivy, and Cheren yelled, "What?!" Even Ash yelled, "What?!"

!

**Ash: Wow! I had no idea that Tails was becoming a bad guy. Who knew?**

!

The Green team were angry that Ash won. "With that, the Red team is facing elimination AGAIN. See you losers later." Bill said.

At the Red team cabin, it was obvious that everyone was voting for Tails. The two-tailed fox knew that, so he tried to come up with a plan that didn't involve switching the votes (because to him, that would be too easy). "How can I guarantee a spot in the next episode? Hmm." he asked himself. He thought of this for a long time. Then, he saw Chowder, whom of which was heading to the kitchen to get some food. At that moment, Tails came up with an idea.

Quietly, Tails walked behind Chowder. Once at the kitchen, the fox hid behind the kitchen entrance. Chowder reached up the pantry to get some cookies. When the fat kid turned around, Tails was there. "Hi Tails. What are you doing?" Chowder asked Tails. "Nothing. I just came to talk to you about something." Tails answered. Chowder asked, "Like?" Suddenly, Tails was right by Chowder. "How did you-" the fat kid asked. Before Chowder could finish, Tails shut that kid up. "Relax. I just want to make a deal." whispered the two-tailed fox. "Ooh! A deal. Is there food?" asked a now happy Chowder. Tails stuttered before saying, "Yes." Chowder asked, "So, what do I have to do?" Tails replied, "You have to vote for Axew instead of me." That made Chowder question Tails. "No way! I would never do that!" Chowder yelled. Tails said, "Well, that's too bad. I didn't want to do this, but you left me no choice." He had a kitchen knife in his hand. Then, he grabbed the back of Chowder's shirt and put the knife right on Chowder's throat. The little guy was screaming at the top of his lungs. But before he could, Tails put his free hand on his mouth. "You better listen to me, you little brat! If you don't vote for Axew, I will cut you! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Tails threatened while gritting his teeth. Chowder was starting to hyperventilate. Unexpectedly, there was a gun sound. Then, that same gun was put on Tails' head. Holding the gun was Bianca. "If you don't want your brain to be all over the floor, I would let the kid go." she threatened. Tails said, "Oh, this is adorable. The teenage girl is trying to be a hero." A mysterious voice (coming from the freezer) said, "She's not the only one." Then, it was shown that the voice belonged to Axew (who was also holding a gun). "Let him go!" Axew demanded. All of them were staring at each other with a lot of silence. Back at Bill's office, Pidove was getting concerned. "Uh, should we do something?" the bird asked Bill. Bill said, "Are you kidding? This is awesome! This, right here, is reality TV gold." An hour passed, but nothing had happened. They were still staring at each other. At that moment, Bianca had an idea. She shot Tails right in the foot. "AAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed in pain. Then, they grabbed Chowder and headed for the elimination ceremony.

After everyone voted, it was time to boot someone off the island (even though it's pretty obvious). "Once again, I welcome you to the elimination ceremony." Bill said. "Just get to the point." Amy said. "Fine, Mrs. No-Fun-At-All. The first marshmallow goes to Bianca." She caught her marshmallow with her hat. "Axew." He walked towards Bill and obtained his marshmallow. "Chowder." He caught it with his mouth. "And then there were two. Tails and Amy. Who's going to get eliminated?" Bill said. Amy had a grin on her face while Tails was too busy with his wound to notice. "The last marshmallow belongs to… Amy." She went to get her marshmallow. "Well. Sucks to be you right now. Time to pack your bags and get going." Tails grabbed his crutches and headed for the dock. But then, he turned around and said, "Good job. Are you happy now? You just got rid of your smartest member." His teammates threw their marshmallows at him and his wound. "But at least we got rid of our laziest/meanest in the process." Axew said. "You guys can go f**k yourselves. I'm out of here." Tails said as he reached his boat ride home. "As for the rest of you, head on back to your cabin. You are safe (at this very moment)." Bill said as the Red team went back to their cabin. "Well, this episode was full of violence. And according to the records, this is the most viewed episode yet. Who's butt is going home next week? Will Ash survive? And will the Red team finally get peace? That's all going to be answered on the next episode of… Retard… Island!"


	12. Chapter 12: Improv At It's Worst

Chapter 12: Improv At It's Worst

With Tails gone, things at the Red cabin were starting to sail smoothly. But, despite that, life at the Red cabin was more boring. Without the two-tailed fox, Axew doesn't have someone that gets on his nerves, Amy and Bianca don't have someone to talk s**t about (who of which is in the same team), and Chowder… well, besides the stack of food and that little incident that happened in the previous chapter, he didn't have that many problems with Tails. But still, life wasn't as interesting as it was before.

On the other hand, the Green team kept a watchful eye on Ash. Everywhere he went, one of his teammates were right by his side. They ate meals with him, they slept with him (don't get the wrong idea), and they even went to the bathroom with him (yeah, he's THAT untrustworthy). At this point, the retard was tired of it all.

!

**Ash: Okay! I'll say it! Peach and Blossom, if you two are watching this, I am REALLY sorry that I caused you two to lose the game. I just wanted to stay in the game at the time. I know that you two won't forgive me (and kick my ass when I get booted), but at least I said sorry.**

!

Ash got out of the confessional and walked back to the cabin with Knuckles by his side. "Can you PLEASE go away?" Ash asked. "Let me think about it. No!" Knuckles replied. Ash sighed heavily. "Figures." he mumbled.

At lunch time, Bill arrived to announce the 9th challenge. "Good afternoon, competitors. It's time to begin another challenge." Bill announced. Sonic said sarcastically, "Yay." Bill ignored Sonic's sarcasm and announced, "And this time around, we have the awesome game of Improv." Chowder asked, "What's that?" Bill answered, "Well, it's where you try to come up with something clever in the shortest amount of time possible. You got to be a quick thinker, you got to have good material, and most of all, you got to go with everything your buddies think of. You get what I'm saying?" Chowder replied, "I guess I do." Bill said, "That's my boy! Now, let's head on down to the stage."

The contestants arrived to the stage once again. "Oh, and one more thing." Bill mentioned. "Blue team. Send one of your members to the Yellow team." Within a few seconds, Luigi was sent to the Yellow team (which will soon become a big mistake). "Okay. With that out of the way, let's get this challenge started with the Yellow team." Bill said. The Yellow team and Luigi walked up to the stage. "Now, me and Pidove took requests from our Twitter pages and we chose our personal favorites." Bill told the four teams. This made Luigi gulp. "I'm going to give you a situation and you four are going to have to act it out the best you can. Your situation is… balancing on a tightrope, which is on top of an abyss that's 10,000 feet below you. Good luck." Bill told the Yellow team and Luigi. (*Author's Note*. All of the Improv activities will be typed in script format.)

Luigi: Are you sure that this is a good idea? Because that looks like a long fall.

Sonic: Oh relax. It could be worse. You could be balancing over the Twin Towers.

Luigi: But, the Twin Towers were destroyed over a decade ago.

Sonic: Exactly! So quit being a pussy and get on that damn rope.

. All Four: {get on their designated tightropes}.

Cheren: Uh, I think it's starting to get windy.

Mario: Guys! He's right. It's REALLY getting windy out here.

All Four: {try to keep their balance}.

Luigi: {trips on the rope and grabs onto the rope}. HELP ME!

Cheren: Oh no! Sonic, do something!

Sonic: And get myself killed? F**k that!

Mario and Cheren: SONIC!

Sonic: Ugh. Fine. {carefully reaches out to Luigi}. Take my hand!

Luigi: Okay. {reaches out for Sonic's hand, but accidentally lets go of the rope}. AAAAAHHHHH!

Mario, Sonic, and Cheren: LUIGI!

Luigi: {falls for a while before landing hard on the bottom}.

Cheren: Guys. Let's make a promise. Let's never do this on top of an abyss again.

Mario and Sonic: Agreed.

The Yellow team and Luigi bowed after their performance. "Wow. That was pretty damn good. For that, you get a 9.5/10." Bill announced. The four of them were happy for their score. "Next up is the Red team." The Red team took center stage. "Your situation is… a restaurant that's on it's busiest hour. Good luck." Bill told the Red team.

Axew: Okay team. The restaurant is very busy right now, so I want you three to work your butts off. Understand.

Amy, Bianca, and Chowder: Yes sir!

Axew: Good. Now get busy.

Amy: {pretends to make food}.

Bianca: {pretends to grab a small notebook}.

Chowder: {pretends to sweep the floor}.

Axew: {enters the restaurant and takes a seat}.

Bianca: What would you like to drink, sir?

Axew: Some water.

Axew #2: {enters the restaurant}.

Bianca: What would you like to drink, ma'am?

Axew #2: I'd like a cup of tea.

Bianca: Amy! A cup of water and tea.

Amy: On it! {works really hard to make drinks}. Here you go.

Bianca: Thanks. {takes drinks and gives them to their designated customers}.

Axew: I'd like a hamburger with fries.

Bianca: Understood. And you.

Axew #2: For me, I'll take a hot dog with mustard and onions.

Bianca: Uh huh. Amy!

Amy: I already got them. {makes the food}. Done!

Bianca: {takes the food and hands them to their destinations}. Phew. That's done.

Axew and Axew #2: We are done.

Bianca: Here are your checks.

Axew and Axew #2: {pays for the food and drinks, then leaves the restaurant}.

Bianca: Another satisfied customer.

Axew: Hey guys. I'm back.

Bianca: But weren't you just here.

Axew: No.

All Four: {laughs}.

After that, Bill gave them a 7.5/10. "You four are decent actors." Bill told them. The Red team accepted their score and headed back to the audience. "The next team performing will be the Green team." The four Greens took the center of the stage.

!

**Ash: I bet my teammates will try to lose this challenge on purpose. So, it's time for me to get my acting skills together.**

!

"Your situation is… a game show. Good luck." Bill said. Ash asked, "Quick question. Does it have to be a specific game show?" Bill gave Ash a weird look and replied, "No." Ash said with relief, "Oh good."

Ash: Welcome back to Jeopardy. Now we are left with the Final Jeopardy. I'm going to ask the three contestants on how much money they will be betting. Then, I'll ask them a question. Whoever has the most money at the end wins the game. So, how much are each of you betting.

Knuckles, Oshawott, and Mandy: {writes down nothing}.

Ash: Come on, guys. Write down something.

Knuckles, Oshawott, and Mandy: {still refuses to write down a bet}.

Ash: Look guys. It isn't that difficult. All you have to do is write down a number. It's that simple.

Knuckles, Oshawott, and Mandy: {writes down 0}.

Ash: Good. Now let's get to the question. The 33rd President of the United States. You have 30 seconds. Go!

Knuckles, Oshawott, and Mandy: {sits there patiently}.

Ash: Nothing. Well, I guess you all win. And with that, this episode of Jeopardy is over. See you next time for when we get contestants that ACTUALLY TRY.

Bill gave Ash a weird look. "Okay. Your score is… a 5/10." Knuckles, Oshawott, and Mandy were happy for their score.

!

**Ash: I hope the guys at the Blue team are worst actors. Please.**

!

"Last but not least is the Blue team. Come on up." Bill said. The Blue team went up to the stage. "And your situation is… having sex." Iris said, "Wait. There's three girls and one dude. So you're telling me that two of us girls are going to pretend to be lesbos?" Bill replied, "Exactly." Iris gave Bill a look. "Screw this. I'm out of here." she said as she headed back to her cabin. "Iris. I wouldn't do that if I were you." Snivy warned. "Oh, what are you going to do? Shoot me with one of your guns? Ha! You don't have the guts to do such a thing." Iris said mockingly. Snivy asked, "Do I? Do I really?" She grabbed a gun and nearly shot Iris in the foot. "Holy s**t! You do have the guts!" Iris yelled. "Do the damn skit now, or you will get shot!" Snivy threatened. Despite Snivy's efforts, Iris still went back to her cabin. "Well, it looks like you guys lose once again. I will see you later on tonight. Oh, and Luigi, you have immunity." Luigi cheered with joy. "Wait. Then that means we won." Sonic said as he and his teammates cheered happily.

!

**Sonic: Yep. I told you that we'd start winning challenges. Now give me $50.**

**Mario: You won it fair and square. {gives Sonic a $50 bill}.**

**Sonic: Hell yeah!**

!

The camera returns with showing the elimination ceremony for this week. Luigi had already obtained his marshmallow. "Now with that out of the way, let's get down to business. The next marshmallow goes to Snivy." She casually walked to Bill and grabbed her marshmallow. "Buttercup." She flew over to Bill to obtain her marshmallow. "And with that, two people are left with no marshmallows. Who will get this last marshmallow? Iris or Silver?" Silver gave Iris the 'you-are-screwed' look while Iris was rocking back and forth with a nervous look to her. "… Iris." She asked, "Yes." Bill announced, "You…" She leaned forward due to the amount of suspense. "… are eliminated. Here you go, Silver." Silver was like, "I knew it." Iris put her head down in shame. "Well. It sucks to be you, right now. Anything you want to say to your teammates before you leave?" Bill asked, to which Iris replied, "Yes. F**k you guys! And Axew, good luck." Then, she ran to the boat that will take her away from the island. "Congratulations to the rest of you. You dodged another bullet. You can go back to your cabin now. You're safe (for this week)." Bill told what was left of the Blue team. They headed back to their cabin. "And another episode comes to a close. Now that 9 contestants are gone, we are slowly reaching the merge. Who will be eliminated contestant #10? Find out next week on another episode of… Retard… Island!" Bill said to the camera as it went to black.


	13. Chapter 13: Gross Food Gross Drinks

Chapter 13: Disgusting Food Is No Different Than Disgusting Drinks

At the kitchen, Pidove was making something gross. After putting the last touches, the bird yelled, "Bill! The last of the meals have been made!" Bill entered the kitchen and said, "Nice job, Pidove. I should give you a raise for that. But, I won't. So, you'll still get paid the same." Pidove rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't you be telling our competitors that it's time for the challenge?" he asked Bill while trying to change the subject. "Oh yeah." Bill answered as he grabbed his handy megaphone. He turned it on and yelled, "Contestants! Get your asses over here! It's time for challenge #10!"

Most of the contestants' faces turned green the minute they entered the dining room. "Dear God! What in God's name is that terrible smell?!" Sonic asked. Bill replied, "Why, that's what you guys are going to eat. Today's challenge is a food-eating competition." Pidove added, "A disgusting one." Bill explained, "All you have to do is eat all of the food on your plate 10 times. And I mean ALL of the food."

!

**Chowder: Finally! A challenge that's fun. This'll be great.**

!

**Cheren: Oh dear. My stomach can't handle this kind of challenge.**

!

Everyone took their seats and they were given their first meal. "This first meal is a pizza with fingernails, toe jam, and pubic hair." Bill announced. Sonic looked at his team's pizza and said, "Hey. This is my pubic hair. How did you get it?" Bill replied, "Oh, we stole some of your pubic hair while you were sleeping." Sonic said, "Huh. No wonder my balls feel a lot cooler than normal." Realizing that Sonic's pubic hair was on the pizzas, everyone except Chowder threw up. Think about it, this hedgehog runs around all the time. So, it must be pretty damn disgusting to eat that pizza.

The Red team (except Chowder, who easily ate his slices of pizza) were hesitating on eating the pizza. Meanwhile, the Blue team didn't even touch it. With the Yellow team, Mario tried his hardest to swallow the pizza, and Sonic and Cheren were trying to find the perfect place to start. On the other hand, the Green team were ignoring the food on purpose. "Oh come on, guys! I said I was sorry! Can't we at least try to participate?" Ash yelled to his teammates. His teammates shook their heads side to side. He sighed in disappointment.

!

**Sonic: Wow. The Greens really want Ash gone. I kind of feel bad for the kid.**

!

After 5 minutes, the Yellow team were the first team to finish their meal. "Yellow team wins Round 1!" Bill announced. The other teams growled. "Time for the next meal, which is 'chocolate' pie." There were flies all over the pie. "I think you mean crap pie." Silver said. All of the teams were having trouble eating dog s**t. But, after 10 minutes, the Yellow team won again. "Yeah!" Cheren yelled before throwing up.

Next on the menu was whale semen. But, Bill didn't tell the competitors that part. They just assumed it was rotten milk. Surprisingly, everyone thought it tasted great. And in the end, the Red and Blue teams tied. "Wow. That was some great-tasting expired milk." Bianca said in astonishment. "Yeah. About that. It's not rotten milk. It's the sperm of a whale." corrected an eager-for-reactions Bill. All of the contestants were wide-eyed. But, Sonic broke the silence by saying, "At least it tastes good." Everyone agreed with Sonic.

!

**Bill: Oh my God! I knew we should've used human sperm instead of whale sperm. {throws up}.**

**Pidove: Ha! You owe me $100.**

**Bill: Damn it. {hands Pidove $100}. But that's coming out of your paycheck.**

**Pidove: Aw s**t.**

!

"Okay, that last one was too easy. But the rest won't be so easy. I guarantee it!" Bill warned the contestants.

A montage began with Bill introducing the 4th meal. Round after round, the Yellow team won. Occasionally, the Red team won. The Green team only won once. At the end of the montage, it was the final round. "Well, we are almost done with this challenge. In the lead, with 5 wins is the Yellow team. In 2nd place, with 2 wins is the Red team. And in a tie for 3rd place, with 1 win is the Blue and Green teams (well, Ash specifically). Yellow team, you already won, so you guys can leave now. And Red team, since you guys are going to tie for 2nd with either the Blue or Green team, you can go back to your cabin also." Bill told everyone. Both teams ran out of the dining room the minute Bill said that. "And now, for this round, you guys will choose one person to go for the team." Bill announced. The Blue team chose Snivy while the Green team Knuckles (against Ash's will). "Here's your last meal." Bill said as he unveiled the last of the God-awful meals. On the plate was live millipedes. "Eh. I've dealt with worse." Snivy said as she started grabbing millipedes. More and more entered her system. Meanwhile, Knuckles didn't even eat any of his. "Bill. Not only is this disgusting, but it's also cruel to the millipedes." he said. "I so don't care. Now quit being a hippy and start eating." Bill said back. Knuckles sighed and started eating some millipedes. After taking his first bite, he was already getting sick. "I'm sorry. I can't do this." Knuckles said as he went to the nearest trash can. "More for me, I suppose." Snivy said as she took all of Knuckles' millipedes and started eating them. Once she was done, she raised both of her arms in the air in victory (well, 2nd place victory, but you get the message). "It's over! The Blue team is sharing 2nd place with the Red team!" Bill announced. The Blue team cheered gleefully. "And Snivy is a freak!" Snivy yelled, "Hey!" Bill finished with, "But, that means the Green team will be facing elimination for the 3rd time. But, I'm sure you guys don't care (as long as you aren't Ash). See you later."

!

**Ash: Well. {slaps his legs}. I'm dead. It was fun while it lasted.**

!

By the time the elimination ceremony came, Ash already had his stuff packed up. "Welcome back, Green team. It's been a while. You know, since Ash got Peach and Blossom eliminated." Bill said to the Green team. "Don't remind me." Ash said shamefully. "Anyways, it's time to announce the results of your voting. The first marshmallow goes to Mandy." Like usual, she casually walked over to Bill to grab her marshmallow. "Oshawott." He went to Bill, took his rightfully-earned marshmallow, and sat back down. "Two contestants, one marshmallow. Who does it belong to? Knuckles or Ash? The final marshmallow's father is…" Knuckles had no worries while Ash had his head down in shame. "… Ash." Knuckles and Ash yelled at the same time, "WHAT?!" Ash said, "I'm not eliminated? Aw, you guys are nice." He went up to obtain yet another marshmallow. "Why?! Why did you get rid of me instead of Ash?!" Knuckles asked. Mandy said, "Because he's not as dumb as you, he HAS learned from his mistakes, and if we don't get rid of you before the merge, you're going to win all of the challenges. Do you understand, now?" Knuckles growled. "I bet you and Ash didn't see that coming. But, you still have bags to pack." Bill told Knuckles. Knuckles mumbles something vulgar under his breath while going back to the cabin to pack his bags. Once done, he headed to the boat and left the island. "Wow. I did not see this coming. Well, this has certainly been an exciting ceremony. You three can go back to your cabin. You are elimination-free (for this very moment)." Bill told the remaining Greens on their way to their cabin.

On the way to the Green cabin, Ash told Oshawott and Mandy, "Thanks for forgiving me." Oshawott said, "You're welcome. But, you owe us for booting Peach and Blossom." Ash said, "That's okay. I deserve it. Say, why did you two vote for Knuckles?" Oshawott replied, "We'll tell you when we get to the cabin."

!

**Ash: You know, my teammates aren't as bad as I thought they were. Which got me thinking.**

!

"Ten down, twelve more to go. Who will be booted next week? What did Ash mean in his last confessional? And is he off the hook? Find out on the next episode of… Retard… Island!" Bill said eagerly.


	14. Chapter 14: How Do You Do With Teammates

Chapter 14: How Do You Do With Teammates?

Once the Green team got back from their recent elimination, Ash told Oshawott and Mandy something unexpected. "I have an idea that might get us to the final 3." Ash explained. Oshawott asked, "What are you saying? You want me and Mandy in an alliance with you?" Ash answered, "You got that right. So, what do you say?" Oshawott and Mandy thought about Ash's offer.

!

**Oshawott: Me, Ash, and Mandy in an alliance. Mandy is a useful player, and though Ash isn't the smartest person around, he is smart enough to boot two contestants. Then, that's when I decided.**

!

After a few minutes of hard thinking, the two agreed with Ash. "And one more thing. What should we call this alliance?" Ash asked. Mandy asked, "You didn't think of this ahead of time?" Ash replied, "I just got this idea a couple of minutes ago. Don't judge me." Oshawott said, "How about we name it Team Green?" Ash said, "Yeah! Then nobody would suspect a thing. Good thinking, Oshawott." The two gave each other a high five. "From now on, we are known as Team Green."

Meanwhile, at the Red cabin, groans of pain could be heard in Chowder's room. Inside, Chowder was having massive stomach pains. "Oh, the pain. It's killing me!" the poor kid yelled. "I'm sure it's just indigestion." Bianca said while trying to make the situation less worse than it already was. Unfortunately, Chowder's pain only got worse by the minute. "This isn't good. We need to get Bill." Bianca told Amy. "I'll go get him." Amy said as she headed for Bill's office.

Once there, Amy told Bill, "You need to come to our cabin." Bill asked, "How did you find my office?" Amy begged, "Please, Bill. It's an emergency!" Bill sighed, "Fine. I'll come." The minute they reached Chowder's room, they realized that Chowder's situation has gotten worse. "Oh thank God! Check to see what's wrong with him." Bianca said. "Now I can't feel my legs!" Chowder yelled. Bill studied the kid from head to toe. After 2 minutes, Bill announced, "Chowder ate something that his body didn't agree with." Bianca said sarcastically, "Gee, I couldn't tell if it was that or he has AIDS." Bill warned, "Don't push it, missy. Anyways, a condition like this isn't something we can cure overnight." Bianca asked, "What do you mean?" Bill said disappointingly, "What I mean is… we're going to have to pull Chowder from the game." Axew, Amy, and Bianca yelled at the same time, "WHAT?!" Chowder said, "Oh no. OH NO!" Bill took his phone out and told Pidove, "We're going to need a boat ASAP."

At the dock, Chowder was being pushed onto his boat ride to the nearest hospital. "We'll miss you." Bianca told Chowder. "So will I." he said in return before his boat left the island. After the boat was out of sight, the Red team returned to their cabin.

One week later, it was time to begin the next challenge. "Welcome, contestants. Now lately, I've seen a bunch of mistrust amongst you guys. So, in order to fix that issue, I've decided to make you do several challenges that heavily involves teamwork. You guys earn 1, 2, 3, or 4 points based on how you do in challenges. The team with the most points win. Now, the first of these challenges is a bag race. This is where two people are stuffed into a bag. The first duo to cross the finish line wins this challenge." Bill announced. The teams chose who was going and those competitors got into their designated bags. Going for the Red team was Amy and Bianca. On the Blue team, Luigi and Silver. Yellow team's suckers were Mario and Sonic. And lastly, the Greens participating were Oshawott and Mandy. "On your marks… get set… GO!" Bill said before shooting a blank (or so he thought). Unfortunately, Pidove forgot to take out whatever bullets were in the gun. Then, a bird fell out of sky and landed on the ground dead. "Okay. That's not going to look good later on." Bill said before heading towards Pidove.

The four duos hopped to the finish line as fast as they could. But Mario couldn't keep up with Sonic's jumping, which caused them to trip several times. Amy was also having a hard time with the challenge. Due to wearing the shoes she was wearing, she twisted her ankles until she couldn't feel them anymore. This gave Bianca plenty of more difficulty. She had to carry Amy the rest of the way. But, in the end, Luigi and Silver were the first to cross the line. Then, Oshawott and Mandy crossed the line. Afterwards, Mario and Sonic made it to the finish line, causing Amy and Bianca to get in last. "I knew I shouldn't have brought these shoes with me." Amy complained.

Now that the race was over, it was time to begin the 2nd challenge. And this time, it was an obstacle course. Axew took Amy's place for the Red team, Snivy and Buttercup were now playing for the Blue team, Cheren went for Mario on the Yellow team, and Mandy tagged out with Ash. In this 3-part course was a door that had to be opened with two spinning levers, a series of seesaws, and a platform that had to be balanced. The goal was to have the fastest time.

At the starting line, the Red team went first. "3, 2, 1... Go!" Bill yelled as he shot a blank. He looked up to see if he accidentally shot anything. Nothing fell, so he sighed in relief. That is, until a helicopter fell from the sky and crashed on the island next door. "_Damn it!_" Bill thought.

The competitors ignored it and got to business. Right off the bat, the Red duo were having problems. Due to Axew's height, he couldn't reach the lever. So, Amy spun her lever before putting her hammer underneath the lever. It worked until her hammer split in half, causing the door to fall down full force. Fortunately, it was high enough for the two to slide under it before it landed. Meanwhile, Snivy and Buttercup breezed through the door, Cheren and Sonic had little difficulty, and Oshawott and Ash had the same problem as the Red team (except that they didn't have anything tall or strong enough to hold the door).

At the second part, Bianca was looking at what was ahead. Eventually, she figured out a pattern and told Axew, "Go on to the other side." He did what she told him to do. "Now what?" he asked. Bianca responded by jumping on her side, launching the little guy to the 4th seesaw. "Oh, I see where this is going." Axew said to himself. Once Bianca made it to where Axew was, she went to the opposite side of Axew. This pattern went on until they reached the end of the 2nd part, but not before the Yellow duo. Then, the Blue duo made it after some trouble. Meanwhile, the Green duo were still at the 1st part. When they screwed up for the 10th consecutive time, Ash screamed, "*** DAMN IT! We'll never get out of this part!"

Finally, at the third/last part, Axew and Bianca had trouble balancing. Thanks to their different weight sizes, they had to alternate between the outer and inner parts of the platform. After several slip-ups, they got 3rd place (Blue got 1st while Yellow got 2nd). "Hey. Where are the Greens?" Bill asked. The three teams looked behind them to see that the Green team were still not in the last part. "No matter. It's time for our final challenge." Bill announced. Fifteen minutes later, the Greens made it to the end. "Aw crap! We lost." Oshawott complained.

For the final teamwork challenge, the contestants had to commit a fake robbery. Axew and Amy went for the Red team, Snivy and Silver went for the Blue team, Cheren and Mario went for the Yellow team, and Ash and Mandy went for the Green team. Each team was given a place to rob and an item to steal from that place. Axew and Amy had to steal cookies from the kitchen, Snivy and Silver had to steal an expensive camera from an intern, Cheren and Mario had to steal a jar of honey from a bear, and Ash and Mandy had to steal… a stick from the dock. "Really?" they asked Bill. "What? It was Pidove's idea." Bill pointed out. Pidove gave Bill a look.

Right by the kitchen exit, Axew and Amy were coming up with a plan. After some debate, they decided to enter from the roof. As quietly as they could, the two climbed up to the kitchen's roof. Unfortunately, Amy slipped and accidentally kicked the wall, which made a security guard (that Bill hired) walk out of the kitchen to look for Axew and Amy. On the rooftop, Amy was groaning in pain. "Wait a minute. Amy." Axew said. "Yeah?" she asked. "How fast are you?" Axew asked. Amy answered, "I'm almost as fast as Sonic. Why?" Axew replied, "I have an idea. It's risky, but it could work." He quickly whispered his plan to Amy. Then, she agreed with it and jumped off of the rooftop. Without a second to lose, she ran as fast as she could while carrying Axew. Then, she locked the door behind her, leaving the guard outside. "Oh, this isn't good." the security guard said to himself. Once in the pantry, they searched for the cookies. After a minute of searching, they found some Crunchy Chips Ahoy! right by what looked like food from prison. "Eww. What is that?" Amy asked Axew. He took a look at the gross-looking food and answered, "It's probably tomorrow's dinner." Then, they got out of the kitchen as fast as they got in. Unfortunately, when they tried to run out of the kitchen entrance, the guard was waiting for them. "There you are, you sneaky sons of bitches!" yelled the guard. "Crap!" screamed Axew and Amy at the same time. Amy took the cookies from Axew and made a run for it. Axew caught up with Amy after he took care of the guard. "Congratulations, Red team! You got… last place." Bill told them. Amy and Axew yelled, "WHAT?!" They saw that the other teams were already there. "Aw come on!" Amy yelled in frustration. "But." Bill said. Everyone looked at him when he said that. "That means that you are this week's winner." Bill continued. The Red and Blue teams screamed, "WHAT?!" Bill said, "That's right. This week was a reverse challenge, meaning that the Red team wins and the Blue team loses." The Red team cheered while the Blue team groaned. "Blue team, I will see you suckers later on tonight." Bill told a pissed off Blue team.

!

**Silver: Unbelievable! He pulled a fast one on us. God, I hate that man so much!**

!

Later on that same day, the 11th elimination ceremony began. "Welcome. How has life been treating you four?" Bill asked despite knowing the answer. "A hell of a lot better than you have." Silver replied. "Aw. You're so nice, Silver." Bill said sarcastically. "Anyways, you guys have made a decision, and one of you is going to leave. But, I know two people won't be leaving. And they are Luigi and Snivy." The two walked to Bill to take what was rightfully theirs. "And with that, two people still remain. Buttercup and Silver. Who will be voted off after being on this island for 72 days?" Bill said. Buttercup wasn't worried while Silver was a nervous wreck. "The last marshmallow goes to…" Bill said with suspense. There was silence for 30 seconds. Finally, Bill broke the silence by saying, "… Silver." Silver cheered, "Hell yes!" Buttercup was shocked to see that she was booted. Once Silver took his marshmallow, he was laughing at Buttercup. "Shut up!" she yelled before flying to her boat. Bill ignored it and told the Blue team, "Well, this was kind of shocking. You voted out someone strong. That could be a mistake. Anyways, you guys can head back to your cabin. You are safe (for the next two weeks)." Luigi asked, "Two weeks?" Bill replied, "Yeah, since Chowder was pulled from the game a week ago, I decided to give you guys a break after today's challenge. So, go tell the other teams." Then, Luigi left the ceremony and went to the other cabins to tell everyone of their two week break. "And so, this episode is officially over. After 72 days on this island, we have finally reached the halfway mark. Which 2 of the 12 eliminated contestants will return? How will the others react? And how will everyone survive when it comes to being on their own? Find out next time on another episode of… Retard… Island!" Bill told the audience as the camera faded to black.


	15. Chapter 15: FINALLY! The Merge!

Chapter 15: It's About Time The Merge Got Here!

It's been two weeks since Buttercup was booted, and the remaining 12 were enjoying their time off. "Man. Two weeks of relaxation is what I needed." Oshawott said. "You said it." agreed an equally happy Ash. Unfortunately, their vacation came to an end when Bill's megaphone turned on. "Contestants! Head to the dock immediately! I have a special surprise for all of you." Bill announced. "And with that, our vacation comes to an end." said a now disappointed Oshawott.

Once everyone arrived, Bill's grin was more evil-looking than usual. "_I have a bad feeling about this._" Sonic thought. Bill told them, "Congratulations to all of you for making it to the final 12. We have officially reached the halfway mark in this competition." The competitors were happy to hear that their torture was not too far from over. "But, with that, I have some news to tell you. First, from now on, the teams no longer exist." Ash's eyes widened as Bill said that. "That's right. You guys are on your own now." Bill announced. "Yeah. That's nice. Now can we go back to our cabins now." Sonic said sarcastically. "Nope. I also have some more info to give you. Remember when I said that no one who gets booted ever comes back?" Bill asked. Ash replied, "No because the author skipped that part." Bill gave Ash the 'don't-break-the-fourth-wall' look. "Anyways, I lied." Everyone was shocked to hear this for the first time. "So what's going to happen?" Axew asked. Bill answered, "Two contestants who were previously eliminated are given a second chance to win the $1,000,000 prize." Ash yelled, "That's not fair! Some of us worked hard to get rid of those good-for-nothing bastards!" Bianca told Ash, "May I remind you that Peach and Blossom were eliminated because of you?" Ash told her, "Those eliminations happened weeks ago. And plus, I apologized in the end." Bianca rolled her eyes. "So, without further ado, let me introduce our returning lady." Bill said as the first boat arrived.

Everyone looked in the distance to see a pissed-off Peach. "_Oh no! She's back!_" Ash thought as he ran for the hills. Once Peach's boat made it to the dock, Bill greeted, "Welcome back, Peach. How has life been treating you since your elimination?" Peach screamed, "WHERE IS HE?!" Bill asked (despite knowing the answer), "Who's this 'he' you speak of?" Peach screamed, "WHERE IS THAT BACKSTABBING SON OF A BITCH?!" Bill pointed to where Ash ran. She stomped her way to Ash. "Okay. While Peach tries to murder Ash, let me introduce our returning dude."

A boat came into view. Everyone was shocked to see that it was someone they hated. "This is not going to end well." Bianca said. "What?! But, why?!" asked a panicking Axew. Amy gave Bill the 'I-hate-you-so-much' look. Finally, the returnee got off of his boat. "Hello everyone. I'm glad to be back." the returnee said innocently. "Don't act so innocent, Tails. We voted you off for a reason." Bianca reminded the two-tailed fox. "And I'm sorry for what I did. Can you please forgive me?" he said with fake sorrow. Axew and Amy truly forgave him while Bianca slightly accepted his 'apology.'

!

**Bianca: Tails may have fooled everyone else, but he didn't fool me. I know that he wants me, Axew, and Amy gone for voting him off a couple of weeks ago. Well, if he thinks that his little plan is going to work, he's got another thing coming.**

!

**Tails: Did I really change? Hell no! I want to get revenge for what my backstabbing teammates did to me. One by one, they will pay!**

!

Five minutes later, Peach came back to the dock while dragging an unconscious Ash. "Sheesh. What did you do to him?" Bill asked. Peach replied, "I gave him what he deserved." Bill changed the subject with, "Well, now that Peach and Tails are back, let's get to our first individual challenge."

The contestants arrived to the stage. They saw a wheel and 14 stands. "I don't like the look of this." Luigi said. Bill told the contestants, "Welcome to a game that I'd like to call Dare or Dare." Cheren asked, "Don't you mean Truth or Dare?" Bill answered, "No, I mean Dare or Dare. In this challenge, all you have to do is complete a series of dares that are on this wheel. The last one standing wins individual immunity and a special prize. Any questions?" No one rose their hand. "Good. Now let's get this started with… Luigi." Bill said.

!

**Luigi: Of course Bill chooses me first. A**hole.**

!

Luigi walked to the wheel to spin it. It landed on 'Bees Be Crazy.' He asked, "What does Bees Be Crazy mean?" Bill strapped a beehive to Luigi. "You have to survive for 30 seconds to stay in the challenge. Are you ready?" Bill told Luigi. He thought, "_No!_" Then, Bill took a baseball bat from Pidove and whacked the beehive with all of his might. Of course, this pissed off all of the bees inside of the hive. The bees got out of the hive and started stinging the crap out of Luigi. "AAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed in pain. Luigi ran around in circles. Once 30 seconds passed, Bill sprayed the bees with bug repellant and the bees left Luigi alone. He was covered with bee stings. "Congratulations, Luigi. You made it. Now, you get to choose the next person." Bill announced. Luigi turned to where the other contestants were and said, "I choose Ash." Ash was shocked at Luigi's decision. Despite being scared, Ash went to the wheel and made it spin. Eventually, it landed on 'Electrical Karaoke.' "Well. This is self explanatory." Ash said as an electrical belt was strapped onto his chest. "You have to sing a song while getting shocked multiple times. And trust me, it's going to be painful." Bill explained. "And… begin!" Ash was singing a song of his own (because he felt like it). He got shocked several times, but he didn't stop singing. Once he was done, Bill said, "Nice job, Ash. You are still in the game. Now, who do you-" Before he could finish, Bianca was already heading for the wheel. She spun the wheel, which landed on 'Windy Stories.' Bill walked to Bianca and said, "Your challenge is to read a short story while very harsh winds are blowing in your face. Oh, and we will also throw stuff at you." Bianca said, "Figures." A few seconds later, she was in front of a large fan. "And… go!" Bill yelled. Right off the bat, the fan was set to the windiest setting. Bianca opened her book and started reading. Halfway through the book, stuff was heading straight for her. She jumped over a traffic cone, she dodged a bowling ball, and she avoided a knife. "Knives! Really?!" she yelled. Bill shrugged his shoulders as he and Pidove threw more stuff at Bianca. Two minutes later, she finally finished the book. Once Bill realized it, he turned the fan off and told Bianca to choose someone to compete. Now, to save time, we will now enter a montage of pain. And when I say pain, I MEAN pain.

Bianca chose Tails, and he had to be electrocuted by 1,000,000 volts of electricity for 15 seconds. He had some difficulty with the torture, but in the end, he managed to pull through. Then, he chose Axew, who had to be frozen in a block of ice for 5 minutes (to which he yelled, "Really?! Five freaking minutes!"). However, regardless of how much he didn't want to do it, he did it anyways (with failed results). "Ooh, sorry Axew. You were off by 0.00000000- eh, forget it. You lost." Bill said to an angry Axew. He stomped off the stage and sat on the loser stand. After that, it was Sonic's turn. His torture was to be kissed by Amy for 2 minutes. Unfortunately, before Amy's lips could even touch Sonic's cheeks, Sonic ran for the hills, causing him to be eliminated from the challenge. Fifteen minutes later, it was down to Tails and Amy.

"Okay, you two have managed to survive many dares. But, we only have time for one more dare. And this dare goes to… Tails." Bill told the finalists. Tails groaned at the thought of more pain. "And this dare is different. If Tails doesn't complete the dare, Amy wins immunity and the prize. And if Tails completes the dare, he wins immunity and the prize." Bill announced. Tails went to the wheel to make it spin. After it stopped spinning, it landed on 'Nudity Is All The Rage.' Tails' eyes grew wider at the name of the dare. "What does that mean?" he asked nervously. Suddenly, Pidove was right next to the two-tailed fox with a chainsaw. "You have to get a haircut (or in your case, a 'furcut') from Pidove. Oh, and he's using a chainsaw." Bill explained. "Gee, I didn't notice." Tails said sarcastically while showing a hint of fear. Then, he was strapped to a chair. "Is this even legal?!" he screamed. Bill replied, "Relax. Pidove knows how to use a chainsaw." Sadly, that didn't calm Tails at all. He was trying to get off of the chair. Once Pidove was right by Tails, he screamed, "I QUIT!" Finally, Pidove turned off the chainsaw and let Tails go. The fox ran straight to the used-to-be Red cabin.

!

**Tails: {rocking back and forth}. That… wasn't cool. Bill is going… to die. I swear!**

!

"Okay, it looks like Amy won today's challenge." Bill announced as Amy cheered. "And your prize is… a pencil." Amy gave Bill a dirty look. "All that trouble for a *** damn pencil!" she yelled before throwing it at Bill's face. Bill had an annoyed look on his face. "And for the rest of you, it's time to vote off two contestants." Everyone screamed, "TWO CONTESTANTS?!" Bill explained, "That's right. Two of you will be leaving tonight. Happy voting."

!

**Ash: What an a**hole!**

!

**Sonic: Dude, that is NOT cool! Not cool at all!**

!

Finally, it was time to begin the very first elimination after the merge. Tails had received his marshmallow before it began. "Welcome, everyone. Isn't it nice to have all of you instead of a few people?" Bill asked. They all answered, "No!" Bill said, "My God! You guys are party poopers. Anyways, it's time to give out the marshmallows. Now the rules are still the same. If you get a marshmallow, you are safe. If you don't, you will be sent to a boat that will take you home. Oh, and you don't come back." Bill stopped talking for a few moments before saying, "The first marshmallow goes to… Bianca. Next is Silver, Snivy, Amy, Mandy, Oshawott, Ash, Mario, Cheren, and Axew." It was down to Luigi, Sonic, and Peach. "And so, three people are in the chopping block. However, only one will receive a marshmallow. This last marshmallow goes to…" Luigi looked like a total wreck, Sonic was praying, and Peach thought, "_I can't leave now! I just got back here!_" In the end, Bill said, "… Luigi." He breathed a heavy sigh of relief before taking what was rightfully his. "Sonic and Peach. It looks like you were booted. I feel bad for you two." Bill told the eliminated competitors. "I don't care. I hated this game!" Sonic said as he was out of the island in a heartbeat. "SO LONG, BITCHES!" Sonic's boat drove away from the island. Peach didn't ask for the reason for her elimination because she already knew. She casually went to her boat and got off of the island (for real, this time). "Well, it looks like the game is starting to heat up again. You guys can head back to your cabins. You are safe for another week." Bill told the 12 remaining contestants. However, once everyone arrived to the cabins, they saw that there were only two instead of four. "Yeah. We got rid of the other two. So now, you guys only have two. The ones living in the left cabin are Ash, Oshawott, Mandy, Snivy, Luigi, and Tails. The ones living in the right cabin are Axew, Cheren, Bianca, Amy, Silver, and Mario. Enjoy!" Bill explained. Every competitor went into their designated cabin. "Well, another episode comes to an end. With the merge underway, things at this island will start to get a lot more hard. Who will be eliminated next week? Will there be alliances? And will there be some more romance (since this show hasn't seen a whole bunch of that yet)? Tune in on the next episode of Retard Island to find out." Bill said as the episode ended.


	16. Chapter 16: A Suckish Treasure Hunt

Chapter 16: A Suckish Treasure (Er, Key) Hunt

Hours after Sonic and Peach's eliminations, the Green alliance were coming up with a plan. "Okay guys. Any ideas on who we should eliminate?" Ash asked his members. "Hang on a minute." Oshawott said. "You want to get rid of someone?" Ash asked, "Well isn't that the point in an alliance?" Oshawott replied, "Not exactly. Alliances can also help with making it farther in a competition. We don't have to go the evil way." Ash sighed, "Fine. We won't get rid of anyone."

!

**Ash: I'm kind of annoyed that my alliance has no plans on who to get out of the game. Oh well, I guess it'll have to do for this very moment.**

!

However, Tails was outside of the Left cabin. He heard everything that the alliance was saying.

!

**Tails: So, it looks like Ash has a little alliance. And with Oshawott and Mandy. If he thinks that his alliance is going to get far, well he has another thing coming his way.**

!

Then, Tails made a run for it once Ash left to use the facilities. The next day, he slipped a note under the Right cabin's front door. Mario noticed it before taking it. He saw that it was for Axew, Amy, and Bianca. "Reds! There's a note for you!" Mario yelled. The three used-to-be Reds went to where Mario was and opened the letter. On it said:

Dear Axew, Amy, and Bianca

_I want you three to meet me at the dock after lunch. There's something important that I must tell you. And I'll also have snacks._

Signed,

Miles "Tails" Prower

"Wait. His real name isn't Tails?" Axew asked Amy, who of which nodded their head. "Huh. I didn't know that." Axew said. After lunch, they did exactly what the note said. They met up with Tails under the dock. "I'm glad you made it." he said to Axew, Amy, and Bianca. "What do you want that's so important?" Bianca asked. Tails answered, "I just wanted to tell you something that's been… bothering me." Amy asked, "Like?" Tails replied, "Like how Ash is the leader of a three-member alliance." Everyone gasped. "I figured that no-good bastard was up to something!" Bianca yelled. "And that's why I want to ask this. Do you three want to be in an alliance with me? So we can take down Ash's alliance and the rest of the competition." Tails asked. Axew and Amy immediately agreed while Bianca thought about it.

!

**Bianca: I know about his little plan. He wants me, Axew, and Amy in an alliance, so he can stab us in the back when we least expect it. But, regardless, I joined his 'alliance.' And I'll make sure that I stab him before he stabs me.**

!

"Sure thing. I will happily join your alliance." Bianca said to Tails. "Good. I'm glad that you three can be a part of my alliance. So, what do we call it?" Tails said. Axew said, "How about Team Murderers. Because together, we will murder the competition." Tails agreed to Axew's idea. "It's official. Together we are Team Murderers." Tails announced.

!

**Tails: Perfect! I got them where I want them. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! {coughs heavily}. God, that hurts my throat.**

!

Once it was time for the next challenge, the Murderers had grins on their faces. "Wow! You four are extra happy today." Bill said to Tails, Axew, Amy, and Bianca. "We're going to have to change that. Today's challenge is… a key hunt!" Everyone raised an eyebrow at what Bill said. "See those treasure chests over there?" Bill asked the contestants as he pointed to 12 treasure chests. "Those weren't there 15 seconds ago." Cheren said. Bill continued with, "You guys have to find a key to open one of the 12 chests. And the best part is, you get to choose the chest. However, choose wisely because the chest you choose is the chest you're stuck with. It can give you an immunity pass, a random prize, or a one-way ticket to Loserville." Tails thought, "_Damn it! It's an automatic elimination challenge!_" Bill finished explaining the rules by saying, "And the challenge starts… now!" Everyone was gone and started searching for keys.

The Green alliance searched for their keys together. "If I were a key, where would I be?" Ash asked himself with slight annoyance. They've been searching the entire forest for half an hour, and no key was in sight. "Man! We're never going to find those damn keys!" Oshawott yelled as he kicked a rock, which hurt his foot. Fortunately, there was a key under the rock Oshawott kicked. "Good work, Oshawott. Keep kicking rocks!" Ash demanded. Eventually, the three Greens started kicking every rock in sight until they found one key for each of them. "Huh. Who knew that Bill would hide the keys under rocks?" Ash said as he and his alliance members headed back to where Bill was.

A few feet away from the Green alliance, Tails was peeking through some bushes. He headed back to his alliance. Once back, he told his group, "I just saw the Green alliance with keys in their hands. So, I'd start kicking rocks if I were you." His members didn't ask questions and started kicking every rock they saw. Several minutes later, they eventually found the keys they needed.

!

**Bill: Next time, if we have a challenge like this, I'm hiding the objects.**

!

Then, they headed back to Bill and gave him their keys. About 45 minutes later, everyone else found their keys. "Alright. Now that everyone has their keys, it's time to open the treasure chests. First up, Bianca." Bill said as he gave Bianca her key. She chose her chest and inside was a trumpet. "Yay. I've always wanted a trumpet." Bianca said sarcastically. "Next up, Oshawott." Bill said as he gave Oshawott's key to… well, Oshawott. Once he opened a chest, he took out a Samsung Galaxy SIII. "Awesome!" Oshawott yelled excitedly.

!

**Ash: Lucky bastard.**

!

Then, a montage began. Mario got some headphones, Cheren got a $50 gift card for iTunes, Mandy got a bag of potato chips, Tails got the immunity pass (to which he replied, "This is my lucky day."), Luigi got nothing (since he got a key that couldn't open any of the chests), Silver got an Atari 2600, Snivy got the controller for the Atari 2600, and Axew got some cologne. "And so, we are down to two players. Ash and Amy. You both have a 50/50 shot of staying in the game or leaving the game. Ash, open the chest of your choice." Bill said before handing Ash his key. The young man had a nervous look to him. It took him a minute, but he decided. Once he opened the chest, he pulled out… Wait for it. A one-way ticket to Loserville. "Oh f**k me in the ass!" he screamed out of pure rage. "Ooh, sorry Ash. It looks like you're leaving. Pack your bags and head on to your boat." Bill told Ash, who of which sighed in disappointment.

!

**Bianca: YES! It's about time that a**hole left!**

!

**Tails: All according to plan. Now I just sit back and watch the rest of his alliance crumble into nothing.**

!

After packing his bags, Ash stomped his way to the boat. But, his frustration soon turned into happiness once he saw his little buddy on the boat. "There you are!" said an eager Tepig. "Tepig!" Ash said as he was reunited with his eliminated pal. Finally, the boat rode to Loserville, and those two never stepped foot on this island again (until the season finale). "Well, it looks like after 93 days, the guy who booted Peach and Blossom got booted. And I'm pretty sure he's going to die once he gets to Loserville. Who's sorry ass will be eliminated next? Who will Tails target next? And will the Green alliance fall apart without Ash? Tune in next week to find out!" Bill said before the episode ended.


	17. Chapter 17: Worst Olympics Ever!

Chapter 17: Worst Olympics Ever!

After Ash was eliminated in the previous chapter, Oshawott was concerned. "Mandy, bear with me, okay." Oshawott asked. "Okay." Mandy agreed. "I'm starting to think that Ash wasn't eliminated due to bad luck. I think he was set up." Oshawott explained. Mandy's face grew uninterested (well, more uninterested than normal) at Oshawott's belief. "Really?" she asked. "Explain it to me. How do you think Ash was booted?" Oshawott answered, "I believe that Ash was told to pick a specific chest before he chose the chest." Mandy said, "Okay, that is just stupid. Even for you." Oshawott said with some aggravation in his voice, "Whatever. I'm going to get me some lunch." The otter left Mandy all alone. But what they didn't know was that Tails was listening to their entire conversation. "_Damn. How did the otter piece it together?_" he thought. Then, a flashback began.

As the Green alliance were heading back to Bill with keys in their hands, Tails stopped Ash. "Hey Ash." Tails told Ash. "What?" Ash asked. "I know the chest that holds the immunity pass." said the two-tailed fox. "Really?! Which one?" Ash asked desperately. Tails replied, "The one with an X on it." Ash yelled, "Awesome! Thanks Tails." Tails said, "You're welcome." Then, he started laughing maniacally. Finally, the flashback ended. Tails snuck back to where his alliance members were at.

!

**Tails: Next on my list, the otter. No one is going to reveal my true intentions. No one!**

!

Meanwhile, Axew, Amy, and Bianca were waiting for Tails to show up. Once he finally arrived, Axew asked, "What took you so long?" Tails lied, "I saw the Green alliance planning something. They're planning to get rid of me." Amy said, "Well, we can't just sit back and watch it all unfold. We got to do something!" Tails explained, "Exactly. That's why I have a plan to get rid of someone in that alliance." Bianca asked, "Like who?" Tails replied, "The otter." Axew asked, "You mean Oshawott?" Tails answered, "Yeah, him." He gathered his members and whispered his entire plan to them. After he finished explaining, Bill turned on the megaphone and announced, "Competitors! It's time to start another exciting challenge!"

Everyone went to an enormous stadium that was right by Bill's office. "How did we not notice this?!" Oshawott asked. "That's none of your business. Anyways, today's challenge is an Olympic-themed challenge." Bill said. "Let me guess. It has multiple parts, doesn't it?" Tails asked despite knowing the answer. "Yes. Yes it is. The first part is your standard 5k run." Bill replied. "And by 'standard', he means filled with mines." Tails whispered to his alliance members. "Ignoring that, the second part is javelin throw. And lastly, the third part is fencing. Oh, and you won't be wearing protection for the fencing part." Bill finished. The competitors gulped at the no-protection-for-the-fencing-part… part (that sounded dumb, I know). "Any questions?" Bill asked. No one rose their hand. "Good. Now we can get started." Bill said as the contestants took their places on the track. "On your marks… get set… GO!"

The competitors started running like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow. Some were doing well, some were doing crappy, and Mandy was just walking. "Aw man. I hate… the fact that… I have no legs." Oshawott complained in between pants. "You can… say that… again." Axew agreed in between pants. Three minutes later, everyone passed the finish line. "Alright. Now that everyone has crossed, let's see the results."

1st: Snivy

2nd: Tails

3rd: Amy

4th: Luigi

5th: Mario

6th: Silver

7th: Bianca

8th: Cheren

9th: Axew

10th: Oshawott

Last: Mandy

"Now we enter the next part of our challenge. The javelin throw!" Bill said as he pushed a button. Suddenly, the track was flipped upside down, revealing a huge field (perfect for the throwing of javelins). "You do realize that the field in the middle of the track was good enough, right?" Cheren asked. "I know. But then I wouldn't be able to push this button. Moving on to the challenge. Since giving each of you three turns would take too long (and that would probably hurt the author's fingers), we're only giving you one try. First up, Mandy." Bill said. Mandy took her javelin and headed for the starting line. However, she didn't run like the last part. She walked all the way to the foul line, stopped, and threw it 90 yards.

!

**Tails: Okay, the otter can wait. I need to get rid of her NOW!**

!

"Next up, Oshawott." Bill said as Oshawott took his javelin. Unfortunately, the javelin was too heavy, and it crushed the poor otter. "You're kidding, right? It only weighs 5 pounds!" Bill yelled. But, Oshawott got back up, ran to the foul line, and threw the javelin. Sadly, it only went 6 inches. "F**k me!" he yelled as Bill told Axew that it was his turn. He picked up his javelin and ran to the foul line before throwing it 50 yards. Afterwards, it was Cheren's turn. He was thinking about his throw. Then, he ran before stopping right by the foul line and throwing the javelin at an embarrassing 2 yards. "It could be worse." he said before heading back. "Next on the starting line is Bianca." Bill said. The teenage girl took her javelin and just threw it without even running. It landed at the 25-yard mark. "Not bad. Next!" Bill said before Silver took the starting line. Since he couldn't use psychic powers, he started to run. Unfortunately, he tripped and fell face first. Double unfortunately, one of his hands was in front of the foul line. "FOUL!" Pidove yelled. Silver groaned while his face was still on the ground. "Up next is Mario." Bill said. Unexpectedly, a javelin appeared out of nowhere at the 75-yard mark. "Done." Mario said. "Okay. Anyways, it's your turn Luigi." Bill said with wide eyes. However, Luigi did the exact same thing as Mario. The only difference is that the javelin landed on the 65-yard mark. "Like I said before, okay. Amy, it's your turn." Bill said with eyes even wider than before.

Amy picked up her javelin and started running. Sadly, she accidentally went over the foul line. "FOUL!" Pidove yelled. Amy groaned in disappointment. "Next up, it's Miles." Bill said mockingly. "It's Tails!" the two-tailed fox yelled.

!

**Tails: Douche bag.**

!

After that little moment, Tails started heading towards the penalty line. However, along the way, he forgot that Silver's javelin was in the way. It caught one of Tails' tails (ha, funny), which caused him to let go of his javelin. The javelin landed on the penalty line. "Damn it!" screamed an angry Tails. Once he made it back to where everyone else was, Snivy finally took the starting line. Within seconds, she was already a few feet from the penalty line. She threw her javelin an amazing 90.5 yards. "Snivy wins again!" Bill announced. The other competitors groaned. "And with that, she wins immunity!" "WHAT?!" everyone screamed. "The reason, you ask? She'll most likely win the fencing challenge, so what's the point in doing it. Anyways, Snivy is safe from elimination, and everyone else isn't. Meet me at the elimination ceremony later on tonight." Bill said as everyone left the stadium.

Later that day, it was time to eliminate someone. "Here we are once again. Eleven competitors, but only ten of you will be staying on this island. And since I'm not in the mood for anything dramatic, let's just say that Mandy is eliminated." Bill said. Mandy wasn't surprised that she was voted off. She took her stuff and left the island. "Congratulations! You guys are the final 10. You can head back to your cabins now. You are safe for another week." The remaining contestants walked to their designated cabins. "Once again, an episode comes to an end. With 10 competitors left, things will probably get a lot more interesting. Who will be sent to Loserville next week? Find out on the next episode of… Retard… Island!"


	18. Chapter 18: It's Bowling Time!

Chapter 18: It's Bowling Time!

With Mandy gone, Oshawott was about to have a heart attack. "_Dear God, this is bad! Someone is tearing the alliance into tiny pieces!_" the otter thought while pacing back and forth. You see, being by yourself in a game like this can be scary. And because of that, Oshawott can't stay still for more than a minute. He tried to come up with a plan. A plan that would save his butt from being eliminated (if he didn't win immunity). Then, after a couple of minutes, he came up with something. It wasn't a pretty one, but he had a plan. "_I'm going to pull an Ash on that two-tailed bastard_." he thought before laughing maniacally. Unfortunately, a bug flew into his mouth. "Damn it." he coughed.

Meanwhile, the Murderers were having the time of their lives. "Amazing job, fellow murderers. Thanks to our votes, another Green member was sent packing." Tails said to his fellow alliance members.

!

**Tails: Now that the Green alliance is pretty much gone, I can begin planning my revenge on my backstabbing teammates. They won't know what hit them.**

!

Later on that day, the contestants found themselves in a bowling alley. "Why am I not surprised?" Oshawott asked himself. "Welcome competitors!" Bill said. "As you can probably tell, today's challenge is a simple game of bowling." Tails asked, "What? No catches?" Bill replied, "Yep. No catches whatsoever. Just a normal game of bowling. Oh, and one more thing. Since a 10-lane game will take too long (because there's 10 of you), we'll just do a 5-line game instead. So, grab a ball and let's get started."

Once everyone got their balls, the challenge began. Since they were going in alphabetical order, Amy was first. It looked like she was going to get a strike on her first try. However, at the last second, the ball stopped. "What the?!" Amy yelled. Then, the ball was somehow in the gutter. "I hate physics." Amy said. Once her ball came back, she threw the ball and the same thing happened again. "What the f**k?!" Amy yelled again. But it turns out that Tails had a remote control behind his back. You see, before everyone got their bowling balls, he secretly put something in each of his alliance members' balls. "Suckers." Tails said under his breath.

Now it was time for Axew to play. However, when Axew threw his ball, it started bouncing. "Bill! You said that there was no catch to this challenge!" Axew yelled. "Don't blame this whole thing on me! It was Pidove that GOT the bowling balls in the first place." Bill said defensively. Fortunately, the bouncing ball got Axew a strike. "What's up with this thing?" Tails asked himself under his breath.

But, it just got worse from there. When it was Bianca's turn, the remote didn't even respond to a dang thing Tails requested. Bianca was able to hit 9 pins on her first try, and she got the last one on her second try, earning her a spare. "Stupid remote!" Tails screamed through gritted teeth as he punched the remote several times.

!

**Tails: Remind me not to buy a remote from Wal-Mart for as long as I live.**

!

And here's the thing. It wasn't that the remote was just refusing to work. It was that Bianca knew about the fox's plan. Once she obtained her ball, she secretly took the chip out of the ball and flushed it down a nearby toilet. "He thinks he's so smart. We'll see who the smarter backstabber is once this challenge is over." Bianca said to herself.

!

**Bianca: It wasn't that hard to figure out. I'm used to dealing with Ash's antics, so this isn't new to me. Wait until you see the look on his face. I can tell you that it won't be a pretty sight.**

!

"Okay, this is going to take forever. So, it's time for a montage!" Bill said. "Oh no!" everyone said at once. And so, we begin yet another montage.

Cheren got 9 points on the first lane, 8 on the second lane, 20 points on the third lane, another 20 points on the fourth lane, and 30 points on the fifth lane, making his overall score 87 points. Luigi got 5 points on the first and second lanes, 7 points on the third and fourth lanes, and got 15 points on the fifth lane, making his overall score 39 points. Mario got 20 points on the first four lanes, and got 49 points on the fifth lane, totaling up to 129 points. Oshawott got 2 points on the first three lanes, 1 point on the fourth lane, and no points on the fifth lane, giving him a total score of… 7 points. "F**k this!" he yelled. Silver got 5 points on the first four lanes, and 15 points on the fifth lane, which got him a total of 35 points. "It's like I'm married to the number 5. Right?" he said as Snivy went up to play.

!

**Silver: *kissing an oversized five*. What? Love comes in all forms. Don't judge me!**

!

Snivy got the same score as Mario (yeah, I'm not kidding). Tails went up to bowl, but every time he threw the ball (even if he was going to get a strike), it ended up in the gutter (pretty much like Amy on her first lane). And because of that, he got a total of 0 points. "*** damn it!" he screamed as he kicked his bowling ball. On her last four lanes, Amy got 1 point, 3 points, 2 points, and 2 points, bringing her score up to 8 points. With Axew, he got 20 points on the second and third lanes, 10 points on the fourth lane, and 60 points on the fifth lane, getting him a total of 130 points (mostly due to the fact that his ball was still bouncing, which got on Tails' nerves). And finally, Bianca got 20 points on every throw except for the third try in the fifth lane. On that one, she got 5 points. And overall, her score was 115 points, which pissed Tails off. "F**k this remote!" he screamed through gritted teeth before slamming the remote to the ground. Unfortunately, everyone was looking at him. "Uh… hey there." he said nervously. Then, they stopped looking at him as soon as they started staring at him. "And it looks like we have a winner… Axew!" Bill announced. Axew was jumping up and down in enjoyment. "As for the rest for you, you'll have to vote out one of your competitors. Happy voting!" Bill said as he grabbed Pidove by the neck (if he has a neck). "We need to talk." he whispered as he was gritting his teeth.

At their cabins, everyone was discussing about tonight's elimination. In the Right cabin, they talked about one person in particular. "I don't know if it's just me, but I think that Tails is acting suspicious." Mario said. "Yeah, I agree. Especially during today's challenge." Silver agreed. Axew tried to change the subject by saying, "Come on, guys. That ridiculous." Silver said to Axew, "Give me a break. Everyone saw him act the way he acted at the end of the challenge. I'm sorry, but I can't trust him anymore. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the facilities." The hedgehog with hair shaped like marijuana left the cabin to go to the bathroom. "Now that he mentioned it, I need to use the bathroom too." Mario said as he followed Silver. "Come on, Cheren. Please tell me that you don't believe this nonsense." Axew asked Cheren. "Uh… I got somewhere to be right now. Bye!" Cheren said as he also left the cabin. "Oh, this is bad. We got to do something before Tails get booted." Axew said to his female alliance members. "I'm sorry Axew, but there isn't anything we can do." Amy said disappointingly. Axew sighed heavily at the thought of his alliance leader being voted off. Then, something hit him.

!

**Axew: Why didn't I see it before?! Amy is nothing but a traitor. So, I must do something about it. But what?**

!

Hours later, it was time to send someone packing. "Welcome to another elimination ceremony!" Bill said. "And I can tell you that-" "Just get to the point! We already know who's leaving." Silver said. "_That's what you think._" Bill thought. "The first marshmallow goes to Axew for obvious reasons." As Axew got his marshmallow, Bill paused. Afterwards, he said, "The next 7 go to Silver, Mario, Bianca, Snivy, Cheren, Luigi, and Oshawott. And finally, we are down to the final two. Amy and Tails." Both nominees yelled, "WHAT?!" Bill said, "That's right. You two are… well, the bottom two. And with this marshmallow, there will be one person who will hop onto their boat without a marshmallow. This final marshmallow goes to…" Amy was biting her nails (despite wearing gloves) while Tails' eyes were wide due to fear of being booted. "… Tails." Everyone gasped at the results of tonight's elimination. "Too bad Amy. It looks like you lost. Trust me, I'm just as shocked as you." Bill told Amy before she headed to her boat. "Oh well. At least I get to see Sonic again." Amy said. In 10 seconds, she was off the island. On the boat, she got a surprise. "Sonic!" Amy cheered as she started hugging and kissing him. "F**k my life!" Sonic yelled (who of which was strapped onto a chair by duct tape).

With the Murderers, they were wondering on how Amy got eliminated. "I don't get it. How on Earth was Amy booted?" Bianca asked her alliance members. "I'm as confused as you are." Tails said truthfully (for once). "Guys. I have something to tell you." Axew said. "What?" Tails asked. Then, the little dragon told what really happened.

!

**Axew: *enters the confessional with a box filled with the contestants' votes*. *takes out a screwdriver and opens the locked box*. Amy thinks that she can betray the alliance. *throws out the real votes and replaces them with fake ones*. Well, she has something else coming her way. This is what you get for being a backstabbing bitch.**

!

"No way!" Bianca said with doubt. "You're serious, right?" Tails asked with doubt. "I'm serious! Amy was trying to betray the alliance." Axew said.

!

**Tails: *laughing out loud*. What a f**king dumbass! I didn't even have to get my hands dirty. *sighs happily*. This was a lot easier than I thought.**

!

"Well, as long as you saved the alliance, you did good to me." Tails told Axew. The fox yawned and told his remaining alliance members that he was going to get some rest. And as that happened, the camera went back to Bill. "Wow! I bet some of you didn't see that coming. Anyways, who will be sent home next week? Will Axew have to sabotage another alliance member? And will Tails keep his behavior under control? Find out on the next episode of… Retard… Island!" he said to the camera as it was turned off.


	19. Chapter 19: An Unexpected Double Murder

Chapter 19: An Unexpected Double Murder

As the cameras turn on for the 19th consecutive time, they show Oshawott in thought. "_Wow. I honestly didn't expect that. Poor Amy._" the otter said in his mind. "_Maybe that fox is going to leave me alone now. Wait a minute! What the hell am I thinking?! He's probably thinking of a plan to boot me at this very moment!_" As he thought on, his thoughts got more paranoid than the last.

Meanwhile, the Murderers were seen at their usual spot. Despite not having Amy anymore, the three member alliance were still going strong. "Despite having to eliminate one of our own, we still got rid of a dangerous threat." Tails told his two alliance members. "You can say that again." Axew agreed. Also, thanks to that little mishap, Axew was promoted to being Tails' right hand man. And their plans have nothing to do with Oshawott (despite not having a plan to begin with). "But wait. Who's the biggest threat now that Amy's gone?" Axew asked his leader. Tails thought about what Axew asked for a few moments.

!

**Bianca: I bet it's getting rid of me. Now that Axew's his partner in crime, I'm, without a doubt, Tails' next target.**

!

Then, he answered the question by saying (in a lying fashion), "Our next target is Silver. He just leaves a horrible taste in my mouth every time I see him." Axew asked, "What gives it away?" Tails lied, "I don't know. Maybe it's the way he secretly grins during challenges. Or maybe it's the fact that he tries to look like a complete loser. But in reality, he's an evil mastermind."

!

**Bianca: Oh, the poor soul. His lies just keep on getting more obscure by the minute. It's sad that Axew believes it all. And if I try to tell him otherwise, I'll end up like Amy. So, I guess there isn't a thing I can do. *sighs heavily*.**

!

**Tails: This is perfect! The dumb little dragon is practically my slave. This game just keeps getting easier and easier.**

!

"Yeah. Now that you said it, that hedgehog was always suspicious-looking." Axew agreed. "Okay. It's official. Today's target is Silver." Tails said before heading back to his cabin.

Unfortunately, a certain someone was listening to everything. "I knew that fox couldn't be trusted!" said an angry Silver. He ran away from the alliance's headquarters and back to his cabin. Then, he came with a devious plan. "_When the right time comes, I should stab that no-good bastard in the back. But when should I do it?_"

Later on that same day, it was time to begin another grueling challenge. And this time, it will truly be grueling. The contestants arrived to a train station found near the dock. Everyone was staring at Oshawott as if they knew something. "What?" Oshawott asked. "Isn't this the part where you ask how none of us noticed something like this before?" Mario asked, annoying Oshawott in the process. "I'm used to it at this point." Oshawott answered. "Welcome to the Retard Express!" Bill greeted. "Come on in!" Everyone stepped into the train. Inside was everything you'd see in a train. But, since that would take a lot longer for me to type, just search for it on Google Images. "Well. I can tell you one thing. It looks like a train's inside, and not something Bill and Pidove would come up with." Silver said. "Today's challenge is a fairly simple one. You have to-" Bill said before the lights went out. "AAAAAHHHHH!" screeched two voices. As the lights came back on, Bill and Pidove were on the ground dead. "AAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Cheren (like a little girl, might I add). "Oh my God!" Luigi yelled. (*Author's Note*. This scene is EXTREMELY graphic. So if you are weak in the stomach, I would skip the next paragraph if I were you.).

Bill's corpse was missing a head. A few feet away, the host's head was found, leaving a trail of blood from where his head rolled away to. On the other hand, Pidove's corpse had a head. However, that doesn't mean that it wasn't graphic. The bird's internal organs were all over the floor. Yeah, it's not a pretty sight.

"Okay, that's just racist." Luigi randomly blurted out. Everyone gave him a look. "What do you mean?" Mario asked. "What the hell do you think I mean?! The black bird got the worse death than the white host. Don't tell me that isn't racist in the slightest." Luigi replied rudely. "Okay. Jeez, you didn't have to talk like that." Mario said.

Moments later, the competitors eventually found out the cause of Bill and Pidove's deaths. "From the looks of it, Bill died of decapitation, and Pidove died of disembowelment. And by looking at their cuts, the weapon was… a butter knife." Cheren explained. "A butter knife? Gee, that's really creative." Tails said sarcastically. "Well, what the hell are we waiting for? Let's find this knife before one of us ends up like Bill and Pidove." Luigi said with fear clear in his voice. Right after he said that, everyone left the crime scene and went searching for a bloody butter knife.

An hour later, no one had found the accursed knife. "Oh my God! How hard is it to find a damn knife?!" Oshawott asked angrily. "Well, whoever we're dealing with, he or she isn't a dumbass." Bianca said. Suddenly, Bianca tripped on something. "What did I trip on?!" she asked. When she and Oshawott looked, they saw a tiny gap on the floor. Once the tile covering the gap was removed, it revealed a hidden staircase. "Why is there a staircase in the middle of an aisle?" Oshawott asked. "No clue. Let's go in." Bianca answered. "Whoa there! YOU can go in, but I'm not. Bye." Oshawott said as he left Bianca alone. "Pansy." Bianca said as she headed down the stairs.

As she got to the bottom, she found herself in a room. In this room, there were pieces of paper all over this desktop right in front of Bianca. She grabbed a sheet of paper and read everything that was written on it. It revealed a devious plot to kill everyone on the island. "Dear God." she whispered to herself. And right by this piece of paper was the knife that killed Bill and Pidove. "_I better skedaddle before it's too late._" Bianca thought to herself. Sadly, it was too late. When she reached the top of the staircase, the exit was blocked. Even worse, the exit was glued shut. "You've got to be kidding me!" she yelled. Then, a mysterious figure was right behind her. A hand grabbed Bianca by the mouth and dragged her down to the room. As this person grabbed the knife, Bianca screeched one last screech.

Meanwhile, everyone else was still searching for the knife when they heard Bianca's screech. "I tried to warn her." Oshawott said. Everyone ran to where the screech came from. Oshawott tried to lift the tile that revealed the hidden staircase, but it wouldn't budge. "Uh, Oshawott. I'm pretty sure that tile is going nowhere." Tails said. "But, there was a hidden staircase under THIS tile. I swear it!" Oshawott told his competitors, who of which looked at him like he lost his marbles. "Yep. You have officially lost it this time." Snivy pointed out. "F**k you!" Oshawott yelled. Unexpectedly, the lights went out again. Once they came back on, half of the 8 remaining contestants were gone. "Are you serious?!" Oshawott asked angrily. "Okay. This isn't funny anymore. S-Show yourself c-coward!" Luigi stuttered while shaking like he was having a seizure. As if it was expected, the killer didn't respond. "This is bad. This is very, very bad. WHAT DO WE DO?!" Luigi asked, who of which was freaking out. "Alright everyone. Let's not lose anymore of our marbles. Now, we need to find this murderer as soon as possible." Cheren said while trying to keep the situation under control. "And how are we going to do that?" Oshawott asked. "It's simple. We… um… uh… you know, I didn't think I'd get this far." Cheren said with embarrassment. "So you don't have a plan?" Oshawott asked again. "No." Cheren answered with the same amount of embarrassment as his last statement. "We're dead." Luigi said.

!

**Luigi: I never thought that I would die like this. I'm scared.**

!

**Cheren: I need to learn to have a plan in advance before trying to keep a seemingly-hopeless situation under control.**

!

Meanwhile, in some room, Bianca had just woken up. "Oh God. My heads hurts." she said holding her hands on her head. "You and everyone else." said a strange voice. "Tails? What are you doing here? And where are we?" Bianca asked. "You, me, Mario, Silver, and Axew are stuck in this room until the challenge is over." Tails answered. "_I knew Bill and Pidove weren't actually dead._" Bianca thought. "So, um, all of us are trapped in this room until someone wins the challenge?" Tails replied, "Yep." Bianca said under her breath, "Figures."

At this point, this 'murder' was taking a toll on most of the remaining contestants. Luigi had pretty much lost all of his sanity, Oshawott was getting paranoid, Snivy couldn't trust the others, and Cheren (for some odd reason) was still acting calm. "_Who could've murdered Bill and Pidove?_" Cheren thought. "_It couldn't have been any of us. I mean, we may not like either of them, but we wouldn't go as far as killing them. So it was someone else. But who?_" Then, the nerd finally came up with a solution.

!

**Cheren: After putting all of the pieces together, I have finally found the true killer.**

!

"GUYS!" Cheren yelled. The other three survivors ran to Cheren. "What is it?" Oshawott asked. "I think I have an idea on who killed the two hosts." Cheren answered. "Oh great. First the plumber lost his marbles, and now you've lost your marbles. I'm out of here." Snivy said before leaving. "But I'm serious. I really do have a conclusion." Cheren said while trying to convince Snivy, with failed results. "Anyways, I believe that it wasn't any of us. I believe that it was someone who got booted." Luigi asked, "Who exactly?" Cheren replied, "Well, according to my knowledge, it was Ash." Suddenly, alarms started going off and confetti was falling to the floor. "Congratulations, Cheren! You have won today's challenge." Bill announced as he walked out of a hidden door. "So you're not dead?" Luigi asked. "Of course not! Who would want to kill this?" Bill replied. "And for the rest of you, it is time to sent someone packing. Oh, and one more thing." Bill grabbed his handy megaphone and yelled, "Ash! You can stop trying to 'kill' the competitors now!" Ash popped out of a nearby trash can and complained, "Aw man."

!

**Tails: Perfect! Thanks to the nerd winning today's challenge, I can get rid of one of my 'alliance' members. This'll be great!**

!

At the Murderers' headquarters, they were discussing on how to boot Silver. "I say we do the good old-fashioned switch-of-the-votes. I did it last week, and it worked out well." Axew suggested. "True. But, let's not do that. In fact, let's take another approach." Tails said. "Like what?" Bianca asked. Tails answered (while pretending to not have a good plan), "Let's see. Uh… how about we… frame him for something." Axew agreed, "Hmm. Sounds good. But how do we frame him?" Tails replied, "That's up to you." Axew asked, "Wait, why me?" Tails answered, "Because you are good at lying. I mean, you were just talking about it a couple of moments ago." Axew agreed, "True. Okay, I'll do it." At that moment, the alliance split up.

By the time of tonight's elimination ceremony, Axew had his plan set. He whispered something bad about Silver in everyone's ears to make sure that he would get booted. However, what Axew didn't know was that after everyone voted, Tails took the box full of votes and replaced the real votes with phonies.

Moments later, the ceremony began. "Well, it looks like it's time for another elimination ceremony. And I can already tell you that Cheren isn't leaving. So, the first marshmallow of the night goes to… Luigi." Bill said as he handed Luigi his marshmallow. "Oshawott, Snivy, Mario, Bianca, and Tails. And with that, we are down to our two finalists. Axew and Silver. Who's going to leave, and who's going to stay? Only this final… wait a minute. There are no more marshmallows." Both Axew and Silver gasped at what Bill said. "And because of that, the both of you are heading to Loserville. So, adios amigos." Bill said as he grabbed two suitcases with Axew and Silver's names on them. "I can't believe this! I understand Silver leaving, but why was I voted off?! Do something, Tails!" Axew yelled. Everyone was looking at Tails. "What? I don't even know what he's talking about." Tails lied. Axew gasped. "You set me up!" the little dragon screamed before running straight for the two-tailed fox. Just when it looked like that Axew was going to give it to Tails, Mario and Cheren were grabbing his stubby arms. Then, they threw him in his boat. "Well, why was I eliminated?" Silver asked. "Don't act like you don't know!" Luigi yelled. "But I don't." Silver swore. "And even if I did, who told you?" Luigi answered, "Axew." Silver's eyes widened in shock. Then, his eyes quickly went from shock to anger as he stomped his way to the boat. Once the boat left, everyone could hear screams of pure torture. "As for you guys, you are safe for another week." Bill told the remaining 7. "So, we are at the end of another episode. Jeez. This show flies by when there's drama going on. Regardless, who will be eliminated next week? Will Tails backstab Bianca before Bianca can backstab Tails? And how will this game go now that everyone kind of knows about Tails' alliance? Find out on another thrilling episode of… Retard… Island!"


	20. Chapter 20: Carpentry For Dummies

Chapter 20: Carpentry For Dummies

After that incident that occurred in last week's elimination ceremony, Tails' level of trustworthiness went downhill. In fact, it was so bad that Bianca left the alliance for good, confirming that the Murderers alliance was no more.

!

**Bianca: I knew that fox was bad news from the minute he took his first step on the island since his first elimination. I FREAKING KNEW IT!**

!

**Tails: My situation may seem bleak, but I came prepared for this kind of issue. And honestly, I really wasn't expecting Silver's elimination. Oh well. That just means I'm another step closer to the $1,000,000.**

!

In his room, Tails was thinking of a devious plan. Now that he was on his own, he can do whatever he wanted to do. The fox knew that today's challenge was building things, so he decided to sabotage his opponents in various ways. And to clearly show his distaste for certain contestants, some of those sabotages will be more brutal than others. And by certain contestants, I mean Bianca and Oshawott. "_I'll teach that arrogant bitch a good lesson for ditching the alliance. And as for the otter, I'll teach him to not try to reveal my true colors._" Tails thought before laughing maniacally. Outside of his room, Snivy yelled, "Shut up!" Tails yelled back, "No you shut up!"

Meanwhile, in her room, Bianca was also thinking of a plan. But this wouldn't involve sabotaging her competitors. This would involve sabotaging Tails specifically. "_I know what that fox is thinking. He's coming up with a plan that will cause me to lose today's challenge (whatever it is). So, if he thinks he's going to win this challenge so easily, he has no idea for what's in store for him._" Bianca thought. Suddenly, there was a knock on her bedroom door. "Come in." she told the person knocking at her door. When the door opened, it turned out that it was Oshawott. "Oshawott? What are you doing in the Right cabin?" Bianca asked the otter. "There's something I want to talk to you about." Oshawott said. "You're in love with Snivy?" Bianca asked teasingly. Oshawott grew an annoyed look before answering, "No. What I'm asking for is this." He walked towards Bianca's ear and whispered, "Do you want to be in a temporary alliance with me?" Bianca whispered, "A temporary alliance? Weren't you in an alliance?" Oshawott answered quietly, "Yes, but it didn't last long. Also, how did you know that I was in an alliance?" Bianca replied quietly, "I was also in an alliance. It consisted of me and my Red teammates (except for Johnny and Chowder). The only reason I joined was because if I didn't, I probably would've been booted. And that I can stab Tails in the back when the time was right. At first, we targeted you and your alliance so that we wouldn't get caught. Then, when it was just you, Tails started to turn on us." Oshawott was wide on the eyes when he heard everything Bianca told him.

!

**Oshawott: I got to admit. Bianca's a really smart player. *whispers*. But don't tell that to Ash. He'll get pissed.**

!

"I was right all along. Tails IS responsible for Ash and Mandy's eliminations." Oshawott said in shock while still whispering. "Actually, Mandy was booted for being a threat in competitions. But you are right when it comes to Ash." Bianca whispered. "So, what do you say? Will you be in my alliance?" Oshawott offered. Bianca answered, "Sure." Oshawott said cheerfully, "Great. And once we get rid of Tails, we can dissolve this alliance." Bianca said, "Sounds good to me." Finally, Oshawott left Bianca's room.

!

**Bianca: I know that I can trust Oshawott because he hasn't done anything bad towards other contestants. Well, except for accidentally bumping into Snivy's boat on the first episode. But, besides that, his records are squeaky clean. *sighs happily*. I can already see the look on Tails' face when he gets the boot… again.**

!

Not too far from the two cabins, Bill was driving a dump truck. "Time to let it pour." the host said as he pulled a lever, causing all of the trash inside the truck to fall onto the two cabins. Unfortunately, the windows were open and some of the trash went inside the cabins. Once all of the trash was dumped, the cabins now looked like a city dump. Tails barged out of his cabin full of filthy garbage. Then, he screamed, "YOU ARE A F**KING A**HOLE!" Bill said with sarcasm clear in his voice, "Thank you, Tails. That's really kind of you."

!

**Tails: *making a wanted poster with Bill's face on it*. If anyone I'm competing against has the balls to kill this man, I will personally pay them $100,000.**

!

Then, the others were walking out of the now-dirty cabins. "Just when Bill couldn't get anymore douchy, he tops himself every time." Snivy said. "I couldn't have said that better myself." Mario agreed. Bill said, "Good afternoon, contestants. My, isn't it a lovely day?" Oshawott yelled, "No! We just got garbage dumped all over us! No thanks to you, jackass!" Bill said, "Uh oh. Someone slept on the wrong side of the bed last night. Anyways, it's time to begin today's challenge." Luigi asked, "Does it involve cleaning up? Because if it is, I'm going back to my dump of a room." Bill answered, "No. Today's challenge is… carpentry! Or in simpler terms, building stuff." The competitors were looking at each other in confusion. Is Bill making them do a challenge that doesn't sound like it's going to seriously hurt them? "Okay. What's the catch?" Luigi asked. "Catch? There is no catch. All you have to do is make a hotel that me, Pidove, and the interns can use. The person with the coolest hotel wins immunity. So, I would get started if I were you." Bill replied. "Wait." Oshawott burst out of nowhere. "What?" Bill asked with slight annoyance in his voice. "You expect us to build a hotel with all this garbage?!" Oshawott asked while pointing at the dump. "You don't see Tails and Cheren complaining, do you?" Bill asked. Oshawott didn't get what Bill was asking. But, when he turned around, he saw that the two geniuses were already making their hotels. "Like I said, get building! You only have 5 hours." Bill said as he left for his office.

!

**Oshawott: Five hours?! Bill expects us to be done with a half-decent hotel in five freaking hours?! Where's that wanted poster?**

!

Thirty minutes in, everyone had begun working on their hotels. Tails and Cheren were already building a 4th floor, Mario started building his 3rd floor, Luigi was halfway through his 2nd floor, Snivy was almost done with her 1st floor, Bianca was halfway through her 1st floor, and Oshawott didn't even have a wall set up. "*** damn it! Why can't I find anything that stays still?!" the otter screamed. He tried every kind of wall-like material. He tried to use bricks, but once he was getting into it, there were no more bricks. Wood was given a chance, but it always fell over (even if Oshawott glued it to the ground). Then, it was metal's turn. Sadly, the weather prevented the metal from staying in a spot for too long. After trying cement, Oshawott gave up. "I quit. I refuse to do this challenge." he said as he headed back to his cabin.

After Oshawott left, Tails thought that it was the perfect time to do some sabotaging. He took a bag out of his fur pocket. This bag was full of stuff that could easily ruin a good hotel. However, before he could actually use it on his opponents, he tested out a paint grenade on his own hotel. Within seconds, the hotel was covered in blotches of yellow paint. "It works perfectly." Tails said under his breath. Then, he took precautionary measures by covering the rest of his hotel in yellow paint. Afterwards, he thought, "_It's time to bring their hotels to the ground_."

Tails started his spree of backstabbing on Mario. He took an attachable bomb out of his bag and stuck it on the bottom wall of Mario's wall (aka, the first floor). On the third floor, Mario was putting the finishing touches. Suddenly, his hotel started to tilt. And within seconds, the plumber's hotel was as good as gone. "What the heck?!" Mario yelled. Back with Tails, he was trying to hold in a laugh. "_This challenge will be a breeze!_" he thought.

As these moments of pure destruction unravel, more and more contestants' hotels were brought down. Many of them were getting pissed at this. And by the time the 4-hour mark came, Tails and Cheren were the only ones who were getting anything done (Tails decided to not ruin Cheren's hotel because he didn't want to look suspicious).

Unfortunately, for most of the contestants, they couldn't finish their hotels in time. "Okay. It's time for inspection." Bill announced as he, Pidove, and some interns showed up. When they saw that most of the contestants' hotels weren't even close to being done, Bill got somewhat aggravated. "Okay, since most of you got lazy, and Tails' hotel looks more appealing than Cheren's, Tails wins immunity." In the fox's mind, he yelled, "_YES_!" Then, Bill asked, "Wait a minute. Where's Oshawott?" Mario answered, "Oh, he quit the challenge 30 minutes in. I think he's in his bedroom." Once Bill made it to the cabins, he wasn't expecting them to be clean. "Hmm. That's cool, I suppose. Now, everyone except Tails will be facing elimination tonight. See you guys later." the host said.

When everyone was talking about tonight's elimination, they only had one thing in mind… the reason for their hotels crumbling apart. "I don't know what happened at today's challenge, but I know that those hotels didn't fall on their own. So, someone on this island is a backstabbing troublemaker." Cheren told his cabin mates. "Yeah. Now that you mention it, I think I did see someone trying to sabotage everybody." Tails said while trying to not look suspicious. "You know something? What did this crook look like?" Cheren asked. Tails lied, "The figure was too fast for me to get a good look at he/she." Cheren ended the discussion by saying, "Well, until we find our criminal, I guess we'll just have to vote someone else out." Everyone except Tails left to use the restroom. "_Now's the time to get rid of that no-good otter_." he thought. He grabbed the bag that he used to sabotage his fellow competitors with and went into Oshawott's room. Then, he opened a window and dropped the bag from there. Finally, he shut the window and left Oshawott's room.

After using the facilities, Bianca, Cheren, and Oshawott returned to the Left cabin. However, Tails was waiting for them. "Hey Tails." Cheren greeted. "Guys. I found something. Something that can answer the question on who sabotaged the other players." Tails told his cabin mates. "What did you find?" Cheren asked. "This." Tails replied as he revealed the same bag he ditched earlier. His cabin mates saw that the bag was full of stuff that was perfect for ruining hotels. "Tails. Where on Earth did you find that?" Cheren asked. "Oh, this. I found it outside of Oshawott's bedroom. And what's strange is that Oshawott's name is on the bag." Tails answered while slightly raising his voice near the end of his sentence. Everyone gasped at what was revealed. "So, you sabotaged everyone on today's challenge?" Cheren asked Oshawott with disappointment clear in his voice. "NO!" Oshawott yelled. "Oshawott, I did not raise you to be a lying troublemaker. And to think, I was proud of you for making it this far in the game. But I was wrong." Cheren said with even more disappointment. "But. But." Oshawott groaned angrily.

Hours later, it was time to send someone packing. "Good evening, contestants. It's time to send someone to Loserville. However, I have ran out of marshmallows." Bill said. "Aw man." Luigi complained. "So, I've decided to do things a little bit differently. And with that, let's get this over with. You have all voted, and now it's time to see who you guys chose to be eliminated." Bill said as he stopped talking for a few moments. The silence was killing the contestants. "By a vote of 5-2-0-nada-nothing-zip, Oshawott, you have been eliminated from Retard Island." Oshawott was not surprised that he was getting the boot. He took his stuff and got off of the island. "And for everyone else, head back to your cabins. You are safe for another week." The final 6 left the ceremony and headed to their designated cabins. "So, we are down to 6 competitors. With only four more eliminations to go, we are nearing the end of the season. Who will not make it to the final 5? Will Tails ever be eliminated? Find out next week on another episode of… Retard… Island!"


	21. Chapter 21: I'm Handcuffed To An Ahole

Chapter 21: I'm Handcuffed To An A**hole

After 128 days on the island, the 6 remaining contestants got to sleep in. All of them were dreaming about the $1,000,000 grand prize and what they would do with it.

Starting things off with Luigi, he dreamed about becoming more popular than Mario. Since Mario wasn't the popular one, Luigi finally starred in his OWN adventures (that wasn't Luigi's Mansion, DLC, or something that you unlocked after beating the game with Mario), and he was the main star in various spin-offs.

Next, Bianca dreamed about torturing Ash in various ways. She made him do dishes, she made him vacuum the floor, and she forced him to make her sandwiches. "Revenge is a bitch, isn't it?" she asked Ash. But, the retard cried instead of answering.

Then, Tails dreamed about having a talk show. He talked with several celebrities, including some of his competitors. "Let me ask you this. How do you think you lost against me?" Tails asked Axew. "Well, it's because I was too stupid to figure out that you were going to stab me in the back." Axew answered shamefully. "That's right. And how do you think I won?" Tails asked. "It's because everyone was stupider than you." Axew replied as shamefully as last time. "Yep. I deserved that money the minute I walked in. In fact, they should've just gave it to me. Well, that's it for today's show. See you next time." Tails said as the screen faded to black.

Afterwards, Snivy was dreaming about world domination (but for better reasons than you think). She controlled the world with an iron fist (literally). She made sure that all of the criminals suffered, and that her enemies suffered even worse.

Once the cameras showed Cheren's dream, he had already built a university of his own. "Come here, come all to the University of Cheren. Here, you can get an education on all things Pokemon. And, you can make a living out of it. So come here if you have desires for Pokemon." Cheren told a viewing audience.

And finally, Mario was dreaming about… well, nothing really. He just dreamed of putting another million dollar check in his wallet.

Unfortunately, everyone's dreams ended as soon as they started. Thanks to Bill's megaphone, everybody was awake. "Damn it, Bill! I was having this dream about having my very own talk show!" Tails complained. Bill asked, "And why should I give a crap?" Tails mumbled, "Jackass."

!

**Tails: Okay, I'm glad to be in the final 6 and all that (I mean, I deserve to be here), but that damn megaphone of Bill's isn't helping. At this point in the game, my only threats in this game are Mario and that green snake. Everyone else will be a piece of cake.**

!

**Luigi: It's great that I got this far. I honestly thought that people would get rid of me sooner, but they didn't. And that puts a big, fat smile on my face.**

!

**Cheren: Wow. I didn't expect to get this far. It's usually the physically or mentally strong contestants that get booted as soon as the merge starts. But not this nerd. This nerd is here to stay.**

!

**Bianca: To tell you the truth, I am quite shocked to be here right now. After booting Tails the first time, you would think that I would be at Loserville with Axew and Amy. Apparently, that isn't the case. Not so average now, huh Bill?**

!

**Bill: Damn it!**

**Pidove: Time to pay up.**

**Bill: *hands Pidove $50*.**

**Pidove: *sighs happily*. The sweet taste of victory.**

!

**Mario: Honestly, I'm not surprised that I made it this far. I don't know what I'm doing right, but I'm apparently doing more right than wrong. I mean, don't these guys know that I'm a threat in challenges. I guess not.**

!

**Snivy: Am I surprised that I'm here right now? Kind of. You think that being a threat in both the physical and mental areas would give you a one-way ticket to Loserville? Nope. It appears that I'm surrounded by morons, which actually sounds like a good thing to me.**

!

The contestants were now eating breakfast. Then, Bill walks in and announces, "Greetings to all of you. And I'd like to congratulate all of you for your accomplishment. All of you (except Tails) have managed to survive 128 days on this island." Luigi asked, "Wait, it's only been 128 days since we got on this dump of an island? I thought that we've been here for at least a year." Bill said, "Time slows down when nothing exciting happens." Tails said, "For once, you have a point." Bill continued on with, "However, you had to eliminate 18 other players in order to get where we are right now." Cheren said, "Don't remind us." Bill finished his statement with, "And today, that number will rise to 19. Today's challenge requires all of you to wear handcuffs." Bill placed 3 sets of handcuffs on each of the contestants. "Why did you handcuff me to this… thing?" Bianca complained as Bill handcuffed her to Tails. "This 'thing' has feelings, you know?" Tails told rudely.

!

**Bianca: But, that 'thing' lacks a heart, you know, something that 'it' needs.**

!

Meanwhile, Luigi was handcuffed to Snivy as Mario was handcuffed to Cheren. "_Oh God, I'm stuck with the wimp. Out of everyone, Bill handcuffed me to Luigi. Heck, Tails would've been a better choice, and he's nothing but pure evil._" Snivy thought. "That hurts my feelings." Luigi told Snivy with a sad look on his face. "How did you hear my thoughts?!" Snivy asked. Luigi shrugged his shoulders. "All of you will be strapped together until the challenge is over. After the 3 challenges, the duo who wins the most challenges will be safe from elimination. Now, the first part of your challenge is to run 3 laps around the island." Bill told the competitors. "_That doesn't sound too bad._" Snivy thought. "Also, your legs will be cuffed together." Bill said. "_S**t._" Snivy thought.

The contestants went to the starting line, which was the dock. "After you go around the island 3 times, come back to the dock to earn you and your partner a win. Got it? Good. Now get going!" Bill explained as everyone started running around the island. Well, almost everyone. Tails tried his hardest to run all over the island, but something was preventing him from going anywhere. Then, he realized that Bianca wasn't even trying. "Hey! Dumb bitch! We have a challenge to win!" Tails told Bianca with clear aggravation. "Not with that attitude." Bianca blurted out. "What's with you and hating my guts? What did I do wrong?" Tails asked despite knowing the answer. "Why should I tell you? You'll just find a way to backstab me like you did with Amy and Axew!" Bianca yelled. "Face it, Tails. You are nothing but a backstabbing liar who causes nothing but trouble. And admit that I was right about you this whole time." Bianca gave Tails a dirty look that said, "Don't lie to me!" After weeks of lying to his competitors, Tails revealed his true intentions. "Okay. You got me. I am nothing but a backstabbing liar who causes nothing but trouble. I was the one who planned Amy and Axew's eliminations. And I would've gotten you out of the game if it wasn't for your intelligence." the two-tailed fox unveiled to Bianca. "See. Was that so bad?" Bianca taunted. Tails sighed, "No." Bianca said, "Good. Because you're good as dead now!" Tails asked, "What's that supposed to-" Bianca revealed that she recorded everything Tails told her. "You bitch!" Tails yelled as he tried to pounce on her. "Who's the ultimate backstabber now, huh?! Who?!" Bianca asked while trying to keep the tape recorder out of Tails' reach.

On the other side of the island, Snivy and Luigi were in the halfway mark of the 1st lap. "Jeez, Luigi. You're a lot faster than I thought." Snivy said as the duo were breezing through the island. "Well, saving your brother's girlfriend for almost 30 years can do you some good." Luigi explained.

However, Mario and Cheren weren't doing too good. As if it was on occasion, Cheren tripped on something every 30 seconds, causing the duo to fall behind. By the time they tripped for the 5th consecutive time, Mario said, "You know, I think I'll just carry you." He lifted the nerd and started running.

!

**Cheren: It was really embarrassing that Mario had to carry me throughout the entire race. But, it DID get us a lot farther.**

!

When 30 minutes went by, everyone (except Tails and Bianca) were on their final lap. As the cameras went back to Tails and Bianca, they were still fighting over the tape recorder. However, both of them were growing tired. "Give me… the damn… tape recorder." Tails demanded through pants. "In… your freaking… dreams." Bianca blurted through pants. Then, the other two duos eventually crossed the finish line, causing Tails and Bianca to get last place. "Congratulations, Luigi and Snivy! You two have won the 1st part of the challenge!" Bill announced as the two winners cheered. "Now, it's time for part two."

!

**Tails: F**king teenage girls! They just get on my nerves sometimes! If I get out of this week alive, that little girl is going to get it!**

**Bianca: I'm still handcuffed to you, dumbass.**

**Tails: S**t.**

!

The competitors were now in the cafeteria. "The 2nd part of the challenge requires you to stuff as much food as you can. One of you will be the eater, and the other will be the feeder. But, we've already decided for you. Snivy, you'll be feeding Luigi. Mario, you'll be feeding Cheren. And Bianca, you'll be feeding Tails. The duo who completely eats everything on their plates wins this part of the challenge. Okay, we'll start in 3, 2, 1... GO!" Bill explained. Mario and Cheren were tearing through the competition. Plate after plate was wiped clean. Unfortunately for Snivy, Luigi wouldn't even put the food in his mouth. "Come on, you wimp! Eat this *** damn food!" Snivy demanded. But, Luigi refused. "That tears it." Snivy said as she used force. She shoved spoonfuls after spoonfuls of disgusting food into Luigi's mouth. "EWW! IT'S MAKING MY TONGUE MELT OFF!" Luigi complained. However, despite Luigi's torture, Tails didn't even get any food yet. "Just give me some *** damn food!" he demanded. "Why don't you make me!" Bianca said. Tails tried to take the spoon from Bianca's hand, but he couldn't do it. Fifteen minutes later, Bill told everyone, "Mario and Cheren win the 2nd part of the challenge!" The two cheered happily. "And now, it's time for the final part."

Finally, after much waiting, the contestants were outside. "Welcome to the last part of today's challenge. Your goal is extremely simple. All you have to do is put up a pole with all of the eliminated contestants' heads. And, you have to do it in order. So, what are you waiting for? Get started!" Bill explained as everyone (except Tails and Bianca) started making their poles. Being the smart players they were, Mario and Cheren were breezing through the challenge. However, Luigi and Snivy were having some difficulties. "No wait! I think Buttercup was eliminated before Bubbles." Luigi reminded Snivy. "That is beyond stupid. Buttercup was the rough and tough one. Bubbles was the sweet one. So, Buttercup was eliminated after Bubbles." Snivy told Luigi. "Wait! I just realized something. Ash was eliminated way before Silver." Luigi told Snivy. "Way before Silver? Okay, now you're just being an idiot. I know what I'm talking about." Snivy told Luigi. Suddenly, an air horn was heard. "We have a winner. Mario and Cheren are safe from elimination!" Bill announced while the two immunity holders were full of joy. "Everybody else, I will see you at tonight's elimination ceremony. Until then, bye!"

An hour before elimination time, Bianca gathered the other contestants to the middle of the island (except for Tails, who of which had to use the bathroom). "Okay everyone. I say that Tails has GOT TO GO! He is nothing but trouble. He is the reason for some of the contestants' eliminations. And I have evidence to prove it." she announced. She turned on her tape recorder and it said everything that Tails told her. Everyone gasped in shock. "I can't believe it! He used us for so long! And to think, I thought Oshawott was going through a phase." Cheren said in shame. "So what do you guys say? Don't you think it's time to send that fox to his rightful place?" Bianca asked. Everyone shook their heads in agreement. "Good. Now let's get to the ceremony."

It was now time to send a 19th person home. "Welcome contestants. There are 6 of you, but only 5 of you will be staying to win $1,000,000. Sadly, we still don't have marshmallows. So, I will just tell you the results. By a vote of 5-1-0-0-0-0, Tails, once again, you have been voted off of Retard Island." Bill told the contestants. Tails got up to leave, but then he turned around and said, "I admit it. You got me good, Bianca. You are not as dumb as I thought. It looks like the student has overcome the master." Then, he finally stepped off of the island and left for Loserville (again). "Good job to all of you. You have made it to the final 5. But next week, one of your games' will come to an end. When that time comes, you are all safe. For now." Bill told the last of the contestants as they left for their cabins. "Phew. This show is just full of excitement, isn't it? With only 5 people left in the game, their chances of winning the prize are just getting higher. Who will be voted off? How will things go now that Tails is no longer in the game? And will peace finally show it's pretty face? Find out on the next episode of… Retard… Island!"


	22. Chapter 22: You Won A Trip To Loserville

Chapter 22: You Won A Trip To Loserville!

"135 days. That is how long these 5 contestants have been on this island. 135 days without any contact from the outside world. 135 days without living in decent homes. 135 days without food that doesn't taste like it's been in a toilet. Honestly, that's a long time to be in a game show. But that's what happens when you have challenges/eliminations every 7 days." Bill said as the cameras started rolling. "We started this show with 24 of these suckers. But, as the weeks went by, the numbers kept dwindling down. However, this episode is going to be a little different. Instead of making the final 5 do another challenge, we're giving these guys a break. So now you're probably asking, 'What the hell is going to happen now that the 5 remaining contestants won't be competing in a challenge?'. Well, to answer that question, we are going to Loserville. You know, that place every contestant mentions at one point or another. You may think that once a contestant is booted, they are sent straight home. That's where you're wrong. They are sent to a tropical resort instead. So, shall we get going?" Bill got on a boat that was heading to an island right by the main island itself. Kind of funny, isn't it? If it wasn't, screw you.

Once Bill finally made it to Loserville, he got off his boat. Think of this place as your typical, everyday tropical paradise (because I'm too damn lazy to describe the place in full detail). "Here we are at Loserville. Isn't it gorgeous?" Bill said right after he got off the boat. He started heading to the main entrance. Finally, the host walked into a beautiful home full of booted competitors. Every contestant that lost the game were having the time of their lives. Then, Bill came across Tails. "Hey there Ta- OH DEAR GOD! What happened to you?!" Bill asked a bandage-covered Tails. "I got my ass handed to me by a pink hedgehog, a small dragon, and a white hedgehog with marijuana for hair. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!?" Tails answered rudely. "Okay, since you're too grumpy, I'll save you for later." Bill said as he headed towards a nearby contestant, who of which was Ash. "Hey Ash. How has life been treating you since your elimination?" Bill asked the retarded young man. "Well, Peach and Blossom got bored of beating me senseless two weeks ago, so I guess life's been good." Ash replied. "How does it feel to be a loser?" Bill asked. "It stinks. What stinks even more is that Bianca is still in the game. Damn that bitch." Ash answered. "Among the final five, who do you think deserves the $1,000,000?" Bill asked. "Um, if I had to choose, it would be… uh… who's in the final five again? Besides Bianca." Ash tried to answer. Bill got annoyed by this, but told Ash, "Mario, Luigi, Snivy, and Cheren." Ash said, "Oh, okay. Well personally, I think it should be Mario. Because he is such a badass. And that's pretty much it." Bill said, "Thanks Ash. Now it's time to talk to someone else." Okay, before I move on to the story, let me ask you this. Do you really want me to explain all of this… I thought so. So, to make this chapter fly by a lot quicker, I'm going to make this. Here it is right now. (*Author's Note*. Bill asked all of the losers three questions (except for Ash) about the game. He asked, 'How has life been treating you since your elimination?' (which will be abbreviated to #1), 'Who do you think should be booted next?' (which will be abbreviated to #2), and 'Who do you think should win the entire game?' (which will be… you get the idea). This will be shown in script format. Enjoy!).

**Amy: **#1: Well, it has been awesome since I was booted. Especially since I get to be around Sonic a lot more.

#2: I don't really hate any of the final five. So, I can't answer that question.

#3: Luigi. Because he is the underdog of the group. I always root for those who aren't seen as threats.

**Axew: **#1: It sucks that I was sabotaged by that two-tailed bastard!

#2: I have nothing against any of them. Sorry Bill, but I have no answer.

#3: Bianca. She has really shown that she can win this game if she set her heart to it.

**Ben: **#1: It blows. I can't believe that I scored so low. But, at least I got to live a cozy life for… what is it… 91 days?

#2: Snivy. She was mean to me on the first day.

#3: Luigi. We were actually friends before I was kicked off. And I have been keeping this secret where he was at this summer camp as a kid. One day, he snuck off to the woods with some campers. Unfortunately, he got lost when he dropped his hat. He got really scared and searched for his campmates. But, as he moved forward, he ran into a wild animal and ran the other way. Unfortunately, once he returned to camp, he had crapped his pants. When his campmates saw the brown stain, they laughed at him. And he never went near the woods again. Wait! I wasn't supposed to say any of that! AW S**T! He's going to kill me!

**Billy: **#1: I hate that I was the 1st person eliminated, but I got over it eventually.

#2: Uh… I don't know.

#3: Either the red plumber or the nerd. I don't care which.

**Blossom: **#1: The fact that I was sabotaged angers me. But, me and Peach taught that a**hole a lesson in the end.

#2: Nope.

#3: Bianca or Snivy. Both girls have shown that a woman can succeed.

**Bubbles: **#1: I love it! This place has everything!

#2: *nods her head back and forth*.

#3: Bianca. Because she's really nice.

**Buttercup: **#1: I hate it.

#2: Snivy. She leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

#3: I don't care.

**Chowder: **#1: Awesome! I can eat as much food as I want!

#2: Honestly, no one.

#3: Bianca. She was a friend of mine.

**Iris: **#1: Bad. I was eliminated for such a stupid reason!

#2: Mario and/or Luigi. They already make millions of dollars every year. They don't deserve it.

#3: Bianca, Cheren, or Snivy. They are my closest friends.

**Knuckles: **#1: It sucks! My f**king teammates chose that backstabbing retard over me!

#2: Not really.

#3: I guess either Mario or Luigi.

**Mandy: **#1: Fine.

#2: No.

#3: Snivy. She's sinister like me.

**Oshawott: **#1: It sucked until Tails got booted.

#2: Isn't it obvious? My answer's going to be Snivy.

#3: Bianca or Cheren. They're both good people to me.

**Peach: **#1: Fairly kind. After beating Ash senseless, life has been nice.

#2: Nobody I can think of.

#3: My man, Mario. Good luck, honey!

**Silver: **#1: Average, I suppose.

#2: Not really.

#3: I don't really give a crap.

**Sonic: **#1: It was fantastic until Amy got eliminated.

#2: Mario. Two words. Douche and bag.

#3: Anyone except Mario.

**Tails: **#1: I hate myself for being eliminated. Twice, I may add.

#2: Bianca. She got me eliminated in the first place.

#3: No one. Because I was the only one who deserved it.

**Tepig: **#1: I got over the fact that I helped with sabotaging two contestants, so it's been good.

#2: I like all of them. So, no one in particular.

#3: Bianca, Cheren, or Snivy. All three of them are awesome.

After Bill got through with everyone's (except Johnny's) interviews, he told all of them to gather to the pool. "Wait a minute. You forgot to ask me my opinions!" Johnny reminded Bill. The host went up to Johnny and asked, "Johnny, ask yourself this. If people cared for your opinion, why are you not on TV more often?" Johnny looked down in shame and said, "I guess you have a point." After everyone was at the pool, Bill announced, "Okay ex-contestants! Now that you're all here, I have something to tell all of you. You get to decide who leaves next!" The used-to-be competitors got wide eyed at what Bill just announced. "So, let's get started. Amy?" Bill said. Again, it's time to show you a graph.

Amy: Mario

Ash: Bianca

Axew: Mario

Ben: Snivy

Billy: Luigi

Blossom: Mario

Bubbles: Mario

Buttercup: Snivy

Chowder: Mario

Iris: Mario

Johnny: Bianca

Knuckles: Bianca

Mandy: Luigi

Oshawott: Snivy

Peach: Luigi

Silver: Mario

Sonic: Mario

Tails: Bianca

Tepig: Mario

Bill said, "Okay, with a total of 9 votes, Mario has been eliminated from the game." Back at the island, Pidove was dragging Mario to his boat ride to Loserville. "Why are you dragging me here?" the plumber asked. "You've been eliminated." Pidove answered. "What? How?" Mario asked. "The previously eliminated contestants voted for you." Pidove replied. "I figure that Sonic had something to do with it." Mario said before he left for Loserville.

Moments later, the cameras go back to Loserville. "Well, this episode has certainly been different. With Mario joining the other 19 losers, who will be eliminated next? And will Luigi figure out that Ben has revealed a dark secret of his? That's for you to find out on the next episode of… Retard… Island!" Bill said before blackness covered the screen.


	23. Chapter 23: They Survive The Outdoors

Chapter 23: Um… They Survive The Outdoors (That's It)

Still shocked at how Mario of all people was sent packing, the final 4 were enjoying their little break from the game. After going through so much craziness and drama, they practically deserved it. However, one person (er, one Pokemon to be specific) wasn't as surprised.

!

**Snivy: After being stuck on this Hell-like island for such a long time, I have seen how much of a threat everyone is. Since Mario was eliminated last week, the biggest threat here is Bianca. She succeeds in both the physical and mental areas. Then there's Cheren. Though he lacks in brawn, he makes it up with his brain. And finally there's Luigi. He IS a threat, but due to his fear of… well, most things, that makes him a lot easier to beat. Yep. I got my competitors figured out pretty well.**

!

Afterwards, they eventually went to sleep. However, when they woke up, they got the surprise of their lives. "OH MY GOD!" Luigi screamed as he woke up, which made the others jump up. "What the hell is your problem?!" Snivy yelled at Luigi. The plumber pointed at the ground, which turns out to be nothing but water. "That bastard!" Snivy screamed as she saw a lot of water. "Why would Bill do this to us?" Cheren asked. "This is Bill we're talking about. He probably moved our beds while we were sleeping." Bianca answered. Suddenly, out of nowhere, two double-seated canoes showed up. "Huh. That's oddly convenient." Bianca said. Then, she realized that there were no paddles. "Are you serious? Bill can afford canoes, but he can't afford paddles. Cheapskate." Despite the lack of paddles, the final 4 got on the canoes and started heading for nearby land (which was about a mile away).

After what seemed like an hour, they finally found some land. "Thank God! My arms are killing me." Luigi said as he got off the canoe. Then, he fell face first to the ground. "Hah. This sand feels great." Snivy was saying some extremely vulgar stuff under her breath.

!

**Snivy: That a**hole of a host is starting to get on my nerves! One of these days, he's going to wake up without a head.**

!

"I just can't believe that Bill would do this to us. Does he know that were on a deserted island with NOTHING TO EAT?!" Luigi screamed. "Calm down, Luigi. There's some coconuts on a tree over there." Cheren pointed out. "Let me rephrase that. Does he know that were on a deserted island with NOTHING TO EAT?!" Luigi repeated. "Okay now you're being ridiculous. We can survive on coconuts and… look, there's some eggs. All we need is to find a decent shelter until Bill finds us." Cheren said with slight annoyance. "But what if he never finds us? What if we're stuck here for the rest of our lives? Oh, the thought of never seeing my brother, my friends, or my wife is killing me!" Luigi asked with paranoia clear in his voice. "Alright. We lost him. Time to end his torture Old Yeller style." Snivy said as she took a shotgun out of her pocket. "SNIVY! We are NOT killing anybody! And how did you get that gun past Bill?" Cheren yelled.

*_Flashback_*

_5 Hours Before Arriving To The Island_

_Snivy was packing up the things she needed to make sure her stay at the island wouldn't be so boring. She heard a knock on the door. When she opened it, she saw a butler. "Ms. Snivy, are you ready to leave?" the butler asked the snake. Snivy answered, "Almost. Just give me a few more seconds." She went back to her room to pack the last of her things. She looked around before putting a shotgun into a hidden part of her suitcase. "Let's get going." she said excitedly._

*_Flashback Over_*

Bianca and Cheren were giving Snivy a weird look. "You're good." Bianca said. Eventually, Snivy put up her gun. "Let's go find some grub. I'm starving." she said before heading into a forest.

Meanwhile, Luigi had ran away from the others. "The snake is trying to murder me!" he said to himself. "I can't trust anyone." Unexpectedly, a coconut fell from a tree that Luigi was under and bonked him on the head, knocking him out. An hour later, Luigi woke up. "Man. What a crazy dream I had. No more cookies before bed." he said. As he looked around, he saw that he was on the same place his 'dream' was set in. "*** DAMN IT!" he screamed.

Back with the others, Snivy got back from hunting and brought back plenty of food. "Where did all of that come from?" Cheren asked. "Oh, you know. Bears, deer, rabbits… Hang on a minute. Why do those animals seem familiar?" Snivy replied before realizing something. "Well, I'm sure it isn't important. What is important is that we have food. And while you were gone, we made a shelter." Cheren said as he showed Snivy their shelter. It was rather impressive for something made completely out of wood. Inside was a hot tub, a shower, bedrooms, a kitchen, and a plasma TV made out of wood. And the cool part is that it actually got cable. "Damn! This looks awesome." Snivy said with amazement. "I could get used to this."

!

**Snivy: Now that I'm thinking about it, there WAS something weird about finding animals that were on the island. I'm such an idiot for not noticing. We were still-**

!

On the other hand, Luigi was losing his marbles. After 5 short minutes, he already grew a beard, had his clothes torn up, and befriended someone. And by someone, I mean a freaking coconut. "Okay, Daisy #2. It's time to hunt for some food." he said with a creepier voice than usual (yeah, he's THAT bonkers). The mentally insane plumber swiftly hunted for something to eat. He spotted something that was sticking out of some bushes. He went in for the kill. However, there was a scream of pain. The mysterious figure turned around, revealing that it was Bianca. "Luigi?! What has gotten into you?!" she yelled as she tried to yank out the spear stuck inside her behind. After doing so, she yelped. "Now look at what you did! Jeez." She lead Luigi to their shelter. Snivy asked Bianca, "Where'd you find the hobo?" Bianca replied, "This isn't a hobo. It's Luigi." Cheren analyzed Luigi to make sure. "Yep. That's definitely Luigi." the nerd said after analyzing the plumber. "Jeez. You look like s**t." Snivy said. "You need some rest." She let Luigi lay on a bed.

After a couple of hours, Luigi had managed to regain his sanity. "Feel better?" Bianca asked. "Yeah, I guess." Luigi said sheepishly. He headed for the door, but not without Daisy #2. His back was itching, and he needed something that would do the job. And it turns out that coconuts make great backscratchers. Unfortunately, as he walked outside, he saw the same cobra that tried to suffocate Sonic back in Chapter 3. "AAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Once he was back inside, he slammed the door like it was nothing. "What happened to you?" Snivy asked. Luigi panted, "Giant… cobra… outside." Snivy laughed, "It can't be that threatening." When she looked out the window, she saw that the cobra Luigi mentioned was kicking a bear's ass. Metaphorically and literally. She was wide-eyed at the sight she just saw. "Quick! Give me my gun!" Snivy demanded. Luigi laughed nervously, "Uh, you see. The thing is, I sort of… lost it!" Snivy yelled, "You did what?! Ugh, never mind. Where's Daisy #2?" Luigi just remembered that he dropped Daisy #2 before heading for the door. "Oh crap! I'm coming to save you!" he yelled as he headed for the door. He saw that Daisy #2 was right by the cobra. "You give me back my Daisy!" he demanded. The cobra just hissed at him. "Okay. You asked for it!" Luigi said as he sent the cobra flying with an uppercut. His competitors gave him a shocked look. "Well that's a sudden change of character." Snivy said. Then, they saw some smoke coming from the distance. "Look! There's some people there!" Cheren shouted out with glee. All four of the finalists came running for that area. After running half a mile, they saw that they were back at camp. "Oh, I've never been so happy to see this place!" Luigi said as he kissed the ground. "Welcome back, guys. Where have you been?" Bill asked despite knowing the answer. "Don't act like you don't know. You put our beds into the ocean on purpose, you ass!" Bianca retorted. "I expected that. Anyways, since Luigi was the first here, he wins invincibility." Bill announced. "The rest of you will have to seal one person's fate by ending their game tonight. See you later!"

It was time to begin another elimination ceremony. By this time, Luigi had put on a new set of clothes, and he shaved his beard. "So, it's come down to you four. How sad that this show is almost over. But, enough about my issues. It's time to show all of you the results of tonight's elimination. Luigi, since you won today's challenge, you got immunity. So here's your marshmallow." Bill said. However, Luigi noticed that the marshmallow was green. "This looks rotten." he told Bill. "That's because it is." Bill mentioned. Luigi's face turned green at the sight of the 1-month old marshmallow. "The semifinal marshmallow goes to… Cheren." Bill said as he threw Cheren his marshmallow. It was down to Bianca and Snivy. "Well ladies. It looks like one of you will be sent to Loserville. Who will it be?" Silence filled the air. "The last marshmallow of the night goes to…" Bianca chewed her nails rapidly while Snivy was strangely calm. "… Bianca." The teenage girl cheered in happiness, but then apologized to Snivy for her outburst. "Well Snivy. It's time to pack up your stuff and get the fudge out!" Bill said as Snivy left the island after being there for 142 days. "Congrats to you three. You have proven that you can survive almost anything I can throw at you. However, only two can withstand everything. See you all later. You're safe for this moment in time." The final 3 headed back to their designated cabins. "They grow up so fast. Anyways, we are now at our last 3 competitors. Who will be the last person eliminated from Retard Island? And what can be crazier than trapping them on a deserted island? Tune in next week to find out!"


	24. Chapter 24: Dares These Days

Chapter 24: Dares These Days

It was day 149 at the island, and things were quite peaceful. The final 3 were sleeping in their beds. Unfortunately, those dreams of theirs would soon end when Bill turned on his megaphone. "That never gets old." Bill sighed happily. "Attention! It's time for breakfast. And it is no ordinary breakfast."

Once the three remaining contestants arrived to the cafeteria, they weren't expecting the beauty they saw at the kitchen table. After being forced to eat slop for more than 21 weeks, they were practically starving. Within minutes, everything on that table was gone. "I hope you enjoyed your reward for making it this far in the game. Because I'm never doing it again." Bill told the now fat competitors. "Seriously. That cost me thousands. And now, it's time to begin another challenge." Everyone looked at each other in fear, knowing what Bill was talking about.

A few minutes later, they found themselves at the stage. Some noticeable differences were that there was a wheel that had all of the eliminated contestants' faces on it, 3 stands, and empty bottles of soda everywhere. "Welcome to today's challenge! This time, it's a triple-dog dare competition. You have to spin a wheel that has all of your fallen friends' (or enemies) faces on it. We took some dares from these guys, and boy did they have some gruesome dares. Then, I tell you the dare, and you choose to either do it yourself, or make someone else do it. Every time you finish a dare, you earn a freebie. However, if you don't, you get a strike. You can get up to 5 strikes. If you pass that limit, you are automatically eliminated from not only the challenge, but the entire game. But, if you guys manage to complete 100 dares altogether without going over your 5-strike limit, the person who finishes the most dares wins immunity, and the choice of who you want to eliminate from the game (though I sincerely doubt that it will get there). Understand?" Bill explained. None of them had a question. "Good. Now we can get things rolling. Ladies first." Bianca was annoyed that she had to go first.

!

**Bianca: Stupid ladies first rule.**

!

After she spun the wheel, it landed on Tepig. "Your dare is… eating hot wings." Bill said. "Hmm. That doesn't sound too hard." Bianca said cockily. "You didn't let me finish. You have to eat 2-MONTH-OLD hot wings." Bill corrected. This caused Bianca's face to turn the same color as her hat. She swallowed her vomit and said, "I'll do it."

Moments later, Pidove arrived with a dozen wings. All of the wings had a greenish-brown look to them. "Bon appetite." Bill said mockingly. Bianca started shoving down the rotten wings. With every wing she swallowed, she got greener. After finishing the last one, she looked like she was going to puke out the wonderful breakfast she had that morning. "Congrats. Here's your freebie." Bill said while handing Bianca her first freebie. At that moment, she threw up the disgusting wings along with her breakfast. "Okay Cheren. It's your turn."

The nerd went up to the wheel. He weakly spun the wheel, causing it to go half a mile an hour. Then, the wheel landed on Tails. "Ooh. Sucks to be you. Your dare is… getting rid of every little hair on your body with Nair." Bill said. Bianca and Luigi went wide-eyed. "What's Nair?" Cheren asked nervously.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" the nerd screamed as all of his hair was removed with Nair. The product felt like acid. The only difference is that instead of burning his flesh, it was burning the areas that had hair. After 2 minutes, Cheren was not only hair-free, but he also walked away with a freebie. However, that didn't mean that he wasn't suffering anymore. "Ow." he complained as he went back to his stand.

!

**Cheren: Ah shoot. Ow. It burns so bad. Oh well. At least I won't be hot anymore.**

!

"It's now Luigi's time to spin the wheel of torture." Bill said as Luigi headed for the wheel. Spinning it caused it to land on Bubbles. "Thank God! She can't possibly come up with anything torturous." Luigi sighed with relief. "That's where you're wrong. You have to… be covered in bugs for a half hour." Bill said. Once again, Luigi's eyes grew wider in size.

!

**Luigi: Me and my damn mouth.**

!

The green plumber was right by a pool filled with all kinds of insects. "Okay. Here goes nothing but my life." Luigi gulped. He dove into the bug-filled pool like he wasn't going to see a tomorrow (which is what he actually believed). Unfortunately, after 20 seconds, he jumped out of the pool (screaming like a little girl, by the way) as a spider was crawling into his nose. "Sorry Luigi, but that little act just gave you a strike." Bill said as a strike was added to Luigi's stand. The plumber sighed in shame. "Alrighty then. It is now time for a montage! Hit it!" Bill said as a series of events began.

Bianca was completing dare after dare. She nose-dived into cow manure, witnessed the burning of her hat (as a bonus, can you guess on who you think the dare was made by?), had to take pain from multiple bowling balls, and had to go to a dentist appointment with a psychopath.

Cheren completed several dares, but he got a strike every now and then. Despite handling a bull fight, drinking Billy's urine, and being mauled by a bear, he couldn't handle the destruction of his inventions, earning him a strike.

And Luigi… well, let's just say that he's a total pansy. He either forced Bianca or Cheren to do his dares, or he tried to do a dare, causing him to fail in the end. And so, that ends our little montage. Now let's get back to the action.

After completing 99 dares, Bianca had 32 freebies and 1 strike, Cheren had 30 freebies and 3 strikes, and Luigi had 1 freebie and 4 strikes. "Holy crap! I can't believe that you three had managed to survive this many dares. You have balls. But now, we are down to our final dare. Luigi, this one is all on you. If you complete this dare, although you won't win immunity, you won't be automatically eliminated. However, if you don't, that WILL happen." Bill explained. "What's the dare?" Luigi asked. "Your last dare is… to be trapped in a house with ghosts." Bill said. At that moment, Luigi thought, _"You mother f**king son of a bitch!"_

Once at the entrance to a haunted mansion, Luigi was shaking violently. "Have fun. See you in a hour." Bill said as he left Luigi behind. The plumber entered the house before closing the door behind him. Within seconds, screams of fear could be heard. However, Luigi didn't run out the door. An hour later, it was time to take Luigi out of the mansion. But, he wasn't coming out. After a minute, Bill was getting concerned. "Luigi. Are you alive?" the host asked as he was knocking on the door. There was no answer. "Lu-" Suddenly, Luigi burst right out of the door, scaring the crap out of Bill. "You clever a**hole." Bill panted. "What?" Luigi asked. "Don't play dumb. You planned on scaring me, didn't you?" Bill replied. "Maybe." Luigi laughed quietly. "Whatever. You just survived your dare." Luigi sighed in relief.

As they got back to Bianca and Cheren, Bill announced, "Congratulations, Bianca! You have won immunity and a spot in the final 2!" Bianca was cheering like she just won the lottery. "In 2 hours, you will decide on who you want to be in the finals with." Bill told the winner of the challenge.

At her bedroom, Bianca was thinking long and hard about her competitors. She had to choose between Cheren and Luigi. Both of those boys were great contestants. But, she thought on who would be a bigger threat in the last challenge. She knew that the challenge was likely to be heavily focused on the physical area. While neither of them were strong in strength, Luigi was somewhat stronger than Cheren. Then she remembered that the challenge could also have some mental obstacles. Obviously, Cheren was on steroids when it came to brains. Then again, Luigi has his moments of extreme brain power. Gosh, deciding on who was more dangerous was difficult for the young girl.

And now the 2-hour time limit was over. Bianca joined her competitors at the dock. "Okay Bianca. You've thought long and hard enough. Who do you wish to eliminate from the game?" Bill asked. After some moments of silence, Bianca answered, "Both of you are awesome competitors. Unfortunately, only one of you can join me. I'm sorry, but I have no choice but to eliminate…" Cheren and Luigi were shaking nervously, almost to the point of having a seizure. "… you, Luigi." Bianca finished while pointing at Luigi. His head went down in shame. After all of that torture, all he got in return was a ticket to Loserville. "It's official. Luigi, you are the last person to be eliminated from Retard Island. Pack your bags and say your goodbyes." Bill told the now eliminated plumber. On the way to his cabin and back, his head hung low. His boat left as he boarded on. "Well, I gotta say, I did not expect you two to be in the finals. But, I was apparently wrong. So all I have to say is congratulations. You can head back to your cabins." Bill said as Bianca and Cheren headed back to their designated cabins. "It's sad. We are left with only one more episode before this is all over. Seriously, it's sad! Oh well. At least we're getting a season two. Who will win Retard Island? Bianca or Cheren? And who will win the "Fan Favorite" award? Find out on the season finale of… Retard… Island!"

**Bonus:**

**So, it looks like we are down to our final two competitors. And they are Bianca and Cheren. Well, this story has certainly been an amusing one. By having 24 somewhat colorful characters, what's not to love. And now, it's time to vote for YOUR favorite. Yeah, I know I had a poll on my profile a while ago, but no one was voting, so I got rid of it. But now, I have the poll back up, allowing you to vote once again. However, that isn't the only way to vote. You can also PM me your vote. Voting will go on from August 15 to September 5. That gives you 3 weeks to vote. So vote now (if you want to)! And that is all I wanted to tell you. Until then, peace!**


	25. Chapter 25: And So It Comes To An End I

Chapter 25: And So, It Comes To An End Part 1

"Hello again, viewers at home. Welcome to the season finale of Retard Island! For 150 days, 24 contestants have fought their way through dangerous challenges, unsanitary ways of living, and themselves. But only 2 remain, and today, we will see if either Bianca, the average teenage girl from Unova, or Cheren, the nerd who's also from Unova, will win the grand prize of $1,000,000! So, without further delay, let's see what our two finalists are up to." Bill said to the camera.

As the camera started recording the cabin Bianca and Cheren have been living in since the merge, it showed them waking up from a fantastic slumber. "Good morning, fellow finalist." Cheren yawned. "Good morning to you, too." Bianca yawned back. Once Cheren was out of bed, he headed for the bathroom. Unfortunately, the minute he stepped out of the cabin, he tripped on something and landed on the ground face first. Bianca heard this and yelled, "Oh my God! Are you okay?!" Cheren got up and said, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just tripped on something." The two saw what tripped the poor nerd. It was an album of some kind. On it said 'Fallen Competitors.' "'Fallen Competitors?'" Cheren asked. He opened the book to see a small note. It read:

Dear Bianca and Cheren,

Congratulations on making it to the very end. From the start, I thought you two were nothing special. But as the weeks went by, you have been proving me and Pidove wrong time after time. You two have beaten the odds and proved yourselves that you can make it to the finals if you tried hard enough. And that makes me respect the both of you. Sadly, I can't say the same thing for your fallen comrades.

Sincerely,

Bill

"Wow. Bill is actually being nice to us. That's new." Bianca said after reading the letter. "Bianca. He may not have been the kindest person in the world, but show a little respect. I mean, it was probably difficult for him to write this for us." Cheren said to Bianca. "True." Bianca said. Then, they turned the page to see a photo of Billy. "Oh Billy. If only you didn't get paint all over me and yourself, you wouldn't have been booted first." Cheren said while remembering the day when he got covered in red, blue, yellow, and green paint. "And I still have a little yellow paint on my glasses from that day."

!

** Billy: Yeah, I know what everyone is thinking. It does suck to be the first person eliminated from a game. But at least I got to stay at an awesome resort longer than anyone else.**

!

They turned the page to see a photo of Johnny Bravo. "Ugh. Even though he agreed that Ash was a total a**hole, he was still a douche." Bianca said in disgust. "What do you mean?" Cheren asked. "Well, he tried to create an alliance with me and Amy. And guess what? He was trying to get rid of our male teammates. So me and Amy booted his sorry ass." Bianca answered.

!

** Johnny Bravo: Man, I didn't think that those two ladies were so close to the dudes. And it still pisses me off that I was backstabbed by them. *sighs*.**

!

Once again, they turned the page, and they were greeted by a photo of Blossom. "Poor Blossom. I hear that Ash caused her elimination." Bianca said. "He did?" Cheren asked.

!

** Blossom: Am I angry that some retarded teenager got me booted? Not anymore. Peach and I taught that bastard a lesson after he got booted.**

!

For the 4th consecutive time, a page was turned to reveal a photo of Bubbles. "She was a good competitor. But her love for her hair and her amount of stupidity got the best of her in the end." Cheren said shamefully.

!

** Bubbles: It's not my fault that my hair is worth $50,000. Hello! That isn't something I want ruined!**

!

Again, a page was flipped. This time, a photo of Ben was seen. "Who was this guy again?" Bianca asked. "I don't know. Maybe he was… um… I honestly have no clue." Cheren answered.

!

** Ben: I still don't understand why I was canned. I SO AWESOME!**

** Snivy: *outside the confessional*. Yeah right!**

** Ben: STFU!**

!

Another page was turned to it's back to reveal a photo of Tepig. "I bet he would've made a great competitor in the merge. Too bad he had to be an accomplice to Ash's dirty tricks. And you know what pisses me off even more? Tails would've been eliminated if it weren't for Tepig leaving." Bianca said. "You can't blame him for being friends with Ash." Cheren said. "You have a point." Bianca agreed.

!

** Tepig: To answer everyone's question, I still don't regret the day that I pulled myself from the game. The guilt was tearing me apart.**

!

As another page got turned over, a photo of Iris was revealed. "Dear God, her stubbornness! It was so bad that it was considered horrifying." Bianca said.

!

** Iris: The reason for my elimination is stupider than Ash. I can't help the fact that I don't like improv. That's just who I am.**

!

A photo of Knuckles was shown after the page was turned. "No comment." Bianca said. "Same here." Cheren agreed.

!

** Knuckles: I couldn't believe my ears! How did I get booted before that backstabbing retard?! This is why my faith in humanity is slowly dropping every day.**

!

The next page showed a picture of Chowder. "It sucks that he was pulled from the game. If only Pidove was a better cook." Bianca said sorrowfully. "Yeah. We can all agree on that." Cheren said in an equally sorrowful fashion.

!

** Chowder: I hate the fact that I got eliminated unfairly. I mean, sure it was painful, but I would've gotten over it within a few hours.**

!

The 11th page of the album showed a picture of Buttercup. "Like I said earlier, no comment." Bianca said. "Again, I agree with you." Cheren agreed.

!

** Buttercup: God, I was so mad when I was eliminated. I jus wanted to rip off my teammates' heads.**

!

We are now at the 12th page of the album, and on that page was a photo of Peach. "So beautiful, but so blood thirsty. Especially after she was given a second chance to win $1,000,000." Bianca said.

!

** Peach: Despite the fact that me and Mario got a divorce before my 1****st**** elimination, we worked it out after he was canned. And yeah, I gave Ash what he deserved. That's what happens when you mess with a married woman.**

!

On page 13 was a picture of the world famous hedgehog, Sonic. "At first, it looked like he was going to be an arrogant son of a bitch. But as the game continued on, it was Tails that was more deserving of that title." Bianca said.

!

** Sonic: The fact that I was booted before Mario still pushes my buttons. But at least I got out of that Hell hole.**

!

On the next page was a picture of Ash. "Serves him right. He deserved to be eliminated. I hope getting eliminated taught him that mistreating women won't get him far in life. Especially at a game show." Bianca said happily. Cheren gave her a disapproving look. "Think whatever you want, but you know I'm right." Bianca replied to Cheren's look.

!

** Ash: Ugh. I'm so mad! I just want to wipe that grin off of Bianca's face. She may of done a better job at this game than me, but that doesn't mean s**t yet.**

!

Mandy's picture was shown as the next page was turned to it's back. "She was smart, strong, and extremely quiet. But, joining an alliance with Ash was her downfall." Bianca said shamefully.

!

** Mandy: *sits in the confessional quietly*.**

** Bill: *enters the confessional*. Mandy. Are you going to say something?**

** Mandy: *nods her head side to side*.**

** Bill: Fine. *leaves the confessional*.**

!

Amy was seen in a picture as another page got it's back turned. "She was cool, despite being dangerously obsessed with Sonic." Bianca said.

!

** Amy: It blows that I got sabotaged, but I don't blame Axew. His loyalty towards Tails got him paranoid.**

!

Next, a photo of Axew showed it's pretty face after another page was turned. "The classic case of sabotage. Tails got him good that day. And boy was he pissed." Bianca said.

!

** Axew: Yeah, I kind of lost my marbles after Tails stabbed me in the back. But honestly, wouldn't you do the same thing? I mean, I was nothing but loyal to him.**

!

Right after the next page was turned, Silver's picture was shown. "Poor Silver. If only Bill had one more marshmallow, he wouldn't have been canned." Cheren said. "I couldn't have said it better myself." Bianca agreed.

!

** Silver: Of course, I get booted for the stupidest of reasons. Maybe that'll remind Bill to have more supplies ready when the next season begins.**

!

A picture of Oshawott was seen once the page was flipped to it's backside. "Like Axew, this is a classic case of sabotage." Bianca said. "And I thought he was lying to me. I hate myself for not trusting Oshawott." Cheren said shamefully.

!

** Oshawott: Figures. I get canned for something I didn't do. And even worse, Snivy got 3 positions higher than me. Now I owe her $30. *takes out 3 $10 bills*.**

!

Then, a photo of Tails was shown to the finalists. "Speaking of people who deserved elimination, this guy is the epitome of that. No wonder he got booted twice." Bianca said rather rudely.

!

** Tails: After I got the boot for the 2****nd**** time, I lost all hope for the remaining competitors. I don't want anyone to win. NO ONE!**

!

As Mario's picture was shown, the page was flipped. "He was a good guy. Nothing wrong with him whatsoever. Unfortunately, being the famous video game character he is, he got canned for that reason alone." Bianca said with shame.

!

** Mario: I'm not surprised that I lost. I mean, from the start I thought I would be eliminated. But I didn't expect to get 5****th**** place. Life is full of surprises.**

!

A photo of Snivy was shown to Bianca and Cheren after yet another page got flipped. "An excellent competitor. But her temper made everyone question her sometimes." Bianca said. "Yep." Cheren agreed.

!

** Snivy: Despite what everyone thinks, I'm happy with getting 4****th**** place. What I mean is that I did better than 20 of my competitors (Oshawott included). And the best part is that Oshawott owes me $30.**

** Oshawott: *enters the confessional*. Here's your damn money.**

** Snivy: Thank you.**

!

Finally, after much waiting, they reached the page that had Luigi's photo on it. "Despite being a coward, he showed everyone that he can go far if he set his mind to it." Bianca said.

!

** Luigi: *sighs heavily*. 3****rd**** place. Why is that so familiar? Oh yeah, it's because I'm NEVER #1! Even on the year that's dedicated to me!**

!

But, they turned the page one last time to see the photo of all of the contestants when they posed for the presses. "I'll never forget that day." Cheren said. "Me neither." Bianca said. Suddenly, the sound of an air horn came out of the speakers. "Finalists! It's time to begin your final challenge! Head on over to the entrance of the forest. I have a surprise for you." Bill said. "Ready to settle this once and for all?" Bianca asked Cheren. "Yep." Cheren answered as the two headed for the forest entrance. Just then, the screen faded to black.


	26. Chapter 26: And So It Comes To An End II

Chapter 26: And So, It Comes To An End Part 2

After the cameras started rolling again, Bianca and Cheren have finally arrived to the entrance of the forest. "There you are. I thought you two would never get here." Bill said impatiently. "Shut up, Bill." Bianca panted. "Anyways, congrats on making it to the end. You two have proven yourselves worthy of competing in the final challenge. But, before we do that, I have two things to do first. First things first, LOSERS! Get your sorry butts over here!" Bill continued. All of the eliminated contestants started to show up. Then, they sat down in either a stand with Bianca's face or a stand with Cheren's face. In Bianca's stand was Peach, Blossom, Bubbles, Iris, Knuckles, Chowder, Buttercup, Amy, and Axew. In Cheren's stand was Billy, Johnny, Sonic, Ash, Mandy, Silver, Oshawott, Mario, Snivy, and Luigi. "Uh, where is Ben, Tails, and Tepig?" Cheren asked. Moments later, he saw that they were in between the two stands. "Neither of you deserve to win." Tails said angrily. "I don't care who wins." Ben said. "I'm with Ben on this one." Tepig agreed.

"Well, these 22 losers are the perfect example of what not to do on a reality TV game show. Don't f**k up challenges." Bill said mockingly. "Hey!" Billy, Bubbles, and Iris screamed. "Don't try to backstab your teammates." Bill mocked. "Hey!" Johnny screamed. "Don't get sabotaged." Bill mocked again. "Hey!" Peach, Blossom, Amy, Axew, Oshawott, and Tails screamed. "Don't annoy the crap out of your teammates." Bill mocked yet again. "Hey!" Ben screamed. "Don't quit the game." Bill mocked for the 5th time. "That doesn't anger me." Tepig said. "Don't be a physical or mental threat." Bill mocked once again. "Hey!" Knuckles, Buttercup, Sonic, Mandy, and Snivy. "Don't get sick." Bill said in a mocking fashion. "Hey!" Chowder screamed. "Don't get the ticket to Loserville." Bill said while mocking Ash. "Hey!" Ash screamed. "Don't be the one without a marshmallow." Bill mocked. "That was your fault, dumbass!" Silver complained. "And don't be a famous video game character that already makes millions of dollars every year." Bill mocked for the last time. "I'm not offended." Mario said. "And just to let you know, I only make half a million dollars every year." Luigi added. "Whatever. Now that that's out of the way, let's get to our 'Fan Favorite' award." Bill announced. "'Fan Favorite' award?" Luigi asked. "I think Bill said something about that back at Chap-" Ash said. "NO BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!" Bill interrupted. "And yes, I did. The viewers at home have been voting for their favorite character to win this award. And I have the results in this envelope. The winner of the 'Fan Favorite' award…". Everything was silent for a few moments. "… is…". The suspense was killing the contestants. "… Luigi!" The plumber cheered like he was never going to cheer again. "With 66% of the votes (despite only being 2 votes), you have won the 'Fan Favorite' award!" Bill said as he gave Luigi a $50,000 check. "Thank you to those two people who voted for me. I appreciate it." Luigi thanked his only voters. "Well, with that past us, let's see who will win $1,000,000. You two ready for what you have to do in the final challenge?" Bill said, eager to tell the finalists the challenge he has in store for them. "Yeah!" Bianca and Cheren yelled in excitement. "Let's get to the explanation." Bill said.

"In this final (yet thrilling) challenge, you will have to run all over the island. Along the way, you will run into dangerous (yet familiar) obstacles. Also, you two will have to go through it all in bags. The first one to cross the finish line will win $1,000,000!" Bill explained. "Alrighty then, for the last time, are the competitors ready?" At the exact same time, Bianca and Cheren yelled, "Yes!" Bill said, "Good. On your marks… get set…". The two finalists were getting in their bags. Bianca had a red bag while Cheren had a yellow bag. "… GO!" Bill yelled as he shot a blank (or so he thought). As Bianca and Cheren started hopping to their first obstacle, a bird fell from the sky. "Damn it, Pidove." Bill sighed.

As soon as they started, the two finalists immediately ran into trouble. Paintballs of many different colors were being shot at them. "God, I hate that host!" Bianca screamed as she was hit by an orange paintball. "It could be a lot worse." Cheren stated as he was shot in the chest by a blue paintball.

Once they got past those dreaded hunters, they were ambushed by warriors, wizards, and meat shields. "Oh come on!" Bianca complained. "You've got to be kidding me!" Just as she finished her sentence, she was frozen solid by one of the wizards' spells. "Crud!" Cheren yelled as he tried to avoid all of the oncoming attackers. When it looked like he was going to make it, he saw a castle blocking his path. "Aw man. How am I going to get past this?" Cheren asked. Then, he saw a wizard approaching him. The nerd snatched the staff from the wizard's hands and set it to TNT mode. "Lucky for me, I remembered that these staffs had many kinds of magic." Cheren said as he slammed the staff onto the castle wall, blowing it to smithereens in the process.

As Bianca started to catch up, Cheren was already writing down an original song. "_Hmm. What rhymes with techno_?" he thought. Once she was right at Cheren's level, she saw that she had a paper and a pen. A note told her she had to make an original song (or at least make a parody of an already famous song). "Damn that host." she said as she began writing down lyrics. After about 30 minutes, the both of them were done with their songs.

But they weren't out of danger's sight yet. In front of them were… chairs? Don't ask me. I'm just as confused as you are. However, what they didn't know was that these chairs contained something that would launch them in the air if they applied enough pressure. Also, some of them didn't work at all. Unfortunately, Cheren was the test monkey of that obstacle, causing him to be launched back to start. "What the heck?!" Cheren yelled as he landed. "I knew there was a catch!" Bianca blurted out. Fortunately, she saw some rocks to her left. Double fortunately, they were heavy enough to apply the right amount of pressure to the chairs, deactivating the ones that weren't broken. She started to jump over the chairs. After getting past all of the chairs, she was running to the next obstacle. At that moment, Cheren started doing what Bianca did. Unfortunately, due to the poor nerd's noodle-like arms, he couldn't carry that many rocks. He ditched the idea and prayed to God that none of the chairs he didn't test out were working. After being launched for a second time, he made it across.

Once there, the nerd saw something all too familiar (and not in a good way). Remember that spiky wall from Chapter 8? Yeah. It's back, and spikier than ever. "Not again." Cheren complained. He remembered that he accidentally stabbed his hands several times on this wall before. After a moment of remembering bad memories, he started to climb this wall for the second (and hopefully last) time. Even though he didn't stab his hands and feet as much as the first time, he occasionally got poked here and there. "How did Bianca get past this so fast?" Cheren said to himself as he got to the top. He could see the whole island from up there. But now was not the time. He had a million dollar prize to win. He jumped off the wall, causing him to bruise his ankle when he landed. "Ow!" he yelled as he continued on.

Hey. Guess what? Do you know what time it is? No, not Adventure Time. It's MONTAGE TIME! Play that funky music, DJ!

A series of events begin once again. From the looks of it, things seem to be going the right way for Bianca. There didn't seem to be an obstacle that could catch her without her guard up. Sadly, the same can't be said for Cheren. It seems like these obstacles were meant to heavily distract the poor nerd. But eventually, as this final montage comes to a close, the two finalists were head to head, toe to toe, finger to finger, penis to vagina (okay, they weren't THAT close, but whatever, it was still a pretty close competition).

However, when it looks like the challenge would end in a tie, they trip on a wire. "What the hell?!" Bianca yelled. "A wire?! Why is there a wire here?!" Cheren looked at the wire and said, "I honestly don't-". Then, he noticed that the ground was a darker color. He looked up to see a humongous boulder falling to where Bianca and Cheren were laying. "MOVE!" Cheren demanded as he pushed himself and Bianca out of the boulder's way. Once the boulder touched the ground, a small earthquake shook up the entire island. All the way to the finish line, Bill asked, "What on God's green Earth was that?!" The two hosts and twenty two losers went to investigate. They saw that a boulder was lying right by Bianca and Cheren. "What happened here?!" Bill asked the two finalists. "Well, according to my knowledge, we were running to the finish line when we tripped on this wire, causing a huge boulder to fall down on us. Thankfully, we got out of the way before it could land on us." Cheren explained. "A boulder? I don't remember adding a boulder to the-" Bill questioned as he looked at Pidove furiously. "What did you do?!" Pidove got nervous and answered, "Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I kind of added an extra boulder close to the finish line to make things more interesting. But I didn't think that they would actually trip over it." Bill screamed, "BUT YOU NEARLY KILLED THEM, YOU F**KING IDIOT! Ugh!" Everyone was quiet for a few moments. Only the sound of leaves falling from miles away could be heard. Once Bill regained his cool, he simply said, "You're fired." Pidove was shocked to hear this. He couldn't believe his ears. "You can expect your last paycheck next week." Bill said as Pidove was nowhere to be seen. "Anyways, let's finish this damn challenge already." As Bianca and Cheren got up, Cheren fell to the ground again. However, there wasn't a boulder in sight. He complained while he was gripping on his ankle. "Aw crap. My ankle feels worse than before. Ow!" Bianca couldn't help but feel horrible for the nerd. This guy saved her life, and what does he get in return? A bruised ankle. "Don't worry. You'll be fine." Bianca said while trying to comfort Cheren's ankle. However, as soon as she did that, Cheren jumped up and crossed the finish line. "Thanks for the win!" the nerd thanked Bianca. "You clever son of a bitch." she said as she realized that she got screwed out of a million dollars. "Congratulations, Cheren! You have won Retard Island!" Bill said as he handed Cheren a $1,000,000 check. Cheren was jumping like he was never going to jump again. "And that, my fellow viewers, ends the very first season. Who will become the next person to win $1,000,000? And who will be competing? Plus, we won't be on this cruddy island anymore. And, I will have a new assistant by my side. Tune in next season for when we go to Hollywood on… Retard… Action!" And finally, the cameras fade to black for the last time in this story.


	27. Chapter 27: Retard Action Teaser Trailer

Chapter 27: Retard Action Teaser Trailer

Last season, me and my now-fired co-host Pidove tortured 24 contestants on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. But this season, me and my new co-host will begin torturing 24 new faces in an abandoned movie studio in Hollywood, California. And this time around, s**t is getting real.

"I can't believe you cheated on me, you bastard!" screamed a black and white flying squirrel as she shoved a yellow mouse.

"Oh why don't you go and eat some chicken and waffles." said a young man with spiky brown hair, a purple shirt that had 10 badges on it, and black pants in a mocking fashion to a familiar dove. "What the f**k did you just say to me?! What did you say to me?!" screamed the really pissed off dove as he charged for the spiky-haired guy.

"I thought that you and me were a couple." said a princess with brown hair, elf-like ears, and a white and purple dress. "Me and you? Please. You just got used, bitch!" scoffed a young man with a polar bear-esque hat, a light blue shirt, a neon green backpack, and black shoes.

Yep, things this year are certainly spicing up. Retard Action. Coming in November.


End file.
